Forgive me. I let fear get the better of me and I panicked. So sorry Charlie! …..and sue and john and ed and lol, etc. It’s not your responsibility to heal me. If you wanna contribute, you may but you are certainly not forced to. If I’d wanted to…I could have made this a subscription blog from day 1. Or day 597. How appropriate and possibly even because of…yesterdays blog was! All about my fears…and I let them carry me away. I will go to Costa Rica because this is the treatment course …one of them….that I’ve chosen and I will get there if God wants me there. Period. I don’t need to beg or to make y’all feel bad. Truly, I’m sorry. Please chalk it down to a very bad day…which I’ve had a lot of lately. I’m very stressed, very tired and in dis….ease. It was extremely ironic and an eye opener extraordinaire last night when the one and only person to donate………………..after my rant……………..was the one person who hurt me so badly a few years ago. Some of you remember. I was stunned. This is who donated? This person alone….is who donated yesterday? Yes. Twenty five dollars…. And here is my response. Hey lady…….you know who you are…….THANK YOU. I am very very grateful. Thank you. Whatever your reasons….you have helped me when I needed help and I truly am grateful.

Someone suggested that maybe people aren’t comfortable with the alternative treatment idea. Well…ok….but please know that my doctor already said I was too far gone for the western treatment. Believe you me….I’ve had some really weird things in my body since this all began. Old wives tales, new agey stuff….you name it….I’ve looked into it. I take a lot of vit C, but should Costa Rica not be effective….I still have alternatives, like IV vitC in very high dose. This method takes over 6 months… IV, which is hard to arrange. Anyway…..This is and has been well thought out. A good friend, Susan and her husband recommended the VitC IV and I didn’t ignore it……I just haven’t reached that treatment yet in my drawer of goodies.

Another thing. I hate to bring this up but its in my world, my mind. Many have suggested that I was confused about the fiber issue. That someone creates something and others do the same or similar. Yes. I am so very aware of this. I learned the hard way last year at the Kid n Ewe festival. I was ignorant and didn’t realize that there are places for each product. This particular festival….is not the kind where people buy finished goods. Nope….these folks buy fiber and get ideas. So… showing all my pretty paintings…………..well……what it did was to show a shit ton of people what and how. Once upon a time…..there were only a couple people doing what I do. NOW…..there are a gazillion. Recently, I created something new. I was terrified to put it out there….afraid people would take the idea and run away with it. When I hadn’t had the opportunity to run with it yet. So….it was my plan to just keep it to myself and show it in the gallery, where it’s not fiber folks….just people. I only showed it to 2 people and asked it be kept private. I saw something similar the other day. So very careful I was….yet it still went into the ethers ….the collective unconscious……..and people caught it. I’m saving my money for the trip…so I haven’t bought more canvas. Had I bought more canvas….I would have been able to at least throw the beginnings together for a bunch….then I could hurry and complete and wala….come out with it. But…life didn’t work that way. My point is… Not the same. Yes, we do get ideas from each other all the time and there certainly is the ethers to consider……but no. What I was referring to was specific. Specific people….specific items……no getting around that. Anyway. Now. For the moment….I’m done with that discussion but I thought I’d share that ditty.

As for the goats…….I have great news and I have iffy news. Thor….the little guy who just refused to die……is very much alive. Very alert, very alive. He was however….down so long, that he lost the use of his legs. Atrophy. He walks on his front knees and drags his body. His front legs are bent at the knee and will not straighten. Today…..he walked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Back legs! The front legs are still stiff and unmoving…very painful when I do rehab and try to bend them….but he was on his front knees and standing on his back hooves. Amazing…plum amazing. Now Moonbaby is weak again. Jeeze it’s a rollercoaster. Gave him redcell and electrolytes tonight when I got home. Oh….and on a strange note…it turns out Monk doesn’t paint at all! Not at all! He takes photos…then manipulates in Photoshop. Which is an art! Which makes him an artist! So why the pretense? Why act like and tell people you paint when you don’t? I just don’t understand. I have never understood people who lie. Sure I’ve said a few in my day, but wow… It’s an art. Lying is an art. It’s just not my art. Yuk. Ok….I just spit this out real quick for ya. I don’t usually do a Saturday blog anymore, but I wanted to say sorry and I wanted to say thankyou to last nights contributor! So…….that’s it. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. FOr those who want it….My paypal is….

2 thoughts on “panic….

  1. So glad to hear that Thor is getting better, and I hope that Moonbaby will also get better!!
    I agree with what you said about art — I do a lot of traditional paintings but also do a ton of photoshop and other computer paintings. I think they are both equally art. And using Photoshop and other painting programs isn’t easy to master- it’s something to be proud of.

    I’ve seen other fiber artists who make fiber paintings, but they look much different than yours. That’s the one good thing about it — even if people were to try to copy you, no one can do exactly what you and Summer do. You both have such an amazing gift!!

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