I divorced my family….and they let me….seeking familia

As I squat down upon the earth, focusing my eyes with laser precision at the momentary target, be it a bug so tiny a grain of rice would squish it or a mushroom bending with the weight of the dewdrop it is trying to carry on its own……my thoughts go so often to the place of gratitude, of knowing that this moment is happening just for me. Me and me alone. God and I, are playing. We are so intune with each other that I hear the tiniest of etheric notes…or am pulled….oh ya, that’s more like it…I am pulled by an energy. Let me explain. There is a route I typically walk on my mushroom excursions each day. BUT……since God and I are playing, it doesn’t always happen in my order. No. I am led by that energy………another analogy is that God and I are connected by a thread. When He wants to show me something special….he pulls my thread in that direction. I don’t allow myself to doubt anymore. I just do. I follow that golden thread….and I’m certain it’s golden. That seems to be our color. He painted that tiny mushroom gold, then the tiny strip of dirt in a fairytalesque mushroom scene another time, and there was one more I’ve forgotten…..oh ya, the dead butterfly wing. Today….He wanted to show me bugs. Teeeetiny bugs.  Ooooooooh……ya!!! Squeal! And today, just for this right here….see, He’s so thorough…..was a gold painted bug!!! I’ll show ya!!!


I don’t even remember doing it, but apparently I brought a string of lapis lazuli with me. I found them the other day and wrapped them on my wrist. Saged them first of course. Very strong energies. Within an hour, I had basically divorced my family….publically.  On Facebook. Very soon after, the energy was so strong I switched it to my throat chakra as a choker. I’ve been juggling it between my throat and my receiving hand(wrist) a few days and now it has balanced and is wearable. Bet you’re wondering why I did that thing though, huh? Well, here’s the deal. I was born to change the world. I’m stepping up. One step at a time. I identified a thing that was causing me pain…..in the moment. Rather like when one touches fire or gets a cut……..you know it’s happening. When spiritual pain is happening, it’s more subtle…like the frog in the cold water slowly brought to boil. So…..I have evolved and I saw the stove fire on!!! Realized I was in the water and said, oh hell no!!! Iam getting out of the friggin water!!! I made the post and it went as well as the entire life with this family……..only 2 people responded. One, to say….why did you do this to ME? And another to say she was sorry the yearly sister trip was upsetting me….I could go if I wanted. How old am I folks? 54. So….I responded back that it didn’t appear I had been wanted but if they extremely wanted me….I’d consider it. Nope. Nada. If they never wanted me as a sister, then how could they suddenly extremely want me as a sister?  See…the logic is off. Oh well. It was a last ditch effort. Wow………………….when you die and get that montage of life events? I just had that….it was all about life with my family. It leaves me with the Harry Potter in the closet feeling…..waiting for magic to saturate my bones, and blood. Feeling the kundalini rise as it rises again and again within itself, like a fountain….pushing with force because it can do no other thing but to be…..a fountain. Yup, me…….the weed pushing up in the concrete in the city. Wait! It’s in the forest now. The weed and the dirt. I am placing us there. Wanted……….so no longer a weed. A flower now. a Rose, riding the snake. Haha….I do get dramatic! ( I wonder how many have a clue what in the heck I just said) In my defense…..today there was a snake. He had the tiniest head of any snake I’ve ever seen in my life and I was so amazed by that fact that I forgot to be afraid of her. She stopped with her head up….she did NOT have to, coulda slithered fast away. I thanked her for coming. Which calls for another haha…..cuz she came…from basically at my feet. Like I almost stepped on her. Been finding snake skins everywhere. Pieces. Yup. I too am transforming again and again. I am really enjoying this person typing. I have moments…….actual moments when I think…………oh shit. That’s it. I am enlightened now. Ya ya ya, I know it’s a series of those but I mean really realllly reallllllly enlightened. Like holy shit……which then goes to…..crap, I don’t wanna be here then. Or…..crap….I don’t like that outcome or crap….I won’t give that up………which then leads you back to the nice shady tree you’re sitting under. Make sure it’s a good tree. A favorite tree cuz you’re gonna be here awhile. And for those who did not get the underlying currents of my words just now………………..shady tree means back in the dark, no longer in the light, thus no longer enlightened. It is a circle that they say does end but I just got in so I dunno yet. Yes, I just said that. Said that I was in the same circle as those who were high in the energies of enlightenment. How cool is that? I owe most of that to….A. Aya and Amma.


 I remember 2 summers ago. Going to see Amma after just being told I was dying. I wanted her to see me soooo bad. I envisioned it. I saw her see me. I mean see me. There’s only one human on the planet who even comes close and even she doesn’t see my deep deep. No…no cigaro.  Amma did however. She did see me. I felt it. I felt it in the Amma hug that felt longer than most……..yes, I have a need to feel special……perhaps it stems from feeling like you’re shit. Felt it in the mantra she gave me and the promise to carry me through to enlightenment no matter how many lifetimes it takes. That’s what getting a mantra from Amma means. It’s a commitment. I feel her lifting me. She helps me go up the rungs of the ladder out of the dark hole. Like my childhood nightmare…….perhaps life was the nightmare ….the black hole….and what I sought……a hand, a rope, a way out……is happening now. Pulling me up…..towards the light. Example….today I was very sanely allowed to dip into a moment of sadness and then very quickly whisked right up and out with a smile………by me. I and I. (and ayahuasca too)

I see daily that I am not alone in one regard. I see that inside many or most or all of us…..is a thing that insists that we save the world. That we are being called.  I used to think I was nuts and grandiose. Now it’s as common as apples. So many apples and so many kinds of em too. I see that every week at the market. Then there are even fruits with the apple in their name only, not in their body…..but still…..they attach to the apple energy. Otherwise known as lightworkers or blue waves, etc, plenty of us coming out of the closets…So, if this many feel called….does it mean we come preprogrammed that way? We are each inside a body that does that? Or…does it mean that the plan calls for that many for this day and time? Like, did the majority of people feel this way during every civilization? Me thinks not. Me thinks it’s us….and its now and we each have a role to play in this cosmic game. Let us each be brave enough to BE. Signing off in Costa ya baby Rica……where it rains in the rainforest, where winter meets spring at Christmas which is cherished and adored, and snakes stop and say howdy do. Oh……to be an Ambassador here! Let me in!!! LoveLove.

PS…… “Without the depths….we wouldn’t know the oceans.”  


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