Tag Archive | God

Hold me?

When I die, I want someone to hold me. To touch me. I want someone to touch my hair, my arms, my belly…my feet. I want someone to run their fingers through my hair to cause the shiver me tingles that I’ve known about since I was 2. I am that little girl who knows of a pleasure yet it never ever comes her way. She watches it from afar all the days of her life.  When I die, I want to carry her on my back and tickle the chins of baby fawns. When I die, maybe just maybe there will  be someone there who really appreciates me. Or…I wait also to die for another option… in case there is no one to care….in case there is just a black space and the brain stops and life ends and no memory ever turns on. Either one, I’ll take either one. No, my friends…I am not wearing a cloak of depression, I have eradicated that from this body, oh no, this is a cloak of disappointment. Of what if’s and wanna beens. When I die, I want that to go away…..tied onto a kite and released into the biggest wind near a black hole I can find….to be hurtled through space magnetically seeking and drawing towards the violet flame of transmutation….and while it searches, beans and milk are found on earth, to feed the masses and my self prepondered woe is forgiven.  (Not really Sheri, there’s way more woe than that, your indulgence is egregious)

 

When I die, I want to be able to stay…just like I am now, with this brain and this heart. I want to have slumber parties and I want to snuggle and cuddle with girls who get me, really get me. Get, means to retrieve, partake, take, glean………yes, they want to partake of me, of who I am. I want to be acknowledged…and vice versa. I want to be with those who love life inside and out but are so affected by it that they are nearly insane. Those are the real ones. I want them. Near me, beside me. Braiding my hair, bathing me, helping me out of the waters where I turn and lift them out as I twirl a strand of hair in my fingers and brush whispys out of our face. I want the sound of giggles and cackles. I want a cradle for my aging bones and a person to swing it to sleep. A chest to lean upon. A breast to suckle, as I bring the milk into my bones, to strengthen my heart, my will, so I can come again to the land of ingratitude and pour myself like honey…….to be slurped and gargled and spit and feathered but with a many lifetime’d weathered smile, as I then push the reset button and die, really die. Never to be thought of again.                   Death becomes her.

 

Signing off in Costa Rica where I’m still trying to call in rain, another week or so and my girl arrives and, God has left this hot dry garden but He left a blue dragonfly behind to guard us…no, he was all business and refused a photo. And a PS…I fixed my sewing machine all by myself and google!….so I’m back to the skirts and the ANDs. Soon I will be able to give away all my old clothes and only wear my own designs!!! Lovelove   And PSS…sorry, but ya, that is really all thats lacking in my life, therefore thats my heaven and yes I know, heaven is here and yes I know oh GOD…you don’t wanna know what I know, or I’ve read or been told. Jesus, my mind can only take so much of this overflow of misery. I happen to know that all misery is part of the good, but knowing and feeling are not lovers in all ways. 8 billion people….8 billion perceptions on what is life, where do I fit in and how will it end. For those following the Planet X, Nibiru annanuki  theory…dunno, it’s up there now, thats a fact.    For those following the Arcturian theory…..they say they’ll arrive in March or April to usher in the 5d. For those following the 5d is here already, yup….but then revert to Arcturians arriving in March or April. (Christ consciousness arriving not Christ on a cloud) For those following the bible theory….dunno. For those following the Native theory….many are calling Planet X, the Blue Star Kachina…..and oh ya….feed the damn people already!!! Are you blind????? It’s everywhere!!! Just look for the bones. PSSS….society’s only hope….A, God sweeping in. B, magic. C. Put the girls in charge  (Whens the last time God came sweeping in???)

  

Whip scorpion 

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 stir…

Are you really ok with your religion? Your God is the God you want? He’s the right kindness for you? The right temperament? Is there any truth to any of it? Any religion? Any God? Which God? Her, Him? The one who teaches to rape? Or the one who is so jealous? Think about it. What does God mean? It means the creator! The thing that created me and this planet and the stars and the heavens and the hells. NOT. And YES! Which God created the heavens? Which God created the planet that we sleep on? Same God? All one? Which God was the first God? How do you know? What was first? Blackness? Or light? Did they really have a war and we are the spoils of that? The loser gets the spoils? IN what game? Since when does the loser get anything??? You see……none of religion makes sense. For all we know, we are in a dome and the dome was created a hundred years ago. The people that old are all dying off so they can’t tell the truth. Any story they want, they can create and place in the sand and say HERE……here is the truth!

