Ok. I have GOT to learn how to make EACH moment ok. Not just the ones to come. The ones of the future which there is none of. They are all Now’s! My mood has fallen. Many reasons why, and no it’s not my choice in food. It’s life. So….I’m sitting here in this lovely airport and I get more n more irritated so I catch it and say to myself….it’s ok. But you’ve got to calm this when you get home. NO! I need to learn to calm it now. I feel this is urgent. The energy in this airport is awful which means it’s the people, the people’s thoughts. Had an issue at home too that blindsided me and hurt like hell too. Why did I come back? Oh ya. Tooth. Dunno, I lived many years without teeth…maybe it wasn’t a sign to leave. Or maybe it was. I was doubting my interpretation of the signs when a friend sent me a photo of a blue morph butterfly. So sacred to me. I saw it moments after my first aya ceremony. It was a gift from Great Spirit along with the blue heron flying literally right above my head. Haha, she was just sailing down the river at high speeds banking left and right and whoa…human!!! Ahhh, but this human is glowing!!!! This human is with Grandmother!!!! Ha! Lol but that then brings me back to the question ….was it a goodbye sign or a stay sign? I’m here. It’s too expensive to go back So…must mean go. Thank you sweet Laura. Lol, was just reminded of doing ayahuasca. I do my aya like I used to do my tequila….take it like a man and show no reaction. Hahaaaaa!!!! Some of the men showed their reaction!!!! Grandmother is still with me…even as I leave the rain forest.
I realized yesterday that inbetween the sadness….since aya….I wanna have fun. I see most things as fun. I told you I giggle like crazy, alone….or in front of others. I care not. My joy at the irony of, the excitement of, the confusion of, the artist appreciation of, the society of….life. If I catch myself feeling grim, I smile. Works! Oh ya!!!! I also realized a few more aspects of my depressive states. It’s when I’m alone!!!! I used to be a hermit. A loner. Maybe it doesn’t fit me anymore. I need people now. Can’t remember the other. Also, the envy factor I noticed I’m carrying. I’m working hard. When I catch myself, I then think…,oh yay!!!! They did good! And sometimes I take it further to….oh yay, they did good and they is me. Lol. Saw a post on FB. If you’re always racing to the next moment…what happens to this one? Brains a lil scattered. So much news coming from Texas. Go forth my dear Crone and discover your next moments. And their purpose? That….would be your PURPOSE. Perhaps your purpose is in the moments, not a one size fits all purpose. Right now, my job is to be sandwiched between people in this ever shrinking airline seat space. Learning to maintain my, well, my me-ness. Just breathe. Put on more shield payers. Put different shield layers. Illness barrier shield is ON…bigtime. Feeling squished. Tiny bit claustrophobic so I get window seat. Lady canceling Summers ticket didn’t give me the 2nd window. Oh!!!! Before I forget! Carol…..if you’re reading this…I’ve got someone interested in buying the property. Need your email. ;=)))))). If it sells, realtors usually take 3%……I’ll take some of that! Not letting myself get excited yet. Too hard on the self. I’ve discovered that I’m a bit different than most folks, lol, Ya think? I have stronger emotion I believe. Deeper, stronger, more. If I think of my Blue…and then me going back, no. Too hard.
MY BED……..has all my fiber on it! What a joy to return to. Still haven’t uncovered everything…still looking for my Natlalie curls. Stuff she has sent me….that is most likely now what she is using for her Sunday events. Good for her…..sad for me….lol. She used to consider them useless, therefore she sent them to me! More power to her….I wish her new adventure all the success in the world. I also lost my ability to drive 30 min thru the country and go to Lisa Shell’s house(Kai Mohair) and go through her dyed curl bins. She is moving. She asked if she could borrow the trailer…and we woulda, but in the end she bought one. Easier I suppose, don’t have to drive it back to Texas. But there went my ready access to color. Dyed color that is. The gallery has been closed…packed up and sitting. A fun little run in my life that was part good and part sad….definitely a mellow adventure though. A sad ending. Maybe one day people will want to buy soft and beautiful wall art. I’m glad to have had the experience though. It was nice to at least hear that they liked what I created. One day soon though…people will buy. And…..I would love to acknowledge the people who did buy my chairs. I hesitate to name names, but you all know who you are. I am so forever grateful. Your faith in me was very cathartic. Very meaningful for me. Love….it felt like love…and I thank you.
The aya in me is telling me about the foods I eat. She didn’t like the juices….fake. But…we got used to them already. Amazing how fast that happens. Same with the yogurt…well, not that it was fake…but it made my body feel funny. Today…no problem. It’s like I get a tiny whispered glimpse into whats not good….and its then up to me to eat it again…or do it again…whatever the case may be. The cookie was AWESOME!!!……HOWEVER, I now know to cut the amount in half. The tv was boring and I kept wishing for better internet so I could watch Netflix….lollll….while the whole time in Costa Rica….I wanted the tv. Man….I already feel like a PRE—aya person. Babylon. Not good for the soul. This feels boring. Costa Rica….take me away!!! Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. 3:02p = 5 = change. Ps….Hello Singapore!!! Pss….who wants to buy the rest of the goats? Or some. Psss……Lordie! This is my most scattered blog ever! Not my true writing style. Please, if you’re reading…..randomly select another and see that I’m actually a good writer! Lol