I’ve just realized I am ignoring my call. It screams at me…I follow it…then I see its truth and say no….that’s not for me. I’m not enough. I don’t have enough. Honest to goodness….just a moment ago…for the thousandth time, I saw a word and went to follow where it led. When I arrived at the well of that writers heart, it shivered me….as always. My soul has always sat up, turned around, saying to itself…what, what? Did someone say……? Always, when I get there, learn what they have come to share, I leave split still. One of me says we are….one of me says who ME? I war with myself. The difference though, is that now…..I hear my self…….I hear the words I say to my self. I catch them in the act. Stunning…..just stunning. I can now reroute when I see the ridiculousness of what my brain had been doing. It’s not all ridiculous though. After all, this body, brain and I all gotta go together. So…today was typical. I saw the word….followed it…felt my excitement and wish that I could be such….told myself I would never reach this goal so don’t bother reading any further. Heard myself tell myself that……rewind. Play. Rewind. Play. Oh heck no!!! Oh my. I realized it was a line that had been playing in my head my entire life. I always thought it was a wannabe thought. An I WISH thought. Today I realeyes’d that this thought has always been with me…….well, both actually. The original WORD…..and the Ego reaction to it. Anyway….having that realization then set me on a path of linking up with thoughts that fit in that category, so I could now apply this new knowledge. WOWZA. I am seriously a human who is being upgraded……sure wish they’d hurry up on the emotions though. Little me doesn’t even want to say the word. Oh…I say the word all the time….but not in conjunction with my Self. Like yesterday…..a surreal happening. After posting that I had been accused of being NewAge(we hate that term ye know)……and posting Jim Carrey’s video with it…..my friend then shared that Jim Carrey video and named some people who had helped her. One, was mine. WOW! Well, actually I knew this, she tells me often. Another name was Eckhart Tolle. Ha!!! My name….alongside Eckhart Tolle…!!! It was a feel good moment. I think, isn’t that the guy who had the spiritual rebirth, similar to mine? Anyway…cool beans.
It’s been a magnificent couple days….outside for close to 4 hours each day. I literally flow from ahhhhhh to aHHHHHHH! It’s been bugs. Put in front of me…spectacular bugs. As if they were ordered to do it. One but went round to the back of the leaf….finally I bent the leaf. I just kept twisting it till he was within camera shot and he didn’t budge. An inch from my hand and not a quiver. The gardener killed the sparkle waterdrop crystalline situation….would you believe he killed 2? Wow….was I blessed….to watch 2 in the most magical processes I’ve ever seen. Still wanna know the purpose……seriously Buller drop overkill. Buller drop is the rain drop that the mushroom uses to spread its spore. This is Buller drop on universal steroids. Well…it was. After the gardeners tools sent garden bodyparts all over these mushrooms with their perfect spheres………..they have now gone to the last phase of the mystery process, which is…covering the mushrooms in white fuzz. The hairy kind….not the tiny white mushroom kind. Gosh, I’m boring you. Hmmm…..there’s a snake in my cabin!!! He’s been here for hours now. Been gathering up courage all day to get close, move things, poke around…trying to get him to leave. Nope…well, I suppose he could be gone but I have no way to know that. I’m being brave. And dumb. An out was given me….a phone number to a guy who handles snakes. I didn’t wanna bother him…it was nearly dark by then. So…me and the snake. Alone. Well….with all the lizards and most likely the bathroom frog. Oh…and the ants. Last night, for some weird reason, the big ones were walking across the kitchen in a line. Every so many seconds, the front one would turn around and make sure everyone was still in the line. I saw a poor worm who popped up for air……and was pounced on by a million ants. Poor worm. Happens to butterflies too. Harsh place, this jungle. Can be. She’s being kind to me. I’m grateful. They are removing so much leafage here. So much shade from the mushroom areas. Today there was more cut…..he shouldn’t arrive till tomorrow! Spirit gave me blue mushies to cheer me up though. A bunch of them Ha. That’s when I was scared though. Guess I was upset, so not in full control….therefore I whacked the leaves and announced my arrival onto the forest floor before I jumped down….haven’t done that in months…so was showing my fear. Fear of snakes. So…..when I returned to my real safe zone…where I sleep…here is the snake. Spirit…..teaches strong. Signing off here in this lonely cabina in Quebradas, Costa Rica where bugs wear their eyes backwards, grasshoppers wear neon car paint colors, and I’m wearing a maxi tankdress with a red crochet tassle vest. Yeehaw!!! And flipflops. My first warm winter ever! I have however, exchanged cold….for bug bites. Lovelove.