the DEATHGRIP…

   

  

  

  

  

  

 Love them enough….to let them go. This includes everyone…and everything. People hang on with a deathgrip. Ahhhh, a deathgrip!!! Yes, a deathgrip. Something touches us, be it human, a soft blanket, kitten fur, the sight of a butterfly….it can be anything. Anything that stimulates the heart function. No, not the beat kind. The other heart muscles!!! The ones that set our soul a’giggle……..that lift our toes off the ground defying gravity in the intensity of love. This feels good, and in a pain filled society such as ours, feeling good is dug like gold. This is when the deathgrip comes into play. We don’t want to give it up! Ever! We latch on. Hook our invisible cords into the object of our affection…notice how impersonal the word Object is…..and we intend to stay coupled with that energy forever. There is a keyword here that I haven’t even used…..EXPECTATIONS.  Expectations are the filling of a balloon………rising it into the sky…..then shooting darts at them…..with expert marksmen. These expectations defy all the rules. All the absolutes. Everything born must die. To every thing, there is a season. What you give, you will receive….if not this lifetime, then perhaps the next…..or your children will pay perhaps instead?

  

    
  
    
 Death. I remember being told that my PapPap was not well.  I was a brand new Born Again Christian……….well, I have been born again but not by that religion, God himself reborned me many years later……and my PapPap was in a coma. He was my favorite person on the planet. Why? Give you one guess. He loved me. I’ve been seeking the experience of love since they spanked my ass that first time. So, there is my precious grandfather laying in a coma. Hmmm. What to do. So I started talking. I told him about me finding Jesus and I asked if he knew if he was going to heaven. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! He came out of that coma like a monster movie!!! His body flew up into seated position and his eyes were wide and white with fear. He thought he was dying. My words did that. This saddened me most of my life, but I remind myself that he came out of the coma…..and lived a few more years. I released him that day. I think it’s something we have to just do. Like, when our babies are born, we need to release them then….that’s what we supposedly do at baptism and dedication, but did we really dedicate them to GOD? Or do we keep the reins??? WE keep the reins. WE won’t allow them to leave us. We have that deathgrip….so we’ll find any means, do any thing, pay any cost, sell anything including our soul……..to keep something that was never ever meant to be kept. If I could give one gift to the world today it would be the knowledge that a gift is as full as its intention. What I mean is, a baby……..who died in the womb……….was a baby……………in the belly of the mama, held in the heart of most papa’s and family. Even if a mama alone, that baby lived its fullness whether it breathed or not. That baby existed. It was a vibration. A song. This same thing goes for every moment of life. The gift would be for you to understand. Cherish what you get. Cherish the perfectness of that gift. Alright. I have someone in mind. Sweetie, you had a lifetime with your sister and you even got to walk her to heavens gate. You had the gift of your sister for several decades. Do you know how many minutes that is???? She was a good gift!!! Let her go. Let her spirit rise and do what she needs to do. Hovering over you isn’t sustainable. She loves you too and doesn’t want you in pain either. Say thankyou for what you have received and go….ask for your next gift. Your sister will be watching from the bleachers cheering you on!!! Perhaps view it from her perspective? She put in her time on the spinning ball. She loved well and she was loved well. She had a good life. Next. Like…..when school is over, we go on vacation. When vacation is over, we go to school. Go back to life school…dive in! Put her in a balloon and release her! Free the both of you.

 

Basically………..this is attachment. Haha…..I hated that monk word. Ya, but once I ate it for dinner, swallowed it….felt the grains and foods sliding down my tubes and into me……spreading out and touching therefore, every cell I have…….and now I understand it. So….i unattach. I even unattach from the fact that that is a little I and is not capitalized!!! Sure, I could fix it….but…its not important enough so I unattach. Lordie………….it becomes fun actually. It’s like pulling vacuumous elephant trunks  off of you….octopus style. I have unattached from my children. If they die….I love you so much………thankyou for the time you gave me. I will not beseech them to stay on my account…..and I will not allow beseeching. I did. I have evolved. I also had to cure myself of attaching to the gifts from God. My daily jaunts into the woods and among the plants, give me so many gifts….but not all are meant to be shared. Some butterflies fly away before I get the shot. Some I never even lift the camera cuz I know they are flying too fast and too erratic. Some bugs fly off just as I snap the photo. Sometimes I cry. My disappointment factor. Why? I expected. Expectation. I expected that bug or butterfly to be a gift, therefore sit still like a good little gift should!!! But it can’t. It has its own life to live. Its own timetables to meet and 6 degrees of separation to find. I got my biggest dose of learning this when I had the goats. Falling so deeply in love for the 5 months before they were even born…then birthing them, then loving them, then holding them while they died. Praying for God to take them fast, which HE never did. Death is not meant to be pretty. It is meant as a reminder that nothing is permanent, yet we take that reminder and we say no….I’m attaching and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. True. True true true. Problem I see with this logic is……….if you are so busy not letting go……you are missing school. You are playing hooky on life cuz you want something you can’t have. There are still so many levels that must be climbed. So many stairs. They all must be reached. Sitting in defiance with a pout on your face is not getting you up those stairs. Sometimes, people dedicate their lives to not letting go…….As your friend, I want to say…It is within your being, to say yes to life…..and free those balloons. All of them. You’ve held on so long. Please. Release the string from your hand. You’ll both rise. Get mad at me for these words or take them as a gift as intended. I love you. All of you guys………..this stuff is true. You know it. Let’s change how we do things. Signing off at Quebradas, CostaRica where a ten minute drive can get you ten degrees cooler, the fruit vendors are generous, and MamaSheri’s can come and thrive and not die and even become the woman they were meant to be. We be steppin out. YA! PS…………….we as a people have deathgrips on ways of being and ways of doing. I and many others aim to offer alternative ways of thinking in the coming days weeks and years. Stay tuned. 

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