Jaded. Call me jaded. We are becoming a society of corporations. Its us and them. When I did my blog last week about the unscrupulous business practices of Large Entity (C)…I checked her group page cuz I heard it was so harsh it was snowing……She said…..I’m being attacked. Hmmm. All I did was tell a story. A tiny lil story under 1500 words long. My story. My experience. No attacking went on. I simply relayed my experience. She called it attack and gained sympathy. Hmmm. Sympathy for the Devil…isn’t that a song? It comes to mind. In that same breath, she said she was NOT gonna do the Rose Pearl fiber cuz of the attack. Well…I hear she is gonna sell it after all. What did I accomplish? Not sure. Also….I was shown a photo of a new ad of hers. It is for……………blending fibers. Once a month, new fibers, new box. Sound familiar????? Actually, I received a photo in my very own email box. Now she has taken the idea of Natalie Redding, Namaste Farms. This is not illegal….what it IS…..is 1. Not playing nice in the sandbox, 2. Calculating, 3. Greedy, 4. Unoriginal, 5. Unimaginative, and 6. Cruel and harmful to the little guys trying to make a living. Because it’s not illegal…..The only thing that can be done….is WORD of mouth. That’s our only tool. Guess what? It’s a big tool. We all have mouths. Whatdya know!!! Until ISIS cuts our heads off that is. But even then….we would still have our hands to type with.
Isn’t that what society we are in now? Nothing is real? Bam bam you’re dead, kaboom. And they stand up and walk away. Television. If not television, then we are showing ourselves off in our need for love. We crave love so badly every minute of every day. In every way. We just may not realize that. Facebook is a prime example. We strut. When would we have strut for goodness sakes. Back. Back before FB. I’m starting to wonder. Ok….Well, I can’t seem to stay awake tonight. Newest body thing…..I believe it’s connected to the cbd receptors from the hemp oil I took. It’s a clenching of my innards. Happens just before I’m about to go to bed. My body will just seize up….and it’s not too too painful but not fun either. I think it’s connected because:………………….when I took the cbd pills, my body would do this. It’s the same thing, even the same time of night it’s just stronger……way stronger……AND…..I haven’t taken any of the cbd pills in weeks. I think that’s whats wrong. If so….It is a sucky side effect and quite frankly, I guess I was even a bit worried about it before I ever took any pills. Ok…night night. 1:27am = 1 = Beginnings!
I’m having a hard time. I’m on the edge of the precipice. Been lifted out, but am perched on the edge. I told you about the new chrysalis, butterfly cocoon……that with this new me….it’s more of a shift than usual. I have a new energy. It’s a very intense energy. It either is….or is bordering on anger. Today Summer called to work out the final details for buying the plane tickets, She took such offense at my energy that I had to hang up on her. Told her I loved her, but I was hanging up. This is me right now….I suggest you embrace this me just like you would any other me. I am so overwhelmed, that ya….my energy isn’t pleasant. My voice is louder, more forceful. I used the word male the other day for a reason. I’ve never felt male energy in me before, but I feel it now. Very recognizable…..I’ve known a few. I don’t feel able to speak from my heart and truly unveil myself. I don’t feel I have the right and I also know the dangers of speaking the utmost truth. It hurts people. I don’t wanna hurt anyone. I just swallow. I’m such a good swallower. Speaking of swallowing…..It is a rare thing these days when people know I’m in physical pain…by my words at least, groans may speak for me though, against my wishes. Mental pain…oh ya, they know. The tears are endless. They went away for a few days….but are so easy to turn that faucet on. So many things are on my mind, my plate, my heart. There are so many things vying for my attention inside of my mind. While driving to town the other day, Jesse pipes up with……There is NO DOUBT….you are ADHD. Whatever. All I know is….there is too much on my plate and it has spilled. Spaghetti noodles are pouring over the sides, hanging, hanging. Night night. 2:23am = 7 = HOLY.
I had a breakthrough last night. It may not be a pleasant breakthrough….but it is one nonetheless. I have figured out where my latest severe depression has sprung from. Which well. The daughter well. I’m in no way laying any blame, simply attempting to make sense of the nonsensical. As all family matters, it’s very complicated. Too many words for this blog. Bottom line of it is….I had expectations. Just or unjust….too hard to tell, but I had them. It will be in the book. I’m still going to Costa Rica. I’m hoping to not only remove the need for unnecessary fears, but also to find or REFIND….the desire to live. Ya….I hate to say it, but I need one of those. Anyone got one for sale????? Ok….remember….vote your life choices with your pocketbook in this day and age. If you don’t like bad business practices like seeing someone who waits and watches, like a stalker….then when she sees a hit…a success….she duplicates it as best she can then renames it and wala…..her instant success….on the backs of little guys who had the originality to think of it in the first place….like Blue Barn Fiber and like Namaste Farms….and like…………… Ok…signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. PS….I’m a bit short on money for the trip. Not a lot….just a bit. Any contributions can be made to my paypal…. Thanks HEAPS!!!! firstname.lastname@example.org