 

One big huge hologram set. Like in the movie Hunger Games. Where they can make fires happen or floods or cause the bees to swarm….a set, where inserts can be inserted as needed. A bear there, to scare that mother into protecting her young thereby enabling her to leave her abusive husband. A flood, caused to further the souls of all the people along the floodplains. A firefly in winter, appears on the window of one who may give up hope without that flash of green light at her request. A software program, and we are the program designers. Our souls are in the other world and our essence is here in the hologram.

 

Here’s one thing that mystifies me. If the powers that be wanted, they could have removed all references to the books they were copying from. For instance, if the gospels were taken from the African texts, why not then destroy said African texts? Why allow them to remain to be found and used against? A mindboggler. Really. Why am I able to google and find the same storylines? Mithra, Isis, Mary. Huh? Why? Maybe they wanted confusion. That would be my best guess and I actually have something to go by. Myself. I have been asked to do a mission for God and the main jewel of the mission…is to confuse. To shake beliefs. To clear the field to allow for truth to enter…..because she’s about to enter!

  

 oh…don’t go there

  • We can ignore it. We can dig a hole in the sand and stick our  heads in it. We can wear rose colored glasses or shades so dark and thick we can’t see nothin. We can swat it away like a fly, but negative energy is real and it’s out there. It’s in here too. What to do with it? The governments really are trying to kill us slowly. If we were all healthy and happy all the time, where would be the need for governance? If joy was the meal of the day our bodies and minds would thrive and rise and this would rise everything around it. The word economy would be eradicated.  E  con  o  my. Oh my is right. Everything is a con from the fabric to the rubber to the poison food. They poison us so we need doctors and they give us poison medicines to keep us needing the doctors. A circle. Sick. Who can fight when they’re sick? I can’t reiterate this enough. We are being poisoned via the sky(chemtrails), the ground, (GMO’s) the water (fluoride and who knows what) and the mind(tv). But that’s not enough, they also poison through the schools now too. Have you seen the commoncore? Ya, what’s common is it’s rotten to the core. They take a simple mathematical problem and send you to the moon and back for an answer when the answer is sitting right there. Why? Because the only thing real….the only thing that is absolute….absolute true…is math. Sacred Geometry. The ONLY truth. They desire dumb humans who won’t fight back. Who won’t care. Sluggish beings. Eh. No biggie. They feed us the word conspiracy theory as a means of playing the game of the peanut and the shell. Right now….there is the world series of….peanut and the shell. I got your fuckin peanut boys!!!

 

I am a human of high emotion. High ups and high downs….and high indignations as well. To me, life is one big huge indignation right now. I’m like this little bug trying to hold onto my rope and stuff….got a job to do….and the wind is blowing me….its whipping me…………..I can see the dudes face…huge……lips puckered……blowing lies and icks and pains….I’m trying to hang on, keep my rope and my tools AND reach the top. What good is it to reach the summit if I don’t have my tools still? That would leave me at the summit alone. The tools my friends, are so we can get you up that mountain too! So let’s get real here. Negative emotion. It ain’t just sadness folks. And it ain’t just fear of what the bad guys are doing or gonna do to us. Oh no. It’s evil. Evil lives inside us. That’s where the devil is. LIVED. DEVIL. LIVED. One of the greats in the plant kingdom taught me this lesson. Ayahuasca. Grandmother Aya taught me that my mind, and what I was allowing it to do….was worse than any abuser, terrorist, killer, wife beater…could ever be. Me and my shadow. My shadow is mean to me. Cruel beyond words. She used to slay me daily, then God would repaint me and I’d stand to be slain again. But it goes much further than that.

