a little Diversion…

Something got away from me. It was YOU! I got home tonight, looked through my word document files and saw nothing new. That meant I didn’t write any last night. Instead of starting one right then….my brain diverted. I thought of feeding the goats, but Jesse already had. Then I smooooooth forgot. First time I believe!!! Yup…I forgot to blog. That’s how many things are on my mind. The monkish or Buddhish way of being would say no mind is good. No mind. No mind. Hmmm. I remember asking my last boyfriend before I got married this time…..if he was able to get a blank page in his mind. He said yes. Hmmm. Recently I’ve seen descriptions of ADHD…that fit me to a T. Freaky. I wonder if that’s my thing, instead of the BPD I once thought. BPD kinda is a lil bit of all the disorders, but none real strong……well, depression was strong in me. Probably cuz I can’t get no blank page for goodness sakes! I can sorta divert now, which can be as good as a blank page, I suppose. I can take myself, when I remember, to another place. Or, I can say a chant. Or a mantra. Same thing basically. A prayer, said over and over….diverts the mind. Of course….you are then PRAYING….instead of THINKING…but prayer is better than thought. Prayer is thought. Thought is prayer. Intentional thought is wise prayer. So I guess I’m doing better and learning more on this journey. Sometimes you work so hard toward it and you just don’t get to see the results…and sometimes you can realize…wow…. I no longer think that way so I’ve changed!!! Okie dokie….it’s 12:21am = 6 = Earth. Earth. Festival. Yes. In a few hours. Night night.

Well, ok. It’s Sunday. Did the festival thingy. It was very strange being the only booth there that wasn’t allowed to sell, being that it was a non profit, but that’s how they get in. It’s the American Sheep and Goat Association. It went rather well. Turns out they did bring some clothing items after all, and so did I. We hung my paintings and had my easel just outside the tent. I stood by it, but am not great at speaking, unless I see interest. Jane did a wonderful job preparing for the show and from what I hear, went all out to get the lamb recipe. I ate lamb. Yes I did. Never in a million years did I think I would ever do that….its a baby…..but I did. It was a delicious meatball. I even ate 2. The people were each given wine glasses when they entered. They had to wait in line till allowed in at noon…big huge line. Got their glasses….did wine tastings then wandered. Many came for meatballs again and again. I honestly gave out close to or more than 500 business cards and told a few that I could do backdoor donations….but no sales. A good amount of people took cards saying they would be calling me for pet portraits. I hope they meant it. Jane did indeed buy the painting she saw last year and wanted…so there was that sale and I knew it in advance so I knew that if nothing happened…I’d at least have that money. Then….she bought one of my large scarfs/shawl. So, that made it even better. All in all, it was fun and we educated some people about goats and sheep. Yup, sheep taste good when they are babies, and fur can be used for wall hangings. Oh ya…the soap, scarves, coats, etc. As the day progressed…you can imagine…so did the tipsiness. Hehe. Old people. So cute. Fun. Then we went to dinner afterward which was also interesting, being that it served. Schnitzel and pumpernickel bread…which I loved. Didn’t try the schnitzel though.

I also spent a good bit of time with a guy looking to buy goats. On the phone and via messaging. Very double meaning stuff that. On one hand, I need less goats…on the other hand, these are my babies, family. None of the goats are being sold at full price. I haven’t received that kind of potential sale. I’m doing what I gotta do. Tonight at feeding, I looked around and told each one that was leaving, that they would be leaving. You’re going…you’re going….etc, over and over. Not so much a money maker as it is…less head to feed. I need less head to feed. Less head for Cathy to feed cuz People……..I do INTEND to go on my trip. I do INTEND to be healed. I have no idea. I am trusting. Faith. Some of the money will come from Summer, some from friends, some from hubby, some from selling paintings, some from the fundraiser. We can do this. I’m saying we cuz hell, I’m talking to you. Have been for 2 and a half years. You either want to keep reading me…or you don’t. People either want to buy my art…or they don’t. All I can do is my part, which is eat as healthy as I can, stay off the beer and cigarettes, keep taking all the herbal remedies….and pray. Oh…the CBD oil seems to be doing something….I no longer feel like my food is sitting in me all dang day. Jesse too cuz he plans to go to work as well. I don’t know what more can be done. We are doing everything humanly possible to heal me…..but it does take a village.

Summer made me a bunch of soups before she left and froze them. Hubby just made turkey soup today too. Tons to freeze. I’m doing my best to eat well while Summer is gone. Speaking of Summer, she has finally arrived. A whole week…to go a 2 day drive. Jeeze. A radiator cap. Then, she also had issues with the theft system, which is freaky on that car. Very finicky that theft system is. BUT, she made it. Yay!!! A special thankyou to Barb who took her in and went above and beyond. Bless you my dear. Alright. I’m outta words. Ya right. Hehe…Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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