distractions….

Oh GOD…this has been a day. Hard, I’ll call this one Hard. Before leaving to go for groceries, I told hubby I was going to check on Erbie and I’d be back in a minute. I walked into the pasture, not spotting him right off. Actually, before bed, I had the notion that he was gone but I decided to go to sleep instead of going to check. So, I enter the pasture. I don’t see him right off so I walk into the herd….half are up and grazing, other half resting on the rocks. A thorough scan and………… I don’t see him. He’s gone. Of course he’s gone. He’s not here. So I pretended for a moment….and I walked around talking to the girls and taking photos. Ok. I trudge across the pasture, my eyes dreading what they might see. I’m suspecting to the left but the vision on my right stuns me. The dreaded heap…..is down by the pond….down by the water, with the dragonflies. He is oh so gone. No breaths. No body lifting in any way shape or form. Ants in his eyes and nose. My baby. Why didn’t I turn him into a bottle baby? I could have. I thought about it so many times, but his mommy loved him and took very good care of him. It was just….he was so small. He just didn’t grow. Then the broken leg incident that I didn’t know about. Then the tapeworm incident, then I went away for 3 weeks and when I returned, I treated him as if he had cocci. It worked. Maybe I didn’t do it enough times. I don’t think I did. I’ve never had it before, or if I did, I didn’t know. He seemed to be gaining his health. Finally. He was even a little boy and got to do little baby bucky things. He walked with a John Wayne swagger due to the broken leg and never ever complained about anything. All other baby boys have been removed except for Erbie. He was so small and so weak that nobody hurt him. In fact, lately I watched them go to hit him…realize who it was and stop themselves mid headbash. I think they knew.

So. There he is. I cried and cried and I oozed snot. I wailed and wailed. The goats came closer to observe but from a distance. It seems worse this time. Much worse. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I just wanted to touch him. No idea how long this endured before hubby finally came. He never comes. I musta been gone awhile. Can’t even tell ya cuz I just was zoned out all day. I went to the house and cut a blanket for him, then went and picked him up. Fireants were everywhere and I carried him outta the L pasture. Hubby was there at the gate waiting with the tractor, bucket up to receive my package. I knew what he was doing. He knew, cuz I said it over and over….I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do…so he placed the tractor bucket up into a tree. To give me time. We had to go to town for groceries…or so I thought. Turns out, he has the week off and I just figured it out about an hour ago, oh, 10pm sat night. Thanks for telling me. So we went to town and did the obligatory things then back to grieving. Although I didn’t really stop the whole time, but just didn’t always have tears running down. I cut as many curls as I could before I realized how cold his body was then I stopped and wrapped him back up. Once again, I picked up my ant strewn bundle and walked. I hope he is still where I placed him…come morning. In the meantime….Murphy Jose, the 30 something yr old mule who was given to us 10 years ago…dumped on us would be more like it…he was found out in the big pasture dead. I figure he went so they could cross the rainbow bridge together. Erbie was so special, he needed an escort. Then….Summer and the car. In New Mexico….the car breaks down. Jeezzzzzzze. I woke the other morning with the song jeopardy in my head when I was prayin for Summer’s trip and for our healing trip…..I told her I wasn’t sure which one it was for. She didn’t like my way of interpreting signs from Spirit. Didn’t wanna hear any negativity about the trip. Okie dokie. Well. Hmmm. Lotta jeopardy been goin on babygirl. This day is almost done. Come morning…and I do mean morning…I will be up and on the way to Houston, to have lunch with hubby’s mother. Houston. Hmmm. And Summer is still at that gas station. She’ll see a mechanic tomorrow and we’ll know more. Legions, legions of Angels. Thankyou. Have I told you that I hate driving or being a passenger in Houston? It’s not so bad if you drive the main roads instead of the BIG roads, but not hubby. Best get to drinkin my chamomile. Night night my friends. Hello Angels…12:44am = 11 = Master number.

Ok…remind me to never get old. I witnessed and experienced what I would deem…HELL today. Please no is all I can say. We arrived at the place where hubby’s mom has been living since her husband died 3 years ago. How has it been 3 years? That means that we haven’t, I haven’t talked to her in nearly all that time. So…her husband dies and they move her out of her home and into an assisted living place. Poor poor lady. Today, 3 yrs later….the elevator door opens and we nearly bump into her. She is looking for her 2 sons. One son has been awol for years and years and the other…just walked in the door. She informed us that they had her in a fake room. Everything looked right, but it wasn’t right and it wasn’t her room and wasn’t her stuff. Also, people were sneaking in her room and messing her bed covers and sleeping in her bed. Heartbreaking folks. I don’t wanna die yet…still feel I have wisdom to pass on, but YIKEs….I don’t want that!!! I feel just awful for her. Must be so scary. They lie to her. If she asks about her husband…oh, he’s out parking the car. And you wonder why she’s confused. Just awful. Then…….when we were nearly home, the nice mechanic was finally done with the car and it was a sensor. For the fan, near the radiator. So…not an expensive fix AND the guy was TRULY miracle nice and charged way less than he should have, so I’m thinkin she is back on the road…but I haven’t heard her say that. Good travels my dear. The goats are all back to normal here and my pups, god love em…didn’t mess with the baby’s body. Good pups. Ok…..as you can see, I’ve been sufficiently distracted from the leaving of my daughter and life continues. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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