One of my friends congratulated me on my new joy. You know, the one of being alive? Will this joy last? It seems that Buddha knew there is always an ebb and flow. I call it the rollercoaster ride…..and even the….going down the wrong river channel. It’s a part of life as sure as breathing. I believe it still falls under the category of….you don’t know something, until you know the length and breath(sp) of it. The subtle and the extreme. The good and the bad. And even then….some little child, for example, can come along and challenge everything you thought you knew….by turning it a different direction or simply doing something different with it…than was intended for it. Ya. Life. Unknowable…..but steerable. Every day I understand another drop of life. Oh, and get this……I asked my daughter how bad my singing voice was….saying that I needed to record it to find out….and she said I sounded beautiful. WHAT??? Haha. Wow. I did ask Grandmother ayahuasca…….and she always gives me what I ask for….so wow. So far she does anyway. She’s been very gentle. I am most grateful and in awe. I dedicated today’s ceremony to her and mother earth, by visualizing all the memories I could conger up. Mountains, oceans, forests, different animals…..saying thankyou for the animals too. I did this cuz I just couldn’t keep asking, without giving. I cried for the beauty of the earth. The water, the green, the blue, the brown, the red, the yellow and orange. The flowers of pink and purple, the skies of the same, different hues……the beauty of us. Orangutan, frog and ox. And the beautiful killer. Two legged triumph and waste, finds its beauty and purpose in the horror of the cringed faces. Ya. We are life unfolding and that is beautiful. Logic tells me depravity belongs as well…..it being a genuine emotion. Hmmmm. e motion. Energy in motion. Watch out, that though just zipped by!!! Night night. 1:24am = 7 = Holy.
Todays spoon wasn’t as meaningful. I once again doubted myself, but caught it by the tail and whipped it around. I am learning how to pull myself, like a vacuum….outta the dips when I begin a dive. Wasn’t really a dive, more like an old hat that wanted to be worn. I’ve been wearing depression for decades…..might take me a minute. And just so you know…..when I say the spoon wasn’t as meaningful, what I mean is…..well, it’s just a tablespoon. It really doesn’t give you the ayahuasca effects. I feel the slight fuzz in the head and ¸ even the purge factor but the actual ceremony, is up to me. Yes, I get everything ready beforehand…..fresh water in the glass to the tippy top, a candle at each direction, the altars, the flowers, the dufumador music to sage by, start the playlist, set the intentions, call in guides and begin. Well, see, this is the part where I get to fill in the blank. I am not taken on a journey….I take myself. And it was me who chose today to go down blame and unworthy alley…..but it was also me who pulled me back. So I suppose it was meaningful. I pulled myself back from a hole that I created and it grew bigger and deeper with each tear that fell into it. So…..I saw that. That’s useful. THEN…..I…….I and I………..(I love that)…… decided I didn’t like where I went, so I rewrote it. Like a new script….and up and out I came, the tears dried and all that was left was some icky frustrated residue…..which I then carried through the day. THEN……we took the bus to a sound healing!!!
Haha….we weren’t sure of the bus stop to get off at, and the bickering mustve been hilarious!!! Lol……..until it culminated with Summer crossing her arms and saying……well. I guess we’re not going then. And I really wanted to go. This is your fault. HAHAHAAAAAAaaaaa. It was so fun. I’m cracking up as I type. Two hens….pecking…….lol. So I call the lady and she says get off the bus and wait for a Morazan bus. We did. This is where we met Alexandro……the shoe maker. What a beautiful being. I think he was an Angel. He was telling us about the spirit in the trees and the animals and the sky. He had a custom grocery cart with huge wheels and a tabletop umbrella. He goes door to door, making shoes. Yay. So, then we got the other bus(it covers the first half of my hill…Quebradas bus covers top half)….and we arrived. WOW. Really cool! This lady has some pipes! She sings with the bowls and instruments and it amplifies her voice. It was truly special. A large array of instruments, half of which I’d never seen before! The vibrations felt awesome. Even saw a large mushroom as we approached that house! So, it was a fun eventful day in the rain. Rainy season doesn’t stop people here. It’s raining now too.
That I take whatever is at hand to create what I need. If I’m cold, I grab what’s near and wrap it over my head to warm me. I needed a rattle/shaker but didn’t make it into town, so….I made one for about a penny. I also instantly knew how…with a trip to town, I could make it better, for 2 cents!!! I love that colors turn me on like sex does to the masses. I love that I trust myself implicitly and I love that because I just typed that, I changed myself again by realizing that if I trust myself implicitly…..then the doubt I had just this morning…is no longer necessary!!!!!!! I love that I giggle. I love that I’m still alive! I love that I get to love sooooo big.
Ok. Tomorrow is Feria day and I’ll be anxiously getting some of that squash!!!! Days without it since discovery!!!! Heavens!!!!! Looks like I’ll be traveling to Panama this weekend with my friend. Ya I know, I coulda gone with my daughter. Oh well. Ceremony spoon tomorrow then 3 days off. It’s going well. Later chickies!!! Signing off at Quebradas CostaRica !!! Yeehaw!