i love this…

Realizing that writing this blog is not good for me and really never has been. Every day I would write what I thought and even knew, were good words, written well….and only about 20-30 would read. Each day it was a reminder to me that I have been an invisible entity not being recognized. Then I did the art and the same thing happened. Now I’m different. Ayahuasca different and I don’t think I should write my life. Am I losing energy by doing so? And because I’m ayahuasca different, I’m writing these words which prompted a realization. I do it because I feel that I owe the world. As someone who was born with a gut telling them they were supposed to save the world, writing the blog was my best attempt at trying to fulfill what I thought was my destiny. I tried to impart the wisdoms I’ve earned along my strenuously bumpy path. My path is now perfectly flowing with gentleness and ease. This is how I now talk to myself. See, I didn’t like that I had to say that my path was bumpy. I needed to fix it. Fix it so I didn’t doom myself to a bumpy path. Words are POWER. They are ENERGY. What does energy do……it moves. It seeks like kinds. So…insert the word Energy instead of power and you say….words move. Words seek like kinds. Oooooh that’s scary!!!! Haha! Cool experiment! See, I am a teacher. I AM a lot of things and I AM careful about when I use the words I AM. I catch myself saying it and wham…quick as the flash of a blue morphs wings(butterfly), I have to fix it. Cancel clear….then rephrase. 

I am…haha…in Dominical, Costa Rica, in a hostel sitting on the bottom bunk bed behind mosquito netting. The top bunk is empty but I’m paying for it so I can have a private room. I came here to decide what to do and the minute I got here I got the message to not stress. Just let life happen and my answers would come. Been trying to do that. I had planned to go to Panama to snorkel but life happened and thank God cuz I can see now that I would have been terrified. I’m alone here. Tonight I went to a shamanistic guided journey. Group meditation. First off….once upon a time I would NEVER have been able to go alone to something like that and 2, I would never have gone to a meditation thing either. You see….I am a’changin. Maybe it’s the surf pounding in my ears as I sit here under the netting….nah, that’s just a part. Most of it I owe to ayahuasca and if I say that then I also owe every single one on every plane of existence who helped me to be able to take the ayahuasca. Including the legion of angels and the human Angels prayin me through and my guides and and and. That reminds me. I’m on the lookout for more pouch pendants. Lol, no money at the moment but still, I’d like to start lookin. So while you’re out n about in life, if you happen to see a pendant…hangable object…has an O-ring..with….Jaguar, elephant, hummingbird, hmmmm, gotta think of the other 2. One was probably lizard. It came to me during vision quest that I needed them on my pouch. (Best if a crystal stone of some kind is within somehow, like mother of pearl or opal,  either inlaid or carved from or hanging with.)
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There is something so magical about where I am. To be alone in a small beach town…go for a walk along the beach vendors and see a familiar face. This is actually typical. Everywhere I go….I see myself, lol…that was a We are All One pun!!! But Ya….seriously not kidding. Walked out of my hostel yesterday and there, by the ocean, right outside my hostel…was the healer…..doing qigong!!!! In fact…..we knew about him but knew he was leaving the country soon and thought we’d missed our chance but when I met up with Summer at the market….after leaving Awakening Soul, we saw Bastion and Nila from ayahuasca days and they were headed to Dominical…..where I was headed….to see Ophir the healer!!! Spirit always has perfect timing. 
Now that I’ve been away for sooooo long from food that tastes good…..I can taste things. Like right now, I ducked into a restaurant for lunch when a few sprinkles hit and the sandwich came with fries. Me tastes sugar in the fries!!! Not supposed to eat fries unless cooked in coconut oil, but when eating out Ya take what’s available. That’s the best part… The worst part aside from the skeeters is the death on the roads. Pancaked frogs and crabs litter the dirt roads like crumpled paper. Ha!!! The locals are saying hey to me now!!! God I love this place!!! Walking now as I type to a  date of sorts. Ya. I’m married. Not that kind. Just a hang out, talk about ayahuasca and the pura vida lol!!!! Lol and of course… He’s friends with Ophir the healer!!! 
This whole thing….Costa Rica… has been a huge exercise in trust!  Being alone in a country…a town….hanging out and becoming a local…the winding mountain roads without gripping the floor and door, walking down a mountain….absolutely is trust and courage. It always comes down to the ayahuasca now…I did that….with many protectors…..I can do anything! Well….big words. Ha. So, I had fun and we walked the beach a bit then hung out with his friends who were camping and created a beautiful home. Taking advantage of the tree structure and recycling palm branches and rocks. Friggin adorable. I think however, that for me it was a friend date and for him it felt like it was a ….I’ll take friend for now but I’m hoping for more….kind of thing. Very nice guy but I’m married and even if I weren’t…I am celibate. But….I trusted and I did Another thing I wouldn’t normally have done. What box???? Lol. Ok. Well the Mosquitos are vicious tonight and I’m scratching every second in every direction as I say goodnight and signing off at Cool Vibes Hostel in Dominical, Costa Rica. Haha….I AM!!!
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