Funny. When I quit drinking 11 or so months ago, I was so worried about sleeping. Sleep was a childhood issue for me that kept me in a late night daze my whole life. Sleep….it’s pretty key. It’s probably the answers we seek……while our suits are recharging their batteries, our beings go on about their business. Just a guess. Anyway….I so carefully switched from beer to chamomile tea. Loyally drank that tea and slept. Arrived in Costa Rica and suddenly didn’t need the tea. 3 months now, no tea…just cannabis. Till last night. Last night…upon excitement and fear of the choice to return to Texas now….I tossed and turned. My first real time. Amazing. God is indeed good. A year…my God! July 7th it will be! 5 more weeks. Two days ago my mind had me in such a stranglehold that I thought I’d return to Texas and start the beer and cigarettes again….speed things up. Then the tooth broke and it seems to have shifted things. Had a text conversation with hubby that has me scratching my head and even a few scraps of hope. I wish God would give me a manual on that man. OR….maybe he just likes the house to himself….well, cept Jesse who rarely comes downstairs. I have to be honest. I seem to be buying into the energy that says something is gonna happen. Something big and something soon. Since I can’t decide where I’d wanna be for such a thing….I’ve decided to just leave it in Gods hands…since that is His suggestion for me right now after all……flow with the flow……follow the signs…..the breadcrumbs. The reason I’m thinking on it tonight is the weather there. Rain. Tons and tons of rain in Texas. All those earthquakes. I’m silly. Not connected yet…..maybe they are…..it’s one ball…..one planet perhaps….who is scratching maybe AND sneezing! And belching to boot. One busy mother nature, yes? Wonder how that Japanese radiation is doing? Where has it reached? The whole globe? Just a lil scared of I don’t know what. Haha…it’s still raining in Texas….and flooding. Uggh!!! (Update about loss of sleep…spoke with landlord and she didn’t either nor did her friend…same night. Interesting.)
Well, finally got the taxi straightened out. My taxi guy doesn’t have 4×4 so I had to do the google translate thing and go back and forth with that. In the end….I’ll use their taxi guy. Helluva hill…dangerous is an understatement…..didn’t wanna take a chance. I didn’t wake up crying in fear today so maybe that’s a good sign. Lol…have since the tooth broke and I knew I was going back. And I’m talking 4am, 5am, 6am….wakeup….oh shit…tears….pull the covers up. K……back in a bit. WOWZA. He got to the part where he opens the gate and drives down the tiny dirt road hanging off the edge of the mountain and decided he shouldn’t go. I would have to walk. Carrying a suitcase and 2 bags. I got angry and then began to cry said…no, get in. So, he drove me in…we had to back up several times to try to get up the mud hill…but eventually we made it without slipping off the edge of the world. He no speaky English so he walked to the place with me and someone helped translate…..no, he would not come all the way back…only to the gate…..SO……I asked him to wait. We had one hour together. I kept getting emotional. I will miss my Little Feathers. Got a fresh new round of skeeter bites while I was there….wouldn’t wanna come home without any would I? Hell yes. On the way home…..as we reached the lil city, I saw a motorcycle laying in the road. One with the big case on back…a delivery guy. I saw another, that guy was standing and talking…where is the other guy? Oh heck….he’s directly across from us. A few feet away…laying there moaning. A car 2 feet from him. I prayed then wondered….how long will he lay there before an ambulance comes? This country is not as quick moving. Scared me. Never seen an accident before. Poor broken guy. Ha….turns out my landlord is reading my blog! So she knew I was leaving. Here I was trying to be sneaky so she wouldn’t try to talk me out of it or something, lol. Nah….she was sweet. Made me a smoothie!
Was explaining something to Summer about my thoughts. She said…..you don’t want thoughts…or something along those lines…which they say is the goal……I however had to tell her that I was not in that space…nope…..the ayahuasca has me in an enthralled space. I am stunningly fascinated with the way my mind now works, so I do NOT wanna shut it down. Too much fun sorting through it these days. It’s like finding pearls and diamonds and crystals…..in a mud swine bog. OH MY GOD………………..I’ve just realized another aya change!!! I was thinking about the topic of putting down goats…as in ending their life…..i’ve done it and I don’t like the methods available to me. Point is….while I was thinkin on it….my mind was rather matter of fact like……me, I’m usually very emotional and lovey…..but my mind went to a very sharp knife and learning from a hunter, how to slit the throat the right way. Holy bejeezers batman!!! So ya…..I’d say the times….they are a changin. So….why is God sending me out in this Texas storm? If I don’t go…I basically lose the ticket…all but 97 dollars…big whoop. That’s how much it cost to change a flight. TOO MUCH. Ok….I just made a rainbow in my hands and threw it to Texas. Catch! 3 months later….I will be entering my home with the very same lung inhaler I left with that usually needs to be replaced every 15 days. I will miss breathing. Ok ok…..i will miss breathing well….until I return to the clean clean fresh healing Costa Rican air. But lemme tell ya. I am getting so excited tonight at the prospect of real food that it’s starting to tingle. My daughter had cut me off of meat and dairy. I refused to cut the sugar too. Now….although I intend to eat GMO free whenever possible…and eat organic veggies…..I will eat…..whatever I want. If it causes digestion issues, I’ll take note. This is life. My life. I want to live it while I’m still alive. So many things can kill me…the air, they pollute the air….the milk, so juiced up with antibiotics its oozing gross……the radiation from Fukashima, the earthquakes and volcanos, which incidentally I have no way of knowing if one is going off here….there be loud noises!!! It’s canyons and they reverberate man. We’re already dead the minute we’re and born….there’s just time in between. Here’s to the food in the INBETWEEN. Seriously…..once in a great while……bacon cheeseburger….come to MAMA! That’s if I can stand the guilt…….and the memory of Aya, and God saying….now what am I supposed to do with this dead chicken? LOLLLLLL Yes, I had eaten chicken before a ceremony while at the beach. So sue me. Haha. I actually think it might have been a joke….God, joking with me. Ya….we close. On the other hand….trust is the order of the day right now. I gotta leave outta here at 7:30am for a 3-4 hr drive to San Jose…long stop in Orlando and into the deluge going on in Texas. So far downed trees are the only harm….which then rendered one luckily empty pen…now useless. No shade. Pretty shaky now with nerves. How much pot does one woman need for one night? Haha…we shall see if I saved myself enough. Ok….time to watch a movie to distract myself, ya right. Not taking any bags, just a backpack…the tourist kind. Solo traveler…….here I go!!! Holy cow! Signing off……………from Costa Rica….Quebradas, Las Tombas Valley, Mt Chirripo andSan Isidro……for now. LOVE LOVE Costa RICA!!!!!!!!! Back in a few! Texas…..babies…..Mama’s comin home!