For the first ¾ of my life, I spent most moments in pain of one sort or another. If it wasn’t the muscle disease, then it was the depression. Neither one caused blood or swelling or visible wounds and I was ridiculed. I really connected with Job in the bible cuz God kept piling things on Job and Job had no choice but to take it. That was me. I don’t have the extremeness of the muscle disease anymore, thank you kindly, but ever since the Doc told me I was dying, my depression came back like a long lost friend who really wanted to reconnect. I’m dealing with that now. I am also, in the rainforest, thus RAIN, thus muscle disease pain…..so……..I’m thinking about Job a lot again these days. Wondering why God does that. Why pile so much on one measley human? Was I some tough warrior in another life that YOU thought me impervious to pain? The clouds are rolling in as I type. Another cosmic joke…….have me fall in love with a land that activates my pain. Today I felt the flowers calling me so I went on a nature escape. I just walk around looking with camera lens eyes. I love to take photos of a flower close up with others rather blurry in the background. Hehe….those photos are a brilliant giggle goal. Ya, they make me giggle cuz I did it.
You’re gonna laugh when you hear why I was just identifying with Job. Cuz when HE gave me art skills……HE only gave me part of them. Large objects, but HE decided to not give me the skill of the little things…..so I often find myself in an artist bind. Sure….the huge hummingbird is beautiful….now what? What to put around it? See…..I don’t have that brain cell. And no…..I didn’t smoke it away…pot doesn’t kill brain cells, contrary to GOV scare tactics. Yes, I do indeed have a grande hummingbird and no clue of how to finish it off. I tried a vine turned into a snake…….maybe. Or the vine flower possibly. Haha…..at one point the vine snake was 2 headed. Ya….I need paisley/squiggle/doodle background talents. This falls into my being a jack of all trades….master of ……well, maybe I shouldn’t say none anymore. I am 53 years old ye know. I feel sure I musta mastered some. Like listening to Spirit. I’m pretty good at that. I’m sure there’s other things I’m really good at but I’m drawing a blank.
After putting it out to the universe that I didn’t know which path to choose at this moment, medicinewise, I received word that I will be able to get the spoon a day. (in my book, that’s a sign) I will have to be very careful and just do my own shamanesque work. I’ll ask for it from Grandmother. Grandmother is the vine. The medicina. Right now I don’t really have that ability. I only know to call out and command to leave. I barely see auras. I’ll ask others to hold the container from afar for me as well. Ya, that’s spiritual speak for…….pray!!! A bit more to it but ya…pray. So yes….I’ll go ahead with it, I’ll take that sign. I may even go ahead and go to the ceremony as well(since my George said it resonated with her for me to do)….and yup, wrong…..it’s not next week, it’s the week after that. Don’t know if I can without my Little Feathers there with me. I shall either try, or not. Haha. And maybe there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with me. Maybe I’m a human who cries. Maybe I was designed as a sad human. Maybe I was designed to be jack of all trades……..i mean, maybe God made me a lil this, a lil that….never quite enough…….but a lil. If I can learn to enjoy the sadness, I’d be set, eh? I’m working on it. Depression guinea pig. Hey, at least they’re fuzzy and soft! My husband is not responding to any of my texts. I don’t know what to think. And here is the rain…….whooooooosh…..wow!
This soul….this awareness, that experiences pain……wonders the why’s and wherefores and continues to be troubled by them, when it is a moot point. This awareness, this Sheri Sunshine thing, is a light…….in the dark. No, not a candle, lighting the way, although at times, she does just that….but no…..I’m saying she is…it is……..in the dark. It cannot light its own light. So….we are right now installing an imagination only……brand spanking new……light switch. The kind with the bulb hanging high, and the chain that you pull and the light comes on. This light, when turned on by my will…….shall here and foreto forever after, create a spark of light connection within me that will remind me of my divinity and my worthiness. My light. Haha…..I just installed myself a new light. Let’s see if that helps. Seriously…..I certainly didn’t really have faith in that simple command the other day. Nope. I sure didn’t. I thought it was gonna require me going to have the exorcism done by Aguila. Really. I thought it was that severe and I had absolutely no faith and not sure I even had belief……..in entities. I’m still on the fence as far as ghosts go. I pretty much believe it if I have reason to, and until now had not experienced ghosts, unless you count Rory, who simply passed by on his way…..or hubby’s dad who asked me to give him more time before he went flying through the cosmos on his way to heaven yelling…..wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! (I did get him more time…..a few days, enough to see his family on Thanksgiving) Ya, that’s the only dead I see, is the ones I contact or who contact me at passing time. Only at passing time. So I’m no ghost whisperer cuz it’s only at passing time. See……a little bit of a lot. That’s me. Not quite enough to do anything with anything. That’s why I feel so lost. Useless…..knowing I’m not. Like a war. A war I fight within myself. She says as the good part of her spies a salamander up in the octagon window and begins a giggly conversation with it, saying oh hello my friend, aren’t you beautiful today? And of course, he turns to look at me. Oooooh, maybe that’s why I’m here! To be a witness for the animals….the creatures…..to witness the knowledge that they can understand and can conversate via energy. I’m trying a new thing. I am a dolphin, I KNOW THIS…….so, I’m now beginning to think like one. In pictures. I believe this is a key. Known it for years, just now implementing it, I suck that way. On the other hand….it wasn’t time. No sucking, Sunshine. Oh…speaking of Sunshine. I introduced myself 2 days in a row as Sheri. ICK. Icky yuk poo poo. Didn’t feel good. And if I call myself the Girl with Too Many Names…..that too is a name. It just makes no sense to me to go by Sunshine when the world knows me as MamaSheri. Good grief….perhaps I came here to be the balance scale. You know…..the scales where you put more on one side to make them even out….level…..balanced. Well, on that note…..signing off from Quebradas in this here cabina.