 

My shadow is jealous. My shadow sees another do what I’ve struggled to do for years…….and do so effortlessly and with panache and style….and she berates me. She squeezes precious tears from me until I…..I, can right myself and correct her. She wants to say…it’s not fair….like she’s done so many times throughout her life, but no…..wisdom is her friend and she reminds herself that life is not about fair. Life is about LIFE! COLOR! SPLASH! TOUCH! HEART! And mine is mine and theirs is theirs! Nothing wrong with mine. The more I like mine, the less I want theirs. The more joy I find with what I already have in my life….the less I need of what’s in others lives. I am fulfilled. I am infused with joy. An elixir of joy is inside each and every cell in my body and it’s also in the protons surrounding me. We, I walk in beauty. Do you see? Do you see that it is that 360 degree sphere perception that changes the reflection? Like a finger dipped into the pool of water. Over and over. Each dip of the finger, causes a ripple. How hard did the finger dip? How fast? What was the water doing when the finger dipped? All of these things affect the ripple size and depth and color and and and…..as well as…perspective and perception. Oh the lovely pers. Persnickety. Do you see that we can change our perspective in a nano second? I do it effortlessly now. Midstream in my thoughts or sentences and I know….I’ve put the sentence together wrong…………it will create negative. SHIFT. Switch.

 

Ok….well, I have barely covered a tiny bit of the word that is negativeEnergy. Ya….its thrown together so often it may as well be one word. Same for the positive. Hey, yo. Middle, middle right, middle left. Also viable and also useful. If you don’t know the depths of the pool…….you don’t know how far you can swim…or what’s down there hiding in a treasure chest tied with rusted chains!!! If you don’t know the tippy top of love……then you only know a crumb. Here’s another negative nancy for ya. The fear of not being enough. Enough for who? Enough for what? My shadow sees other peoples words these days and says to me………..see, those are good words. Worthy words. People read those words. Oh look, they are sharing the words as well…they really like them. Oh yes, they’re helping me too, those words, so yes…I’ll share them too! Oh goodness, the people really need to hear those words. Not my words. No. Mine are written differently, not in the right first person or right flow or right need for the people, because nobody reads mine. Should I stop? Should I bother? Am I making a difference? Am I helping? Should I stop? Should I stop? Signing off in Costa Rica where I am preparing my art for an event…yup I am…..where communities are springing up everywhere like daisies and the majority of HUman sounds are negative to my ears and Spirit sounds are positive. Ahhh, the battery of silence. Oh…and what to do with negativeEnergy? Reverse the poles if you can…if you can’t…MOVE! Oh, haha, and throw some violet flame on it to transform it!!!

PS….It’s a real question. Is there a point to these writings? Anyone getting some kinda help from them? If not, I’ll just stop. Free up my time. Tinker with a book. This is the little girl inside….asking you guys for your help…..what she’s really asking is……can I really sing or have people been lying to me my whole life? I am so strong now, and I can take the truth even if it comes as a punch. I want an honest answer please. Please. Do I help? Or are they pretty words…

   
  
    
    
    J 

a butterfly hurricane…

Man, I cannot tell you how weird this all is for me. I was leading a beautiful life and I still am, it’s just that it changed. Like, suddenly my focus is about girls. Women. Feminine. God. A year ago it was goats!!! Then it was God and mushrooms, then God, mushrooms, bugs and birds and now this. But this one feels like work. Like a debate topic I’ve been instructed to take on. You know, where you get told a topic and you have to give both sides, both arguments. Passion for it has overtaken me. I became interested in ’06 after the wintersolsticeexperience. Before that I was just your typical misfit female posterchild for abuse. A female victim. A child unloved. The combination was horrid. Because I was unloved, I became a victim….like a magnet draws what pulls toward it. And now look at me. Playing Jesus Mary and their mom! It’s just silly. I tell God all the time. This is so silly. Sure, I understand the premise…but I just don’t see what power I have. I can’t even get people to read this. I guess even if I can’t get any of the new earth ideas implemented, I have at least put a question on some minds. Maybe that’s enough. I’ve flapped my wings…have I flapped enough to cause a hurricane across the oceans? See, I’m trying to get out of it. Again! Nothing new. There’s too much angst with this drama. And drama is 3d. Ohhhhhhh. Ok. Ok jeeze.

