When I die, I want someone to hold me. To touch me. I want someone to touch my hair, my arms, my belly…my feet. I want someone to run their fingers through my hair to cause the shiver me tingles that I’ve known about since I was 2. I am that little girl who knows of a pleasure yet it never ever comes her way. She watches it from afar all the days of her life. When I die, I want to carry her on my back and tickle the chins of baby fawns. When I die, maybe just maybe there will be someone there who really appreciates me. Or…I wait also to die for another option… in case there is no one to care….in case there is just a black space and the brain stops and life ends and no memory ever turns on. Either one, I’ll take either one. No, my friends…I am not wearing a cloak of depression, I have eradicated that from this body, oh no, this is a cloak of disappointment. Of what if’s and wanna beens. When I die, I want that to go away…..tied onto a kite and released into the biggest wind near a black hole I can find….to be hurtled through space magnetically seeking and drawing towards the violet flame of transmutation….and while it searches, beans and milk are found on earth, to feed the masses and my self prepondered woe is forgiven. (Not really Sheri, there’s way more woe than that, your indulgence is egregious)
When I die, I want to be able to stay…just like I am now, with this brain and this heart. I want to have slumber parties and I want to snuggle and cuddle with girls who get me, really get me. Get, means to retrieve, partake, take, glean………yes, they want to partake of me, of who I am. I want to be acknowledged…and vice versa. I want to be with those who love life inside and out but are so affected by it that they are nearly insane. Those are the real ones. I want them. Near me, beside me. Braiding my hair, bathing me, helping me out of the waters where I turn and lift them out as I twirl a strand of hair in my fingers and brush whispys out of our face. I want the sound of giggles and cackles. I want a cradle for my aging bones and a person to swing it to sleep. A chest to lean upon. A breast to suckle, as I bring the milk into my bones, to strengthen my heart, my will, so I can come again to the land of ingratitude and pour myself like honey…….to be slurped and gargled and spit and feathered but with a many lifetime’d weathered smile, as I then push the reset button and die, really die. Never to be thought of again. Death becomes her.
Signing off in Costa Rica where I’m still trying to call in rain, another week or so and my girl arrives and, God has left this hot dry garden but He left a blue dragonfly behind to guard us…no, he was all business and refused a photo. And a PS…I fixed my sewing machine all by myself and google!….so I’m back to the skirts and the ANDs. Soon I will be able to give away all my old clothes and only wear my own designs!!! Lovelove And PSS…sorry, but ya, that is really all thats lacking in my life, therefore thats my heaven and yes I know, heaven is here and yes I know oh GOD…you don’t wanna know what I know, or I’ve read or been told. Jesus, my mind can only take so much of this overflow of misery. I happen to know that all misery is part of the good, but knowing and feeling are not lovers in all ways. 8 billion people….8 billion perceptions on what is life, where do I fit in and how will it end. For those following the Planet X, Nibiru annanuki theory…dunno, it’s up there now, thats a fact. For those following the Arcturian theory…..they say they’ll arrive in March or April to usher in the 5d. For those following the 5d is here already, yup….but then revert to Arcturians arriving in March or April. (Christ consciousness arriving not Christ on a cloud) For those following the bible theory….dunno. For those following the Native theory….many are calling Planet X, the Blue Star Kachina…..and oh ya….feed the damn people already!!! Are you blind????? It’s everywhere!!! Just look for the bones. PSSS….society’s only hope….A, God sweeping in. B, magic. C. Put the girls in charge (Whens the last time God came sweeping in???)