Tag Archive | Goddess

Hold me?

When I die, I want someone to hold me. To touch me. I want someone to touch my hair, my arms, my belly…my feet. I want someone to run their fingers through my hair to cause the shiver me tingles that I’ve known about since I was 2. I am that little girl who knows of a pleasure yet it never ever comes her way. She watches it from afar all the days of her life.  When I die, I want to carry her on my back and tickle the chins of baby fawns. When I die, maybe just maybe there will  be someone there who really appreciates me. Or…I wait also to die for another option… in case there is no one to care….in case there is just a black space and the brain stops and life ends and no memory ever turns on. Either one, I’ll take either one. No, my friends…I am not wearing a cloak of depression, I have eradicated that from this body, oh no, this is a cloak of disappointment. Of what if’s and wanna beens. When I die, I want that to go away…..tied onto a kite and released into the biggest wind near a black hole I can find….to be hurtled through space magnetically seeking and drawing towards the violet flame of transmutation….and while it searches, beans and milk are found on earth, to feed the masses and my self prepondered woe is forgiven.  (Not really Sheri, there’s way more woe than that, your indulgence is egregious)

 

When I die, I want to be able to stay…just like I am now, with this brain and this heart. I want to have slumber parties and I want to snuggle and cuddle with girls who get me, really get me. Get, means to retrieve, partake, take, glean………yes, they want to partake of me, of who I am. I want to be acknowledged…and vice versa. I want to be with those who love life inside and out but are so affected by it that they are nearly insane. Those are the real ones. I want them. Near me, beside me. Braiding my hair, bathing me, helping me out of the waters where I turn and lift them out as I twirl a strand of hair in my fingers and brush whispys out of our face. I want the sound of giggles and cackles. I want a cradle for my aging bones and a person to swing it to sleep. A chest to lean upon. A breast to suckle, as I bring the milk into my bones, to strengthen my heart, my will, so I can come again to the land of ingratitude and pour myself like honey…….to be slurped and gargled and spit and feathered but with a many lifetime’d weathered smile, as I then push the reset button and die, really die. Never to be thought of again.                   Death becomes her.

 

Signing off in Costa Rica where I’m still trying to call in rain, another week or so and my girl arrives and, God has left this hot dry garden but He left a blue dragonfly behind to guard us…no, he was all business and refused a photo. And a PS…I fixed my sewing machine all by myself and google!….so I’m back to the skirts and the ANDs. Soon I will be able to give away all my old clothes and only wear my own designs!!! Lovelove   And PSS…sorry, but ya, that is really all thats lacking in my life, therefore thats my heaven and yes I know, heaven is here and yes I know oh GOD…you don’t wanna know what I know, or I’ve read or been told. Jesus, my mind can only take so much of this overflow of misery. I happen to know that all misery is part of the good, but knowing and feeling are not lovers in all ways. 8 billion people….8 billion perceptions on what is life, where do I fit in and how will it end. For those following the Planet X, Nibiru annanuki  theory…dunno, it’s up there now, thats a fact.    For those following the Arcturian theory…..they say they’ll arrive in March or April to usher in the 5d. For those following the 5d is here already, yup….but then revert to Arcturians arriving in March or April. (Christ consciousness arriving not Christ on a cloud) For those following the bible theory….dunno. For those following the Native theory….many are calling Planet X, the Blue Star Kachina…..and oh ya….feed the damn people already!!! Are you blind????? It’s everywhere!!! Just look for the bones. PSSS….society’s only hope….A, God sweeping in. B, magic. C. Put the girls in charge  (Whens the last time God came sweeping in???)

  

Whip scorpion 

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Owl…Shaman…Snake…Goddess, ………and a smoothie

I go through time periods where I don’t really learn, I sit with what I know. I experiment and I also get first hand practice with the world at large. I discover what I now know. What I now believe, because I’ve experienced it in person. And then,…..I am sent on another journey, either a Spirit journey, or a learning journey. I am on a learning journey at the moment. The path of this journey seems to be connected, to be fourfold. Four items of study that appear connected so far. Owl, Shaman, Snake and Goddess. These four things are coming into my world on a steady basis.