   
    
  

If I were brave….truly brave, I’d have whipped myself up some unGodly outfit and flown to some drastic place and stood on a corner, spilling my truth. That’s brave. My real truth at the moment is that I’ve had a bit of fear come back into me lately. That snake incident, it shook me. Then I wanted to go to snakeland and hold some to get over it and I haven’t yet…all I know is, I’m not as brave. I won’t admit it to myself though. Yayaya, just did, I know. I’m calling it…”I’m obviously supposed to be thinking about the feminine instead of mushrooming”. Obviously. Chickenshit. Haha…..I’ll give myself a wee bit of slack though. I’ve got other angst’s goin. Lined up, ready to test my enlighten’dness. Which as I told you, is a yoyo….but hey…it’s a yoyo!!!!!! Yippeeeee!!!!! 16 years to get this far. Slow go but speeding up. And besides, going outside is not so fun a lot of the time. I am so connected to every piece of the land that it breaks my heart daily to see what has been destroyed. Simple raking or weedwhacking is devastating. It is truly as if there is a camera on me and all of my places, my favorite cool spots to take photos of either bugs or mushrooms, becomes a dumping ground for the gardener. Every one. Well, cept for the logs…..but he weedwhacks them till they hide nothing. Any other time and I would take it as a sign to leave. I’m holding out for my daughter. Plus I do love it here. Oh…I can yimmyyammy……I feel very alone here. I feel very alone there.

 

If thine eye be single, the whole body will be full of light.(I just heard that phrase, I like it) Whatever name I use, the goal is the same. More light. More people with light. Less suffering. So….could it be that I am reaching Christ Consciousness and not at all a member of the Jesus family? Of course. I’m a human dissecting images and thoughts. It’s always possible that I’m interpreting the messages wrong. However, while I tell you that for your reassurance….. I yam what I yam. Go Popeye. Who knew? The simple act of wanting to help……is in itself, a desire. The illusion. Its two schools at war. End the illusion and rise above it with no thoughts and creating our universe with our thoughts.  See how complicated this is? And I haven’t even mentioned Catholicism or Christianity or any other religion. Just the simple act of thought. Ha, nothing simple about thought. It requires a college level though, so you best be enrolling soon.

 

Signing off at Quebradas Costa Rica where the church is pink, the sound of a fruit falling from a tree is thunderous and startling…and a hundred parrots come for afternoon tea. LoveLove PS…what do you call an oddity like me? Call me Mama, like always.

PSS….Tolstoy was wrong. He said no one does. Well, I do. He said everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change themselves. I have so proven him wrong.

don’t shoot the MESSENGER…Jesus is here

Ok folks. I’m tired of hiding in the bushes. Haha. You’ll get the joke in a minute. Life has been steering me in a strange direction. I knew as an itty bitty kid that I didn’t really want to do what was expected of me later in life. That I was here for a different reason than most humans. That I came for a specific reason and I didn’t think I was up to it so I covered myself in shame and unworthiness and walked with my head held down. I walked for most of my life this way. Staring at the ground. The concrete. Even likened my heart in a poem to concrete. Concrete Heart. I was the gift that nobody wanted….another poem. I knew this from a very young age and it directed my life. Now, I have reached the time that I feared. Now. Which now…that one? That one? Shit…I missed it again. I have had this information now for a few months. This haunting. Ya, I’m being haunted. No question. I am haunted by the Feminine. The loss of….the crushing of….the return of. I pray. I beg even. Please, please, tell me what to do. Am I to take this literally or as a statement? I Keep starting books, and websites….but none seem right. I research and research and my passion grows…..it hurts my belly so. My life is not what I thought it was. My life is more. I am more. But how much more is the question.

