I hear the bitterness. I hear the anger. The natives of this land are not shy about their feelings and they so hate the white man. I’m 53. I grew up on Indian stories and I was always on the side of the Indian. Later, I was an avid reader of romance novels and most of those were geared around the native theme. Not just romance though, I read many stories and books about the Indians lives. Actually, the romance novels…gotta give em credit! These people do their research! I learned more from the romance ones than any other kind. I digress. I feel connected to the Indians. I used to worship them….ya, that’s a good term for it. I idolized them. I had myself on a low low pasture and I had the natives on a high high mountain. I was nothing but a rug for them to step on, so they wouldn’t hurt their feet. I had nothing but disgust and disdain and putrid feelings for the whites who carried out such heinous acts against the natives. In every instance, they were betrayed. I felt like the betrayer, since my skin is white. I have carried the guilt of what was done to the Indians my whole life. It’s just such an awful thing to have happen to a people. A whole people. Families. Mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, sisters brothers….people wronged. People wronged so badly that there just really is no coming back from it. I can see that now. This makes me so sad. I had such high hopes….for the Rainbow Family. The rainbow tribe. The coming together of all shades of skin color, to fight together for the planet, the animals, the plants, trees, and even the bees. The rainbow warrior. Hmmm. Well, it might be prophesized but it sure as hell ain’t a happenin. Every day, I see on FB that that day is a long day away. There is still so much anger. It seems to me, that the way I feel about the gov…..is the way the Indians feel about us all. Not just the gov….but us all. We whites. I feel laughed at and jaded. I’m feeling disillusioned about it. Ha. Silly little girl thought it would just take a bit of time and kindness….nope. There’s a line there. It’s been drawn in the sand. I want to blow it away. Wipe it clean like the sand art….destroyed upon completion. This is one of my wishes. Rainbow people…..ONE.
And another one…..The native American Reservations……You know, the lands they were forced onto and “given”. ….ya, those. Well….those…..are in dire shape. Their states…..are deprived of so much….due to the White man….ie the GOV…….and their tricky dick papers. The way things are worded…..make it impossible for good living to take place. Too much contradiction….and with laws…contradiction makes for confusion so there is no compromise….no completion. Nothing gets done. Nothing can get done. Ha…they stuck the Hopi…..inside of the big huge piece of land they gave the Navajo/Din’e. Imagine that. Surrounded…..but they got along and are still alive. Barely. All that casino money…..it doesn’t go to the people like you/we all think it does. They live in a 3rd world country….right here in the USA. Every year I ask for people to send them donations of hats, blankets, scarves, money…..musical instruments would be great this year too. Food, things to make heat, wood for warmth, walls, roofs….you know. Living supplies. Oh, btw, they didn’t kill each other off like the forefathers figured…..no….they just kill themselves instead. To avoid the misery. How proud must we Americans be? But see…..there I go, taking ownership of the betrayal and massacre of an entire people. Entire peoples of peoples.
I spent the entire day from wakeup till 6pm working on the failed felt scarf. Personally, I don’t know why they would want it. It was requested…has used up so much precious Petunia fleece and I bet when they get it they say…yuk….i’m not paying for that. It’s way too wide, and way too thick…and just not gonna hang right on the body. Just depressing. I’m not liking this…special order stuff. Not good at it. I was afraid it would mess up again, so I needle felted it. That’s why it took all day. Also….I told Cathy that due to weather, we are done shearing for winter. We will do butts of those wearing poo….still having poo issues, but that’s it. Just to remove the burn and the wetness so they can stay warm. So….I took photos of what is about to be lost. Wanted to show you the loss I’m about to take. So….in todays photos…..notice the ones wearing fleeces. All those fleeces…….are a loss now. Very sad. Last year, the pups got into Etta’s bag and tore it to shreds….and this year, it’s still on her. What a waste of goodness. I just never could catch up. I guess having a Doctor tell you you’re dying….puts a lil damper on things…..and this is the result. All of this makes me very sad. But hey…..it’s not all bad. I got that awesome ScrapBox sent by a friend…..got those curls on the way…..still have the gallery for this month and ye never know….I just might sell something. Think I’ll hang up my keys after December though if nothing sells. Another waste of money…..when money is needed. Very sad. Damn. Wanted to show you I got joy too….but I just stepped right on out of that scenario. I believe the best word to describe me right now is……OVERWHELMED. I told Cathy it was like having a gazillion braids on….and people pulling them from all directions. Frankly, I just wanna vomit. Sorry. Better go. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.