If I’m about to say something unkind….there is a thing inside me that whispers, saying…don’t say that. It is then up to me whether or not I say it. Sometimes I do. It never fails though that when I do…..it tastes nasty coming out of my mouth. Also…..when about to speak of anything best left unsaid. Have you noticed that? Is there something, someone, guiding you? Do you know your life guides? I don’t. I’ve always tried to find out who they are, the best I ever got was to wake up to the insistent words in my head in 2001…….”You can call me Celeste, since you insist on a name”. That’s it. That’s the one and only communication with a spirit guide in words….that I know of. Until last night. I told you about the healing session I was about to do….that would take me through past lives. Ha. Well…..I will not be telling you much. It’s not something that should be told. But I can skirt around it to update you. I’ll do my very best to explain….without explaining. Ok. So, my friend has been doing this work for awhile and says she can tell when someone is faking or telling her what they think she wants to hear. She said mine was a true story. Both my daughter and I concurred. It was too familiar to be wrong. Very strange. Like when I did the hypnosis in May, I was required to answer questions. Have you guys ever done that? Its weird. You hear a voice give an answer, but you don’t think it’s real. The lady then pushes you to say it anyway. Whoa….then suddenly it does make sense. This continues. Just pulling words out of thin air that are dropping like rain. I laugh. Summer told me today that it was the times that I laughed that obviously made me uncomfortable and she knew those especially were true things. My shyness, lack of worth….would hear the words and giggle. In the end, 2 hours later……I was given a rope to hold onto. A way to climb out. Or if not climb, then at least a way to remain on the ledge and not fall. Until a more permanent release can be found for the tears……..I think I’ll be ok. Why?
I know you wanna know why. What did I learn, but I cannot. Not details. What I can say…..is…….some wacky things I suspected about myself, my soul that is……that troubled me greatly…..were proven true. Holy cows……..I’m not insane! THAT my friends….is what I got. I got the assured knowledge….to my depths….that I am just fine. Just overwhelmed in a life that didn’t go quite according to plan. Oh the joy I feel I cannot express. Very much like I felt after my Aya revelations…..but this one is deeper. Deeper to the core. To the core that I’ve carried 53 years. I know who I am. Who I was and who I will be. But that, was not the final assignment….discovering who I am. Oh no. More to do. Now…..I just gotta encourage this newness to express itself. I do indeed have a mission. OH….one of which I will tell you. To heal myself of the muscle disease pain. That’s one of my Purposes. Sure woke it back up bigtime last night during the session too. :=(( bummer. Could be why I find myself in a rainforest at the beginning of rainy season, eh? If that’s my purpose? Then I will have to feel the pain….in order to heal it. Rain brings it on….well, barometric pressure does, which changes with the arrival of rain. You see?????? Sometimes all a human needs is to be told WHY they are doing what they’re doing. In my case…why I came. I understand it now. I screwed it up. I erred. I get to fix it. Haha. I found my truth and my truth is……I like big challenges, and I like to cover all bases when doing those challenges……I forgot a few bases this lifetime. HAHAHAAAAAAA, looooolllllll. This is so funny to me. I used to blame God or my higher self….lol, that was the accurate one. But I felt like someone had made a mistake by sending me here. Yup…me!!! Lol. Noone but me. Just like what the Aya told me….it was ME that was the meanest to me. I feel like the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Literally. Remember I used to tell you I grew up believing I was supposed to save the world? Hahahahaa! I understand it now! I’m free. I’m free! Lol, but what will I do with the freedom? Will I remain? Will I decide once again that I’m not up to the task? Will I shut down? Will I RISE? Oh the friggin beautiful mystery of it all. Gosh….I’m sorry. I really wanted to do this medicine journey to help you guys, but this…..this past life knowledge, cannot be duplicated. Bummer. Not like I can tell you where to go get a dose. Oh! Well maybe…..maybe if you do the work too………maybe what you find out will prove something to your soul too. Hmmm. Don’t even know what this work is called.
Another way to put it is…….those things that were catalysts in the past, to help heal me…like Amma and ayahuasca, well……those things were outside of me. They didn’t last. Now granted, the aya could and most likely is still working within my body as I type, but I no longer feel it or see it much. No. I don’t think this will fade. This is within me. This IS me. Feels like getting the answers about me…confirmation about me…..understanding about me……..might be healing me. Like I said, it’s new…….we shall see.
Ok guys…..i learned something. It’s not good. What happens in the rainforest, does not Stay in the rainforest. Remember when I first got here I was so trippin out about living in the clouds? Ya, really cool, huh? Guess what? They’re not regular clouds. They are from the trees. The trees release the vapor. Remove the trees………….remove the vapor………………..drought the planet. Your choice. They are dozing the rainforests in South America left and right. Ecuador has just agreed to sell 1/3 of it’s rainforests to China. One third. Don’t let them convince you that the funky weather is only due to greenhouse gas. Bullshit. Removing the ozone. Uggh. They just be trying to screw us from both ends. The movie script is just getting juicy!!!
Hubby is out of country as well again….as of Saturday. Jesse is home alone with whats left of the animals. Mona Isa is sick so I had him take her to the vet. Uterus infection so the loud one is about to be spayed. Ha, we were waiting for her to ever go OUT of heat so we could! Blue and the baby pup Dolly, are being boarded. BLUEDOG!!! Mama Loves you!!! MaryAlice has been posting some photos of the goats so that makes me happy. Still no photos from the lady who has the bulk of the goats. She only posted a photo the day after she got em. This does not make me happy. I said I’d be ok with getting the money for them after she paid Tracy off, but I did expect photos at the very least. I don’t understand. Makes me wonder too much. Did she really keep them? Did they get sold for meat? Without a photo….since February when I took them to her….how would I know. ??????? Huh? Faith. Trust. Did that. Had that. Do you think it was easy for me to sell my babies? Yes, I should wash my hands of it all……but there was a promise made. And….I can’t. Pain. Are they alive? Are they ok? There’s also the money factor…..i haven’t been paid yet for the first chunk of my herd….29 goats. Something I was willing to do to keep the herd together. Needed the money badly too. Love. Does a body good. Love you guys!!! Signing off with a lighter heart from Quebradas Costa Rica….home of the hummingbird population…..the rest just go on vacations. So…………………………..can I get a YEEHAW??????