During my WinterSolsticeExperience2006, I didn’t tell you all of it. I told you I shifted the masculine to feminine that night, until the same date in 2011 when I was asked to shift it back. Now why….would God ask me to do that? Seriously, ME? I’ve often wondered. I understand now. Well, to a degree. In the Experience I told you that it was a lesson about the archetypes and how they come to earth. So….I was shown that the same soul comes again and again as the same entity but in different times and looks. I also have since learned that we each play all the archetypes as well. Well, I know now which archetype is mine. Only it’s not normal……..is anything ever normal with me????? So here’s the deal. My soul belongs to the entities known as Jesus, Mary, Isis, Sophia, Shekinah. What??????? Anyone do a doubletake? Yes, lil ole me is saying that. Wait…what? If you forget for a second that it’s me saying it…..look again. Jesus…what’s he doing in that list of women? WELL…………………………………. That my friends is where the oddity comes in. It is being shown to me, that Jesus was not a person. That Jesus is a made up name, for the human being known as Mary, the Mother. That the female was being removed from history as God. Replaced with another. So. For months now, I have been trying to sort. Am I Jesus incarnated? Am I Mary? Am I Sophia? All of these entities come repeatedly to earth. Jesus came as Buddha, Thoth, Horus, etc. Sophia came as Isis, Mary, etc. OR…..am I not an incarnation. Perhaps it’s more of a consciousness I am personifying. After the angst of months…..I came to the realization that it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter if I am the real thing or Memorex. I was sent. I was sent as her. As him being her. As her being him. She. SHE. SHE whose womb the worlds are birthed. She who created the stars. She who lives now in the Tree of Life, after scorning the snakes attempt.

IF I am an incarnation of Jesus….I know now that I am not alone in this. There are many. MANY!!! They write books! I know why too. I know why they are here…..and I know why I am here. I just don’t know how to go about it. They….the Jesus’s are here because of the messed up message the church did for gain. I, am here because of the messed up world we have all endured while having a Patriarchal society. Those can only be war societies. That’s how boys are made. How are girls made? Made to create. To carry the babies in the womb. To tend the gardens. To intuit. To nurture. To maintain compassion…..etc. Now…..which one might make a more pleasant society to live in??? Simple question…simple answer. So. Here I AM. Am I HER? Maybe I am. I do for sure represent her. I am the voice of SophiaMaryJesus. Not a damn thing I can do about it. We can only be who or what we are. SO……how best to utilize this? How to help the world knowing this? I am not the first to ponder this………..there is a wild blonde who came to say something feminine……not the same thing I say, but a message nonetheless….Madonna. Hers was more on the sensual spectrum of the color of woman, outwardly, but inwardly…I’m certain that she has experienced the full spectrum of womanhood……a rare thing. I think about it and think about it and I decide that while it is awesome to be outfitted with the fresh new Christ Consciousness….I know it’s more than that in my case. Have always known. I believe the answer is to be an icon. An icon for the Feminine. Sounds grandiose. Guess what….it is. It is Grand. And its oh so awesome. Of course it’s a woman. Women are the creators!!!! How did we get sideswiped about that???? The rose colored glasses were not rose…..they were grey and they were forced on!!! Men don’t create!!! They tear down!!! Yes, there are exceptions to every rule but the majority will follow their design. Nothing wrong with tearing down. Remaking. Rethinking. Sure. But as a home….a warmth….a feeling of safety and serenity, the earth needs nurturers. Simple solution. Join forces. Women design the ways of life….men help implement it and design the perfections.

