the ArtBroken artist…….

Oh God….what’s wrong with me? It seems no matter what joyful thing happens…it lasts for a moment then drifts away. I can pull the memory back when I want to….but they don’t linger like the smoke I used to breathe with. Tiny whisps or billowing clouds….smoke stays for the after party and the gruesome….morning after…..and after and after. Good thoughts and memories of good things used to accompany me like that. With me, covering me…..ever present. Now…..things hover out of sight. Now….things wait for a memory to be triggered. Minutes ago, I completed…well, for the most part…..my new project. Huge……and beautiful. Yes, I can say that. But watch my next words. ……..I laid it aside with a smile but before it fully touched it’s new space(on the bed, on the mound of fiber and work foams)…..before it fully touched it’s new space….I was frowning again. Tonight I received those felted curls from Natalie…..Namaste Farms….and they were not bad like she said. She later told me she was concerned that I would be unhappy. Not a chance. I loved them. It was over 2 pounds of colored curls of all sorts of wools. A luscious and yummy buffet of color and softness. I opened the box….and exclaimed with joy! I looked at it and dumped it out of the bags. Yay…so happy. Then, I drove down to the little store and I cried…heaved….wailed….both ways. I do NOT know why I can’t shake this. It’s quite depressing in fact. (slight giggle).

Headed to the gallery in the morning. It’s First Friday Artwalk I guess. No idea who the featured artist is. Sure as heck isn’t me. You gotta be there in the guild for a year. Jeeze. I’ll take mmy new piece, even though it’s not fully finished. It could be if I deemed it so. But I wanna add a thing or two. Reluctant to tell yet what it is……think I may do one more before I do. The gallery is like sugar and lemons. My art gets seen. Sugar. My art gets walked away from. Lemon. This is most likely my last few weeks there, whats the point….but I sure will miss people seeing it. That means it will go back to being stacked in my room or stacked inside bins, which are then stacked. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to just sell them really cheap. I know I tried on FB…..and still nobody bought….so I just can’t. I guess I’d rather keep them. I know it sure hurt my feelings when I donated a painting to the firehouse auction and it got $40. No. I won’t do it. I’ll keep it in a stack. You know how long that thing took me? How much of me is invested in it? How much energy I focus….to create…..how much money I pay for fibers? It can’t all be mohair. Well, I suppose it can, but it won’t be the same. Ha…..but right now, this minute….I have extra fibers!!! Yay! Thank you Natalie! And Yay…..thank you secret friend!!! You both have really helped me to smile on smileless days. I really appreciate you both. Ooooh, I gotta go to sleep now….3:07am = 1 = Beginnings.

Well, here I am in the land of…it’s so pretty!!! I’ve never seen anything like it!!!! I’m not so sure I like this land. I’d rather be in the land of…..it’s so pretty……Its so unique, I just have to have one!!! Hell ya! I literally have things on the floor now. So many arts, crammed into one small space. It’s been awhile since I’ve mentioned Monk. I’ve come to the for sure realization, as I figured…..that he meant no harm. He truly is a very sweet man, who just happened to say all the wrong things. Hehe. He’s doing better now since I told him that one day that he was hurting my feelings. Today he saw my newest creation and suggested I get in touch with Versace. LOL. One lady today, was interested in one of the small low detail paintings I did to sell at a low price. I said fifty dollars. Oh…no, she couldn’t. If she could afford it, she needed to pay $125 she said. Heheeee. That helps my artbroken selfesteem.

Detour to the goats…..I noticed a baby with a cough. A week later, another baby with a cough. Then, when we had the money to buy the Ivomec….a 3rd baby with a cough. I had just wormed the whole herd….so it must be something else. Liver flukes or lungworm I guess. My understanding is same medicine, but………here’s the rub. I didn’t give it in time. I had the medicine here nearly 2 weeks and was waiting….dummy…..was waiting for the ideal time when I had both helpers and could do another medicine day. Well…..big mistake. I caused my baby so much pain. I just didn’t give the meds in time for the 3rd one coughing. So, when I saw she was in trouble….I got Jesse to help and we gave shots to all 3….just as dark was setting. Still alive next day but collapsing occasionally. So…..I gave her regular wormer and special treatment and treats to give her energy. I am speaking of my precious bottle baby. This morning upon check….she was in death position….a horrible one. In fact, so horrible I thought maybe it was a symptom….so I texted Jesse and asked him to take a photo for me. He said she was crying. When I saw her, I thought she was minutes from death…..and my presence was making it longer, so I left. You see….thats the difference between an old fart and a newbie. The newbie thought….oh, what a horrible position and he lifted the goat up. She was just stuck! Yes, she is still sick….but not on deaths door! Gave instructions and she had drench and was able to get up. Then she ate. Yay…..and now I’ll tell you her name. Flutterbug! My baby! Yes, I already lost my Erbie. Also…Thor is having issues. Had Jesse worm him the other day for me and today I saw he looks sick again so he wormed him again….just in case it’s a large load. If he’s still bad tomorrow….I’ll try a different wormer. I don’t hang out at the boy area….don’t know his symptoms, except ones I see….like, is he coughing? But my baby girl is alive and I’m sooooooo sooooooo happy!

Excitement is building now as the store owners get ready for First Friday Art Walk. There’s a featured artist in my building, so yay!!!! Even better! Guess I’ll let ya go so I can fuss some more over placements. Night!!! Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. PS…ok…..the gutwrenching truth…..I just wanna run out the door. Night y’all.

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