Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone….quote from a Hallmark movie, yet it and basically only it….remains of what used to be true tv. Once upon a time you used to be able to be in suspense during a new movie. Imagine that. Better yet….imagine living at the edge of your comfort zone. Holy Toledo! That’s something I’m becoming quite familiar with lately. Adventure is where courage and gumption meet. You can think about what you wanna do, all day long. You can picture it….design it in your mind all you want but until you actually step off…..step period!!! Ye gotta make a move. Ye know….I bet I can tell a person in less than one minute with them. I can tell if they are in the old world or the new. All I need is my eyes and possibly to hear something that is on the mind of the person. A few words with the person. That’s all it takes for me to tell if someone is awake or asleep. Sometimes the humans presentation is a dead giveaway. Their clothing choice. Usually though, it’s their words. What is consuming their thoughtwaves?
I still feel an awful lot of anger for one so far along the enlightenment path. Ya, I’m getting tired of that word. Haha…..lol, a prime example! I don’t do much with the anger, usually stuff it. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with my liver. But in fact, my liver is probably doing ok cuz I haven’t really had many symptoms lately. I woke the other night with a rapid heartbeat after only sleeping maybe half an hour. Nothing calmed the heartrate until I felt I was being directed to drink a shot of vitamin C. I guess it did calm it. Very strange event nonetheless. Zahrah sent me an image the other day to go along with what we were discussing. It had little descriptions of stages of being on a spiritual path. They were saying it was predictable. Like so many people had walked the path of being on a path, that the steps became predictable. As I went around the wheel of enlightenment, I would of course, like I told ya, feel a twinge of envy. I wanna be there. I wish I was that far along. Then I’d get to the next one and think…oh…I’ve been there, lol, then I’d realize I’d also done the previous one…..this pattern repeated all the way around the wheel. It ended with the person…..living life moment to moment. Jeeze. I thought…..That is NOT the endall! I’m doing that now. Or close. And I’m not enlightened. Well…certain things, yes. But no…I’m not ready to meet my maker without having done something awesome to help out! On the other hand….when I had that rapid heartbeat thump thump thump……I thought perhaps I was dying. If so…wow. No fear. I was calm as could be. Yay!!! Amazing that though. I’ve read plenty about the Egyptians views on what happens when we die. According to them, we are tested. It’s a feather test if I remember right. And the heart. I don’t feel that my heart is pure enough. Perhaps Aya will show me. I still haven’t decided my intentions yet. With aya, it’s all about the intentions you set with her for each ceremony. Do I want to know the origins of the depression? Or do I want her to heal the depression and not have to work for it? Do I want to just go on a tour of the realms? Do I want to leave it to her? Do I want to clear karma? Do I want to see who I’ve been in other lives….that makes people freakily say…”oh wow, you don’t know!!!” Or…do I wanna forgo all of that and focus on potential future moments and how they could be spent. In other words…a new path….what is it for sure??? Clearer. Much clearer. Spell it out for me cuz you’d never know it now but I used to be blonde! Following Spirit is not as easy as one thinks. Hearing that tiny whisper…man, you gotta be payin attention!
I was watching Tinkerbelle. The little girl was wishing she was different than how she was. I, liking the little girl, thought, no…you’re fine just the way you are! Ayahuasca in me said….you too….all the envy’s……each person is so vividly unique, and wishing you were something else or had a different job or different passion….all that does is cheapen who you actually are. It chisels another piece of your vessel…making you into a misshapen piece. Someone cared enough when creating me….to care what color I should like. Haha….they did good and not so good. I don’t have one. That’s the main thing about me. I’m splintered. My favorite color is turquoise, but then green and purple together form my also favorite color and then rainbow forms my also also favorite color. So Aya is teaching me today…yes, even from within the lead walls of my home, lol…….teaching me to appreciate who I am. The uniqueness of me. The on purposeness of the creation of me. If only I had my own tiny fairy living in my pocket…to remind me of who I am….when I apparently forget and fall into the sad groove and get stuck.
Well….tomorrow’s the day. THE day. The goats will be leaving. I’m actually ok with it. Even finding a way to be excited about it instead of in dread of it. I know it’ll be ok. I know they will be ok. I was so blessed to have found these people. They know the goats! Special! So special! I’m so very grateful. I feel like my life is about to change so big…so pretty! It would have to be to top these babies. What fun!!! Yay! I don’t know if she wants me to say her name, so I hesitate. Take good care of the goats sweet lady! Thankyou. Now….I hold my breath……until the deed is done…….and I move forward. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch….minus the goats. Well, tomorrow.