Have I freaked you out? I’ve been pretty stressed about it. I was advised to be quiet. I pondered this too. I don’t need to know if I incarnated or not. All I need to know is what is needed. I know what is needed. How to go about it is the harder part. This should tell you that I speak my truth. That I can say with a straight face……….I know how to fix the world………gimme money, time…5, maybe 10 years, helpers and AUTHORITY and wham. OR….as I’ve been telling God/Spirit, gimme powers and ya…..I’ll fix it real quick. It’s really so simple. So simple. Let the RIGHT feminine run things awhile and soon…..things will shift to where it can change to a Jetriarchal society. Joint EFFORT Trilogy society. Feminine, Masculine and Holy Spirit. As it is now, they have Mary as the Holy Spirit, but only in some systems. But in the end……the bottom line of my job…..is to shed light. Light on the possibilities. To say…..it is not one way. It is many ways. All the Jesus incarnates have been writing books… titled The Way…..in some form. It is the way. But so is this. Or this. Everything is a bubble. Round. Can be seen 360 ways times what…..gosh I suck at math…..times, 360 times 360? Haha.. A lot of ways!!! A lot of perspectives. This water sphere of life…..creates so many facets, and add the light and shadow and jeeze. Life is so very intricate. In case I’m not being clear….I’m speaking of the water drop say, on a leaf. It reflects what is around it inside the drop….but depending on where you stand…you see something different. Life IS a water drop. Humans ARE a water drop. We reflect. In the end…..what I am here about, is to shake things up….and reinvigorate the TRUE RELIGION…LOVE. I’ll be speaking more about this, but it is the only religion we need. Not male female really, in the end…the message is LOVE. So….I think I need to become ME. What does that look like? We shall see. I’m learning who she is. Signing off in Quebradas, Costa Rica where weedwhackers, motorcycles and pa systems are the typical sounds, the river flow tries to cover the human sounds, and the butterflies flit and chase and dive and swirl and dance.

   
    
    
     

   

money for Spirit…

My God. When I was a kid and I had visions of a new earth…..never….in those visions did it cost money to learn how to be spiritual!!! Donate your talents, trade them for goodness sakes. Ayye carumba! I just want to scream at it. The festivals charging hundreds of dollars to waygoers and thousands to vendors. What the??? What are you thinking? Greed. Back to the almighty buck. This will be the last year for the Big metaphysical festival, here in Costa Rica. Last year, Summer and I chose not to spend $300 dollars to walk in the door to the beach…..and so we came a week later last year. Missed all the hubbub. This year, I’m watching from a distance. Jeeze. And…..I’m listening. I had really wanted to go until I began to watch the posts appear on FB. Not only are they taking all that money from the people, to host a cool event that people have a need in their soul for, and not only do they not give a rats ass about the local people, but now they are obviously planning to take the lions share of the after event money as well. That tourism that would typically go to locals. Imagine……..the native local people having to go without water for days upon days. I think they got 3 hours a day for the last 2-3 days. In summer. And are they well compensated? The locals? Guess. That’s not the new earth I want. I don’t know. This is a hard issue for me. I need to ponder it more cuz until money is no more, hmmm. Gosh, I forgot… Then there’s the sister events. Pick one. Any one. Cost is prohibitive. Sad sad sad

(Story behind the sap drops…tree cries when I hug it….before I went to Texas last time and for Christmas! …Sat down to take photo of tears and saw the dangerous but cool caterpillars.)

 

It’s been pretty quiet here. Christmas. No weedwhackers. Aside from the fireworks and bit of gunfire, that is. I knew I would have no presents to open on Christmas day so I asked God a few months ago, to give me a certain mushroom. That clear jelly one with the facets. Well, I was invited to go to Sound of Light, Florestral…the ayahuasca place, and they had purple jellies!!!!! SO….I knew they could be my gift….but I didn’t go. Christmas came. I relearned gratitude again. The kind where what you got was basically what you asked for….just a cheaper less technological version. I’ll tell ya. I wanted a laptop. I needed a laptop. I use it for the blog, the photos from my phone, books I’m writing in the Que……and mine is about 6 years old, is infected, is missing 2 keys, the control button sticks and makes it go wonky so ya……..well, I got a boring old version……and he likes to add ram and stuff so I can’t even trade it in or take it back. Haha…..and a 2 year warranty on a NON touchscreen. Like a little kid at Christmas…..I had wanted a swipe laptop and I got a mouse laptop. Same ole same ole. My little heart fell and I had to search within myself for a way. A way to love it anyway. And I did. I think. I don’t have it yet. It’s in Texas, I’m in paradise. Ha. Paradise with skeeters! And the snake the other day has set me back in the fear department, I won’t lie. They say it’s spring….that we just went through winter but the ground is so covered in leaves of all sizes and sorts that the ground is camouflage now. How did I see that snake amongst those leaves? Am I becoming psychic? Or…..was it God saying keep listening to Him? I gotta come to grips with it. Hmmm….no….no like that word……come to terms with it. Like a deal. Not a pulling. I’m being very careful of my words nowadays…..WAY more than I used to.

