I only have 2 regrets in my life. That I didn’t give my children more. 2 children, 2 regrets. That I didn’t leave them something. I carry shame because I didn’t. I tried to leave a legacy with my words but they blew away in the wind. I tried to leave a legacy with my art but it blew away too. You will never know the depth of my horror that the art I created…….that my daughter wanted to emulate…..was moot. God I hate moot. I’ve been moot for so dang long. Well, I’m not moot now. Well, maybe I am. I’m still deciding. Do I listen to Gods will for me or the humans? The humans is easier and safer.
I guess it’s a random blog. I have some things that just outright piss me off. Life’s little bitches. The unsung heros. I want to sing to them. I myself am one. One of the overlooked, the invisible. If you’re not like me…..you probably have no idea this goes on. Are you aware that I cry tears for your misery? Did you know that people release those energies? Pent up energies. Hostage energies. Halfass released energies. This energy has nowhere to go but to eat you up. So I and people like me….eat that energy and release it ourselves. It’s our gift. Our service. Some say service work like that should be done with no expectations and while that is correct, it’s not complete. No….we shouldn’t expect thank you’s or recognition for our service gifts……..but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be received. To give and give and give….without even a smile in gratitude…..sucks all the nutrients from the soil of that giver. Perhaps a Lightworker Day is in order. A day set aside where they we can recharge our lights. A day to receive. This is not necessary. We do not require this. We would be the light forever……..charging toward the need. But wouldn’t it be nice…..if we didn’t have to? Wouldn’t it be nice if people knew what we did for them….for the world….the galaxy? The yoniverse? Wouldn’t it be nice… if instead of laughing at us…..we were respected. Instead of being feared, we were appreciated. We’re like Mega Prayer Warrrrrriors. Megamegamega! The ultimate in prayer warriors. We don’t get a cool name like MONK. Or Priestess or priest. Nope….we are a word that has been sillyfied. Lightworker. Hokey. Well………..that’s not exactly what I am. Let me see if I can rename what I do. Rehome it. Iam a secret shaman who travels through dimensions to heal with light, color, words and ideas who works on an individual and a mass planetary basis. I do it for free. I am a giver. I give my words for free as well. My wisdom. My wisdom is hard earned and painfully diversified. Iam an umbrella….at least that is my intention with my words….to put a layer of protection over my readers. Wisdom is experience. Wisdom reroutes away from pain. I share my experience to be your wisdom. Iam many things……and Iam becoming more.
Still in the human body though. Still experiencing down days and unintentional angst. I went to another Sisterhood Gathering. As you know, I’m a believer in the if it happened, it was meant to be theory….so in that regard, ok. Fine. It was quite a shakeup for me. I wrote about it. Not sure what keeps me from posting them these days. Fear. I’m fighting fears. Those are very scary words to utter to the magical yoniverse. God says….oh ya? Cool….lets see! Bottom line is…while it did not feel very good most of the weekend……it was indeed my destiny. While I have lived a life quietly wearing the weight of an inner knowing…..I met one who wears a similar weight. Extremely similar. This knowledge sent me into a trill of laughter I’m still reverberating from. I am not alone. 54 and just now finding that out. See…………….everything IS on purpose. While there, I pulled a card……………..as if it was written for my question. AND, I saw a bird. Looked like a yellow woodpecker. It’s spiritual meaning was…like that card… as if it was born for my question. Whoa. Ya. Yet still I hesitate. I came home and weighed my options, with my hands cupped out like I was really weighing……..should I listen to God or the humans….God or the humans? God laughed. The next day, the song Call me Irresponsible echoed all day long in my head and I kept apologizing to God asking what did I do? Ha. Nothing. It was just preface stuff for something I would learn that evening. Haha. The Hilarious God.
While I was there, I was learning what I don’t know. What I thought I knew about the world and how wrong perceptions are being prepared for us. Big things to little things. I spoke of the pineapple middle. That I didn’t know there was a hard uneaten part. They said oh no….eat it. Its got digestive enzymes in it! Hmmm…They don’t feed us that part. This got me to thinking. I recall learning fairly late in life that a discovery was made that there were more vitamins in the potato if you left the skin on. So….I’ve decided to start taking it a step further. All veggies….all parts. Like today I kicked myself for throwing away the onion skins. If they get wet, they won’t be like paper will they? And God created them for a reason. Well, whatdya know. They reduce blood pressure, prevent arterial plaque(prevent stroke), are higher than the onion itself in antioxidants and are high in fiber. Geeze. The other things….I guess were so irregular to my brain that they slid them off of me. No memory…except for a driving desire to see the world myself and do my innerwork like that. On the spot. A traveling western hippified crone shaman healer……come to give as she goes. Yes. I used the shaman word. I realeyes’d I could. If I’m not going to other dimensions to speak with the dead……………then where the heck am I going? That’s what always kept me from saying that regal word. But I do. I work with the light. Light is an energy. Ya………..put that in the bucket for the list. Seeing the world and its peoples. BTW, any of you reading this who have the scientific spirit…..play around during meditation or manifesting with the hard TH sound. It’s a clue I discovered but I’m not a meditator…ain’t got there yet. I know it’s a vibration….oh the possibilities. It’s the missing letter of the alphabet. Haha….I’m thinking of Winter Solstice 2006. It’s approaching. If God asks me to dance this time….it will be the tangosalsawaltz. First the business….the abrupt and formal tango…..then the playful whimsy of salsa… followed by the relaxing methodical heartwhirling waltz to pull the curtain down.