The 100th monkey….has reached acceleration point. Think of Star Trek……it’s gone warp speed and full mass. I am a 100th monkey, here with this blog…..I was about to say at least that is my intention, but in reality…….it just is. Because I have confidence/energy that it is. How many times have I said….I learn for you guys. Well….truth be truth, I learn for me……and for you. I learn for the we of us. I learned big for us today. I have new energies to add to our little circle, or maybe spiral is a better choice of words. A circle is fairly closed, eh? Whereas a spiral is ever expanding. I learned a different perspective on an oldish idea. Thoughts. My endless negative thoughts crossed the threshold and created themselves. I kept looking outside myself, thinking and saying aloud….it’s like someone pulled a switch. Well, I was right, and the switch puller was me. The negative thoughts about myself, about my art, and about money. All….bombarded daily, by the minute and even by the second, with thoughts of negativeitis. I’m no good, I’m a shitty mother, I can’t even do that, I’m so stupid…..i wish I could buy that, I want that but can’t afford it, I need money, I wish I had money, I wish I could afford……..I’m no good, Everyone else is better, why can’t I get it perfect, his is better, God, why do I even try. If this is how I talk to myself…..that put me in a downward spiral or hole….then doesn’t it stand to reason that maybe at least a portion of that amount of energy and emotion go into the shifting, switching back of said mind? The rising from the ashes. The phoenix….wings alight. How many phoenix’s does a human get? I’ve already had one.
There is much on my mind now. Possibilities are spinning and my brain is in good high function mode. I think what happened, is I simply went too far. I had one too many bad thoughts about my art, about me, my future….that it cut a groove in the record of me. A groove, where the needle got stuck in replay. I’m trying to rewire myself. Reprogram. Rewrite the script. I don’t like this one. Nope I sure don’t. Perfect timing….on FB, I saw a photo that fits into my childhood. When I was 11 and under I’d say, I used to think I was something other than my body and that I was wearing a suit. I kept searching for my zipper and decided it was at the top of the back of my head. The photo is of a winged being crawling out of a human suit and it even, to me, looks like it was removed from the top of the head. Just find that interesting. So….as I was saying……if an onslaught of negative/mean thoughts put me in the hole…..i would need an onslaught of good/positive thoughts to pull me up and out. Or…..as I was learning tonight….maybe not, maybe just enough to get me into the vortex. That was tonights word…but the recent word was field. Things are coming together. See…ye can’t just know something….ye gotta incorporate it. Understand it. Give it energy, life. I don’t wanna tell you my source for tonights epiphanies….might give you pause. No pauses needed. I’ll just try to do a good job of being the 100th monkey. But I will say…thank you Summer for the nudge that is putting me back in the middle of the river of life…..to flow. I’ve been stuck on the side, hanging onto a treelimb for dear life. Then the other night, I climbed the tree….and now….I’m gonna dive off…..into the river and ride the current of joy and awe and love. Haha…I sound like a hippydippy. Well, night night folks……12:32am = 8 = infinity!
I’ve tried very hard today to bombard myself with good thoughts. I’m only able to do it when I remember, of course. If I could remember 24/7…..I’d do it 24/7, so that’s my struggle now…remembering to do it. Retraining the brain. Ye know….through all of my spiritual journey searching….there has always been one answer that eluded me. In last nights learnings….they said why we are here. According to this particular teaching,……we are here…….to CREATE. I still need to comprehend that one. Need more teaching on the idea of creating. What? Creating what? I knew last night but have forgotten, so ya, I need to do more work.
I’m having such a hard time taking my pills now. I use an alarm, but the depression knocked me off my track….and….because of that…….the food is back to sitting in me. Like this morning. I woke up….with food sitting, and the thought of hot tea was angst ridden….but I drank it anyway. Water for breakfast? Yuk……gosh, water is soooo hard for me. Oh….didn’t tell you I believe I now know what woke up the HepC. BTW…..when HepC is sleeping……it is sleeping. No need to wake it. But……I do believe that that CIPRO antibiotic given to me when I had double pneumonia…….that felt like it was killing me, not the pneumonia, the Cipro……..so I had to quit taking it after only a few days. I now understand that it is very harmful to the liver……so now I wanna know….why did Doc insist on it, when I tried to object??? That was what, 2-3 yrs ago. This last time, at the hospital, they all looked at me like I was nuts when I told them NOT to give me Cipro. My body knows. My body is so much smarter than me.
My daughter is in that storm of the decade. I haven’t received my daily…..mornin Feathers message. I’ve sent her quite a few but nothing. She said she was warm last night, that’s all I have to go on. But this is the first time she didn’t say good morning. I cannot worry. Worry is thought….bad thought. I must steer my mind away from those type thoughts. Hmmm….I might’ve ruined the domino pendants…with the sealer. I may have overdone. Not sure yet. Ugggh. Already told that the resin is not easy, so I was just gonna do sealer. Hmmm. Dunno. Still listening to Utube…learning…..changing. Love you guys. See ya. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch….a bit soggy though. PS…..tonight is Thursday…snuck up on me. It’s Namaste Farms Blogtalk. Sounds interesting tonight…the future of WOOL. Yay!8pm central