   
    
   
I took in another skirt yesterday….gosh I love having this sewing machine. Wore 2 of my skirts to the ladies gathering and got a…..I LIKE your style! Lol. Came up with another thing I wanna make….a product. Small. Not too much money. Locals could buy it too. Haven’t tried it yet. Very simple….like my felting aspirations these days. Not selling any art took something from me that I have not been able to get back. I guess I do have a sadness….because the words elicit tears. My own tears. I’m doing small tiny cheap things now. My art heart was broken. I’ll show you a photo of one. For 20 bucks….it shouldn’t take me this long, but my heart isn’t all the way there. I don’t know how to get it back fully. Or if I will. Maybe subconsciously I’m mad at the world. Ha….and desperate to save it as well. You’d be amazed at how many people feel like they’re supposed to do something…………but what???  Urgency.

Remember that cleaning lady? I hired her for $3 an hour to clean this tiny cabin…..because I spiderlovin Mama here, was bein overrun. So many webs by my bed! SO, I hired her. She cleaned the webs and………………….yup. One bit me that night on the back of my head. Angry. Well, that was like Nov 7th or so. The bite still itches me….and, they have all moved back in. So…..no more cleaning lady. Plus, I felt the class thing, and it was ick. The raindrop mushrooms never did get to come back after the gardeners apocalypse. I thought maybe. But no. Oh…..back to the story! I didn’t go see the purple jelly mushroom at SOL, so I told God I couldn’t hold it against him if I didn’t get one for Christmas as I asked. Then HE gives me a different jelly. Clear, and in the shape of a cube. Really cool. Like a crystal ball.  So…..I said that too could be my Christmas jelly!!! I don’t want anyone to have bad feelings so I was giving God some outs. Christmas Eve….no jelly. Christmas Day…..no jelly. A large sleeping butterfly sitting on a nearby branch instead of the jelly…..was not enough for me and I had a moment. Ya, whiny gal cried. Then recovered and took her photo! Next day….day AFTER Christmas…all expectations over and gone. First…….in the gardens, a Morphie baby(a blue morph breed of which one befriended me who has since died) arrived and went under the leaf like her mom and let me do anything!!! Flash at 3 inches away….over and over…from every direction….tilt…flash……turn….flash……..forward….back…….!!!!  The emotion of it overtook me and I sat on the earth and cried. A true Christ mas gift. A friend. That night, I decided to publish the insect page on FB that I’d been creating for weeks. I wanted to grab a few last minute photos from the laptop. As I did, I found a folder I thought lost. Inside…………..you guessed it. My Christmas mushroom. The original mushroom, yes, but as I’d thought it lost forever…..to me…it was the mushroom again. As if I’d just taken the photo. God loves me. Signing off in Quebradas, CostaRica where snakes are very long, the best fruits ripen in summer, and 3 little extra small opossums tried to make a nest in my roof….the hissing and then the image in my head of them falling and running around hissing in circles….caused me to play music and talk loudly. We’ll see. Haha. LoveLove

   
    
    
    
   

ignoring our call…….

