My self dilemna…

On this day that I wake up, my body and mind somehow knows, even in the fog of sleep, that today is Thursday, market day. What once was get your food day and see friends…(for me)….is now, see friends and may as well grab food too day. See, for me it doesn’t matter now. I can take a bus any day to any grocery store. The “friends” aspect is getting thinner and thinner each week as people leave for rainy season. Last Thursday, I met my daughter at market and she came to stay the night. We then found out we needed to go to Panama so that night turned into a week. She was supposed to leave today at market until she realeyes’d that Sunday is Mothers Day! She couldn’t just leave me alone on Mothers Day!!! My sweet Little Feathers!!! 

The new me….post ayahuasca, says things instead of swallowing them. Can you say…sharp n tacky? Yikes!!!! Something troubled me about a recent visitor I had and my normal response would be to swallow it and keep quiet. I don’t want to swallow this. I certainly don’t want to hurt any feelings but dangit…I wanna say this. I guess I’m from the Polite Generation. There are things about this new “enlightened way” that bother me and I guess here goes. One thing about the new conscious way, is decisions. An enlightened person can say…the universe or Spirit says I should go left instead of right today, therefore what I promised you I’d do, I can no longer do. Reliability goes out the window. So does plans, calculations for quantity for say food as an example. Another thing is….let me get my needs met. In my day you were grateful to have been offered a place to lay your head…not…..a list of what you can and cannot tolerate in someones home!!!(like….no music please and no wifi please) I love ya homeybunches but that’s what hotels are for(really sorry, I would typically keep this to myself but jeeze, sorry) There’s also the…This topic is not worthy of my attention….thing. I’ve encountered it with myself as I told you….not deep enough or spiritually high enough energy type words. I’ve even been stopped mid conversation, had the topic told back to me and asked…do you realize you’re speaking to me about this? Are you sure this is a good topic for me? Is it necessary?   Gee, I dunno…guess we’ll never find out. I guess since these things bother me, I’m not enlightened yet. Guess what…enlightenment is not a destination. It’s a lifestyle. In the end I believe what we’re really wanting is that moment of ascension. How many lightbulb moments does it take to get there? Dunno. Ask Jesus. 
Someone kicked my baby toe as we passed each other today and I’ve got an owie. :((( it’s all swollen and purple. Haha!!! Then to have to carry all the market bags full of heavy veggies as we struggled to get to the bus on time and before the rain hit. 9 minutes to get from the ferria all the way to the Pizza Hut! Well, technically Subway, but anyways…not easy with a purple swollen owie. I tried to shake it out lol but it didn’t work this time. Did give a man a hmmmm moment though! Think about it…better yet…try it. Shake your toe. See what I mean? But we made it in time and before the rain. Then, we get here… its raining…..and the door is locked!!!! I didn’t lock it and the key was inside. Landlord did it. Good thing she was home eh? I keep forgetting to tell you I finally saw a rainbow here!!!! Here in Costa Rica I mean! It took 2 months!!!  To make up for the lack I’ve wrapped my own braids, got tired of waiting to find someone….and I now bring a rainbow with me everywhere!!!! Haha, it’s also a new sellable skill! 


I’m dealing with something. Way easier post ayahuasca to deal though. Yay! Here it is. I was shown in a hypnosis journey…..that I’m struggling with…..that I am a healer. Knew that part. A specific healer. Not the kind I was born with, and shut down, which was Touch. Literally, I touch you, say…you are healed and wala. That’s what I have been asking for…to have it back. I said I was sorry, now please give it back. Well, it was revealed that I have it back Differently!!!!! Now my dang insecurities and ego are telling me all these reasons why it’s no good. Why it won’t work. I guess I need to find someone I’m not connected to…who needs healed. Then I can do the healing and verify that it’s there and working properly. See if maybe I need to do another hypnosis journey to get specifics on this healing modality or have I figured it out right already…or perhaps it’s for me to decide how it works???? How does this stuff work? Lol???  Plus, I gotta somehow allow myself to be that grand. 


Met an old friend at the cafe today. Lol!!!’ Yup, Agula, one of the founders of Awakening Soul…..of course I did! It’s only one of oh….ten cafes??? Later, I saw Nicole from Sound of Light there and swooped in for a hug. The kids were watching the tv and I was finally able to witness the sucking in power of distraction, sometimes named…tv. I even got a photo. It was also a display of pure focus. You could have put that child’s body in any position and she still would have kept her eyes on the tv scene. Ie, the prize. Also…the cafe owners are now chatting with us and were curious about the Panama trip. Oh! It turns out the word Organica doesn’t mean it’s organic!!! Haha!!!! Nope, turns out it’s not so easy to ask. You gotta ask how the stuff is fed, whether it be plants or cows. 




One more thing. The United States. Lotsa buzz here. Scary. Those military games. All the jokes about Texas being scared….ya, well…I’m scared. I’m not there but my kid is! My hubby is! And the earthquakes and volcanos!!!! Everywhere!!!!! Old man on the bus told us the  2nd coming was coming. I love him. I love all
these people! I want to meet them all and see them smile. I love this country. Never felt this way before about a place. Ok.  Signing off from my lil cabina in Quebradas Costa Rica. Ps…as I’m walking to the convenience store the other day, there’s this dude way way up in a tree yelling…take a picture!!  So I did!   Pss…treating myself to some of that ganja kief I got that first day, haha, so funny. If you’re a smoker you’d be gigglin. I ask for $40 in pot and get $40 in the pot Crystal dust from the buds. Lol 2 tee tiny potent squares(packed into a square shape)usually sprinkled on top like sugar! 

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