Today, in the grocery store, it was as if I was being spoken to, by the things my eyes rested upon. It started with a bottle of wine, rose petal wine. My spiritual name is Rose. Next I saw Goddess, then Procrastinate. How accurate. I do procrastinate in connecting with the feminine. Then the words, Primal roots. This is new. Brand new. Spirit has found another outlet to reach me. I did see two more words, but I hesitate. Alright, here they are. Secret societies and then, crushable. In my spiritual journey of 13 years, I have delved into the secret societies many times, of course, the obvious one I feel drawn to is the Rosicrucian’s. Rose. The other two most commonly read about by me are the Freemasons and the Knights Templar. Not sure why I saw those last two words because I don’t feel much of a connection to them today. The others tell me something though.

This resonates with me.                                                           It is by Susan Seddon-Boule, The Goddess Paintings

They tell me I am a Goddess, and roots would be like, birthright. So, why do I procrastinate seeking my inner goddess? Well, after 38 years of thinking that you are worthless, it takes awhile to re-define yourself. To re-wire your brain, to believe to your depths, a mustard seeds worth. It takes awhile to discover and decide that you are good, and even longer to believe you are worthy. Good and worthy, are not exactly goddess qualities. I can easier believe that I am an Owl goddess, but that’s because I am combining myself with another, and not relying on this soul alone. The painting I showed the other day, would be an example of an owl goddess to me. Maybe I should post it again here. I’m not sure where these 4 things will take me, but I know where I’ve already been. I know that many animals have been healed. I know that some humans have been healed and I now know that I can connect to a persons spirit at times. I know that I connected with my father in laws spirit when he was dying and I helped him get another week which was what he wanted. When he left, he was saying………weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Owl Goddess. Acrylic Sheri Lee

I am eagerly awaiting the future knowledge that is coming to me. I am eagerly open to receiving new gifts of knowledge and purpose and ability. I love learning and I love sharing what I’ve learned. It is only now, in this time, that I have felt that some of this is shareable. That enough understanding has occurred on the planet. I remember as a child, babysitting for a small child who couldn’t walk. In my childness, I didn’t understand why this child couldn’t walk. When the parents left and my PapPap went downstairs, I went to this child and said, get up. Get up and walk. The child did get up and walk. My family assured me I had nothing to do with it. They didn’t like it when I spoke of it or asked questions about it. It was simply squished into the dirt. They were not ready.

I had another gift as a child. My dreams revealed peoples deaths. Nobody liked that one, especially me, because at the time, I thought I was creating their deaths. I thought I had killed them by dreaming of it. For those reasons, I shut down those gifts and have been struggling to receive them back for years now. In the meantime, I learned Reiki, all the way to Master. I rarely finished things in my life, it was funny that this one thing, I was adamant that I learn all the way, To finish. The one thing I finished…learning to heal. So now, even without my childhood gift, I can call myself a healer. Why didn’t I heal Kya or Cherub? Because I was so grounded, so here on earth with my love for them, that it didn’t even occur to me. I cried for them today. I wish I could go back and heal them. I struggle with that.

Today was typical Saturday stuff.

At the Feed Store. One weeks worth, and you can’t see the dog food, plus I didn’t get hay this week, still had some left.

My Saturday Special……..a strawberry banana smoothie from The Sugar Shack.

I move 3 bags at a time, unload them into their receptacles then go back for more. While I did this, my husband rode the riding lawnmower and mowed….but he DID mow down alot of those 10 ft weeds!

After I unloaded all the feed, I took some empty troughs to the girls house for the babies to play on. Haha, they are made of metal so make really loud noise when bumped. They will figure it out.

Very curious, but it makes noise!

Milky, at almost 3 months.

Milly says……..It’s HOT.

No kisses, but he loves me! Of course it’s Opti

When I went outside this morning, my husband had let out Lovey and Gandhi. Lovey didn’t seem to have as much pep as usual, so I gave him some electrolytes. It’s just about bottle time now. So, Signing off at Curly Locks Ranch, with one last painting, oh, I mean photo…of Milky. 🙂

Milky…..looks like a painting, eh?