I’ve just realized I am ignoring my call. It screams at me…I follow it…then I see its truth and say no….that’s not for me. I’m not enough. I don’t have enough. Honest to goodness….just a moment ago…for the thousandth time, I saw a word and went to follow where it led. When I arrived at the well of that writers heart, it shivered me….as always. My soul has always sat up, turned around, saying to itself…what, what? Did someone say……? Always, when I get there, learn what they have come to share, I leave split still. One of me says we are….one of me says who ME? I war with myself. The difference though, is that now…..I hear my self…….I hear the words I say to my self. I catch them in the act. Stunning…..just stunning. I can now reroute when I see the ridiculousness of what my brain had been doing. It’s not all ridiculous though. After all, this body, brain and I all gotta go together. So…today was typical. I saw the word….followed it…felt my excitement and wish that I could be such….told myself I would never reach this goal so don’t bother reading any further. Heard myself tell myself that……rewind. Play. Rewind. Play. Oh heck no!!! Oh my. I realized it was a line that had been playing in my head my entire life. I always thought it was a wannabe thought. An I WISH thought. Today I realeyes’d that this thought has always been with me…….well, both actually. The original WORD…..and the Ego reaction to it. Anyway….having that realization then set me on a path of linking up with thoughts that fit in that category, so I could now apply this new knowledge. WOWZA. I am seriously a human who is being upgraded……sure wish they’d hurry up on the emotions though. Little me doesn’t even want to say the word. Oh…I say the word all the time….but not in conjunction with my Self. Like yesterday…..a surreal happening. After posting that I had been accused of being NewAge(we hate that term ye know)……and posting Jim Carrey’s video with it…..my friend then shared that Jim Carrey video and named some people who had helped her. One, was mine. WOW! Well, actually I knew this, she tells me often. Another name was Eckhart Tolle. Ha!!! My name….alongside Eckhart Tolle…!!! It was a feel good moment. I think, isn’t that the guy who had the spiritual rebirth, similar to mine? Anyway…cool beans.

     

  

       

  

  

     

 It’s been a magnificent couple days….outside for close to 4 hours each day. I literally flow from ahhhhhh to aHHHHHHH! It’s been bugs. Put in front of me…spectacular bugs. As if they were ordered to do it. One but went round to the back of the leaf….finally I bent the leaf. I just kept twisting it till he was within camera shot and he didn’t budge. An inch from my hand and not a quiver. The gardener killed the sparkle waterdrop crystalline situation….would you believe he killed 2? Wow….was I blessed….to watch 2 in the most magical processes I’ve ever seen. Still wanna know the purpose……seriously Buller drop overkill. Buller drop is the rain drop that the mushroom uses to spread its spore. This is Buller drop on universal steroids. Well…it was. After the gardeners tools sent garden bodyparts all over these mushrooms with their perfect spheres………..they have now gone to the last phase of the mystery process, which is…covering the mushrooms in white fuzz. The hairy kind….not the tiny white mushroom kind. Gosh, I’m boring you. Hmmm…..there’s a snake in my cabin!!! He’s been here for hours now. Been gathering up courage all day to get close, move things, poke around…trying to get him to leave. Nope…well, I suppose he could be gone but I have no way to know that. I’m being brave. And dumb. An out was given me….a phone number to a guy who handles snakes. I didn’t wanna bother him…it was nearly dark by then. So…me and the snake. Alone. Well….with all the lizards and most likely the bathroom frog. Oh…and the ants. Last night, for some weird reason, the big ones were walking across the kitchen in a line. Every so many seconds, the front one would turn around and make sure everyone was still in the line. I saw a poor worm who popped up for air……and was pounced on by a million ants. Poor worm. Happens to butterflies too. Harsh place, this jungle. Can be. She’s being kind to me. I’m grateful. They are removing so much leafage here. So much shade from the mushroom areas. Today there was more cut…..he shouldn’t arrive till tomorrow! Spirit gave me blue mushies to cheer me up though. A bunch of them Ha. That’s when I was scared though. Guess I was upset, so not in full control….therefore I whacked the leaves and announced my arrival onto the forest floor before I jumped down….haven’t done that in months…so was showing my fear. Fear of snakes. So…..when I returned to my real safe zone…where I sleep…here is the snake. Spirit…..teaches strong. Signing off here in this lonely cabina in Quebradas, Costa Rica where bugs wear their eyes backwards, grasshoppers wear neon car paint colors, and I’m wearing a maxi tankdress with a red crochet tassle vest. Yeehaw!!! And flipflops. My first warm winter ever! I have however, exchanged cold….for bug bites. Lovelove.