where is it…

I need to go back. NOW. I can’t….but I need to. The reservation must be made 2 weeks in advance to not cost a freakin fortune….ha, above the freakin fortune I now consider NORMAL. I still don’t know that I belong anywhere on this planet, but for sure…it’s not really this house. You know how I always say now….the ayahuasca in me says……..well, I can’t feel her. I feel like I’m inside one of those safe zones where nothing penetrates. Aya can’t penetrate these walls. These 100 year old walls, with the thousands…no, millions of tears that have been shed in this room alone. Aya can’t penetrate it and I am sinking. She’s supposed to be in me. And she has been…..everywhere but here. Ye know how I said Aya helped my singing voice since I was willing to sing songs to her out loud? Well….the voice is for sure changed. Not a ton, but a bit and I noticed it bigtime when I was screaming in the car. Any of you do that? Nobody can hear you. It’s a place to release and get energy out of you that is too heavy to bear…..you can scream as long and as loud as you’d like. I noticed a waver in my scream that is different. Hehe…..so silly.

I’ve looked at my plan in the light of day…or darkness of room, lol…….and changes are being made. First off….I need to do this in increments. Accordingly. Hubby was wanting me to try the market as a test. To see if I could sell anything. That won’t work. First off, the target customers for the market, would be gringos. Most of them have left for rainy season. Also, there aren’t any tourists there this time of year….cuz…drumroll….it’s rainy season. I was gonna extend my stay for one reason. Ophir. The guy who did acupuncture whose energy convinced me his methods could heal me….perhaps beyond the liver….to the muscle disease in the arms and legs. That would be awesome. To not have that pain…like wow. So ya…I was staying into rainy season because this guy had to leave for 2 months. I felt so strongly about him that I extended my stay for 4 months. 2 months to wait till he returned, and 2 months for acupuncture. Rent is paid in the little cabina. Then the tooth broke so I came back here for a minute. The bottom line is that when I go back now…it will not be to sell anything. It will be to do acupuncture and while doing that…I can create….for the market. Or markets. See, there’s the tourists, who buy Costa Rica animals. In every form you can think of, it’s available. Sloths, monkeys, blue morpho butterflies, toucan….etc. Then there’s the gringos who buy organic and American. And if I’m brave enough to attempt the festival in February, those people would be buying my actual art. The paintings. With a specific twist on some. Spiritual. I’ve made many a tiny aya painting…they were to be prayer flags. I can go larger now. Of course, now that I’ve done the aya, the paintings will change a bit. The tiny ones were simple.

There are so many logistics to work out if I were to do the festival sales. I don’t know if I can. Maybe I can. I’d need help though. I wouldn’t have any security…being down on vendor row in the next town down. I’d also be hauling my stuff, hardware and all….either on foot or in a cab, which can get expensive. I also don’t know where I’ll be staying at that time. That would be January February. Lots to think about. I’d need a place to store stuff. Could be done without that but easier with. I don’t recall seeing storage buildings there. :=)) Taxi to and fro….could get expensive but we’re only talking a few days I think. After that, I’d sell smaller tourist paintings….and the tiny market on Tuesday mornings. We’ll see what all is workable. I’d have to ship paintings. That’s a scary thought. I consider these paintings, my babies. So strange having them all in my room again. Even the ones that went to a gallery for awhile finally came home. Summers mama lion and cub…love that one and the first large hummingbird head…love that one, the tiger mom licking baby and snow leopard cub one too. Haven’t seen them in a long time. Actually, I still haven’t. They’re still sealed up in cardboard. I should open them. Then there’s Summers beautiful donkeys and my trees……so many. I guess they don’t wanna leave.

Right now…I want to make clothing. Skirts in particular. I just need to free myself somehow. More aya I guess. I’ve been to JoAnns and left with nothing. So hard for me to spend money. Yesterday I had an appt with the eye doctor and also with Apple, to repair the screen of one we bought for Jesse awhile back and replaced. I had screen fixed and can have it unlocked and use it in Costa Rica. BUT…..after losing my reservation and making me waste the day, it’s still not fixed and I gotta go back to Austin now. Reason for everything. Go back into the JoAnns! See if they have a bin of waste stuff. That’s easier for me to buy. When I had 2 hours to kill before the new Apple appt, I walked The Domain……looking at store windows and listening to my stomach growl. This is a ritzy place…prices too steep for me. I saw a white blouse. Went in, cuz I can. It was $168. Hmmm. Lol. Saw a skirt I wanted really badly. $88! I said I’d never been in the store before but there were some beautiful things. Worker says……..oh yes, you look like you are a regular shopper of our store with that outfit! I had to giggle. Nah….I got my clothes in the goodwill. Well, not literally, but sometimes. :=) Last one I was in stunk so I haven’t been back. See, told ya I have a new cool fashion sense!!! Now to free my soul to create….and learn to sew. Signing off……

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