love is the weapon to kill the DEAD…

Suicide. Awareness. Hmmm, there’s a month dedicated to both! I really don’t know why. What is the point of suicide awareness? Really? Are there people that do NOT know that people commit suicide? Nah. We all know. In fact, it’s becoming apparent to me that we all feel it at least once. So ya….we are all aware. What we may not be aware of however, is the numbers. And no, I don’t got em…..anyone can google it if’n they need to. It probably won’t surprise you to hear that the people who produce our technologies…..they….kill themselves. Regularly. Slaves really, but with a different label. So many that they put in nets….to keep the jumpers alive and producing more more more. For us us us. All for the future. The size 29 gal who MAY buy this particular dress……so we HAVE to make it in case she does want it. Ok fine….i offended. Then instead, it’s a size 54 gal. All I’m sayin is let her order it. Let us all order it!!! Same with the food. The stores are filled………….for what the people MIGHT buy. This system is stupid and wasteful and so friggin broken…..which creates broken people, who feel no way out, other than to jump to their deaths…….to prevent the slavery of their soul. This is why…..I am not opposed to Mother Earth doing some rockin and rollin. A new start is needed. Uncluttered by what USED to work.

I’m not yakkin at ya from a typewriter of notes…I come to ya from a well of deep and hysterical sadness. Remember those 38 years I was suicidal? And the 16 years since that  I’ve only let the thought pass through my brain, but no longer allowing it to stay the night? Well………….I recently experienced a reminder. A sadness so profound, that I would have completed the task in a heartbeat………………if I could have. But I couldn’t. I owed someone…..my life. It was a debt I was absolutely not willing to re-nig on……………..no matter how deep the wound. I didn’t say a word. We all have our time and place to die. Some days the wait is too long, the skies in our mind too cloudy. Hmmm, that analogy sucked. The feelings going on in the body when one is contemplating ending the breath and heartbeat………..are so huge that only hurricanes, cyclones and  typhoons can be used in the analogy. The other weather events are not nearly extreme enough, harmful enough, deadly enough. Besides, we survive weather all the time. No, this is more like…………………being lost in the woods……and nobody knows you’re even missing…..the temps are dropping and hypothermia is about to set in. You say goodbye….you BEG goodbye. It is a conversation with God. Please God….take me home. I just want to be with you, please take me home. I cannot stay. Come for me. Ok….I’ll come to you. Because we are already dead. Herein lies the crux. The corner. What’s around that corner? Can’t see. It could be a…….waterfall, partner, wish, dream, far fetched dream, prize or a gift from your creator.
What is the largest classification of people who make this choice these days? Do you know? Do you know who feels so alone….so worthless………so useless……….that they choose that cliff……….DAILY???????? I don’t want to tell you. I want you to tell me. I want to know how bad the problem is. How many know. How many humans know which humans are so sad they want to leave. But….alas………………I rarely get responses so………………..here is the answer. The natives. Yes, the Native Americans….whose land the whitey’s stole………..are so downtrodden……have been so thoroughly disavowed, disallowed, dislocated, disassociated…..so thoroughly DISSED…………that they die. By their own hand. This sadness can only be droughted……if the people know. If YOU know. But it’s not just a people. Or a personality, or a mental illness. It’s here. It is so really really here that it’s scary. A few weeks ago, a FB friend posted that they were considering suicide. As I clicked inside the post, expecting to see the traditional I’m sorry’s, buck up, you’ll be ok, call me, I love you’s….etc……..I discovered the opposite. Instead……………….I found………………….yup, me too girl……..oh, I know……….life is too hard………….I’m thinkin on it too, etc. WHAT???? Instead of helping the girl……all the people were responding that they too….wanted to die. WOW. 54 years and never ever expected or wanted to witness that. What’s a wayshower to do about that? A lightworker holding light for eight to ten people, all wanting to die? I’m not that powerful. I need more light. I need help…..bringing light!!! Come on people….how do you bring light???? So many ways. Step up!!! A smile! A wink. An offer. A prayer. A needed help. A loan. A ride. A hope. A full belly in a life of hunger.  A way. A reason. A dollar or two. A hug. A gift. A fancy meal. A dress! Buying their chairs.(their art, passion). A listening ear. A way to step up and out of the sadness that has them in a visegrip of hellfire.

But people are so offended though, by the act, that they only see the act. They see the selfishness of it, the longevity of it, the finality. They see their loss. Not the offenders pain. Like everything, suicide is about perspective. His, theirs, yours, ours. But in the end…..all it really comes down to….is……lack of love. I can feel the defensive hairs raising on your necks……it doesn’t mean there is no love……….it means………………it is not received with a good connection. Like say electricity. If the plug is in the wall outlet, it all looks good, yes? But what if…..it was loose at the other end??? Say, at the end where you put your appliance, not the wall end. Ooooh, a lightbulb click! So if you’re a mother and you shower your sad gothic child with all the love you can conjur……………..and they still………leave the planet……..please know that it was a faulty plug….at their end…..not yours. And I’m not even sure that faulty is the correct word. Because life can happen with faulty wires…love can happen……birth can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in life….are the broken ones….the challenged ones…..the faulty ones. What if….the wire was fried……cuz of love for God. What if…..we inwardly remember, and we yearn for that connection and we cannot find it here on earth so we step off the cliff….looking for it on the way down. Always searching for the connection that seals the current. That hand to hold, those arms around you, those tears wiped away by a finger, that voice in the night that says…..it’s ok, you’re ok. Does God do stuff like that? 

With suicide…the need is not balanced, and outweighs all other desires. The fires of the mind…..burn hotter than the naysayers….or the love. The love is heated and turns to liquid under duress….evaporating. So what you have, is a burning withered dry empty seeking shell, ………..looking for its SELF…………..and when the torture of this search reveals an empty path…….they fly away……still looking. If you were strapped to a bonfire……………wouldn’t you do the I Dream of Jeannie head bop…..and poof yourself outta there? Ya….so give them a break. Please. Finally already.  Please. We need to shift from the old ways of thinking. We need to let these people know….me included………..that there is a place for them. There IS love for them. IS hope for them. IS a NEED for them. IS a need for their gift. Every single Native American alive today……………………………..know this. You are loved. No matter what you’ve done. EVER. I love you. I will always love you. This same love………….goes to you……you who are from Russia, or Syria, Iraq, America, or France. I don’t care where…….or what. You are loved. No matter what outside horror……….inside….you deserve love. (I was actually thinking of ISIS when I wrote that last line) Love is the weapon to kill the dead. Please….use it responsibly. Signing off in Costa Rica……….cured? Dunno….alive? Yup.

   
    
    
   

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