this journey………………..WHY??????????

Ye know, I’ve been on this adventure journey with my daughter for six months now! We’ve been through a lot she and I. (Note….this blog today is not about my son….otherwise it would say…….these kids are my heart.)But anyway…..she is my heart. Here, in Costa Rica….we have grown and learned so much! I remember my first day up the mountain in the taxi. Thinking the car would fall off the cliff. I’ve always had a fear of roads…that fear left me that day pretty much, along with so very many other fears. That’s one of the goals of this trip. To lose my fears. To be who I can be. I’ve been successful in changing so much of myself and my beautiful one has helped me. So many changes. So much spiritual growth. I like to think we help each other. Not entirely sure what she gets from me, except pure love and a champion…but she helps me get past my fears. Go through them. She’s so brave. Did you know she walks around barefoot?! Has for years!!! Imagine that! I’ve tried. It’s hard….very hard! The closest I’ve come is when we were in the jungle. She would take my hand and walk with me. Like two little fairies, playing in the sun. Or the shade, with the vine tendrils twining to love each other. We love the forest. The blue morpho and the hummingbird, the RIVER! Ahhh…..love the river! I’m referring to the one at Sound of Light, not the one here. I think they are different rivers. But ya…we had fun there. Getting undressed!!!  Getting dressed!!! My joy. No, wait……….I don’t want anyone to be my joy. That’s too much burden. I am most grateful to her though. For the ease and grace which she has shown me throughout her life. Recently she burned her hand. A serious burn…3rd degree in my opinion. Full blisters!!! She did not even cry. I think about that often. Man, I woulda cried. So stoic. I wonder if its one of those things like…big boys don’t cry? One of the beautiful people there is a Doctor and she threaded a piece of thread through the blisters so they wouldn’t reform and it healed and she endured.(ingenius idea!) So brave.

She loves my art. She came all the way from California to learn it. I wonder if she somehow Knew I was sick before she even came. She’s really intuitive, like me. When she came, we worked on the art til 4 and 5 in the morning…every night!!! She was oh Lordy, such a fast learner. Heck, half the time I was jealous. But I can say the same for her. She also loves my art. We each scoop up each others cast offs. In fact, she has so many of mine, including a few recent ones that she was like…don’t touch it! But baby, its not done…no…it’s perfect! So…I give them to her. She enjoys them and art is alive….there is a spirit inside….so it gets to continue living. Her art is different from mine. So beautiful. We have different minds…of course we do. There are no two alike. I have before me a work in progress……..of hers. Propped up, full view, as usual. I hope she finishes it soon. It’s just waiting…
   
    
    
 If she were here now, I’d give up movies. Yup. I would. Well…..unless it’d be ok to sometimes listen with earphones, but otherwise…..I’ll sing and sing with her. Get better at the rattle too somehow, ye know? Acquire some rhythm? Oh wait…hold on…..about that movie thing……what about……………………EPIC? I just watched it twice….something she would never do. Ha…well, there is one or two movies she might. If she were here, my being would be at rest. I would smile. If she were here, we’d say prayers and light candles. People are using the words Co-Dependent. Maybe about a few issues, but other than that…don’t you buy into it. For goodness sakes, I am a woman who was told she was dying and went on a healing journey with my daughter who also needed healed….and we were playing outside of the box….ie….heavy duty medicines from the jungle. Until a year ago when we found out I was dying, we were a typical mother daughter. She lived somewhere else and came occasionally to visit. We did talk often on the phone though cuz we really like each other, you know. Deep love…separated by miles. So now….we are a mother daughter who have come together to extend their lives and to do it together. We’ve had a grand time. However, life isn’t meant to be one great happy moment after the next. If it was…it would be so boring. Plus, we wouldn’t have a contrast. Without the horrible, we wouldn’t know the joy. There are a gazillion depths to each adjective. A few weeks ago, I knew intense joy…now I know the other, intensely……grief.. I stood and watched it happen. Felt the breeze as the change hit my world like the beep beep comic. Roadrunner. Ya. Like that. As always, I analyze each emotion as it comes, to try to better myself.

We could use some prayers right now. When I’m ready I’ll tell you about it as I always do…………and as that was my promise to you all. To share what I learn on this journey. And I will. But right now, there are reasons I won’t. Not a one of em is cuz I was asked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes folks………………………….she’s doing the shitload of exclamation points and shitload of period dots…….life must be giving her fits. YUP. Good guess. In the new earth…anger is not allowed. Haha…good luck with that.  It’s the opposite of fear….which is the opposite of love. Like I said….good luck with that. Will I be enlightened before I die? Hmmm. At this rate? Hmmm. Toss a coin. Not real hopeful. I’m changing fast, that’s for sure……but theres still so much old school in me. So much…..feeling. I guess they don’t want feeling in the new world. Like today…….I had an encounter. I was called………….co dependent again. Really? So I say…with a bit of emotion, ….We are not co dependent. Lady walks away. Ya. Its ok for you to say it to me…but its not ok for me to say why you’re wrong? Totally unfair…but hey…..no negative emotions allowed on the new earth. Yup…life and death issues are responded to these days with…oh don’t be co dependent about it…..you don’t need to know every detail!!!!! Sure thing.   LOVE LOVE!!!

   
    
    
   
This is my car as of today…back in Texas.  😭

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “this journey………………..WHY??????????

    • They’re finding more and more things that ayahuasca helps, every day. So far though I cannot really say it has helped with depression. However, it provided many other upgrades. ;)). Thanks! I’ve heard it can help with Parkinson’s too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s