If I keep blogging in this phase of my life…these next few days that is, you will see the true essence of fear. Unethical, undeserved, unnecessary, unjustified unrealistic…fears. That’s a whole bunch of un. Un means…non. Non fears. Ha. Well, tell that to some of the voices in my head. Overwhelmed is how I feel. In the present, there is no such thing as overwhelmed. Just a guess though. But really…can there be? Because each moment is followed by a new moment. But unless we are monks…living in the monastery where nothing affects us…life is …OUT THERE…how does one do this? Stay in the present moment? I can do it…for moments out of time. That doesn’t seem enough. Moments of being in the moment. Tiny whippets. Haha…new word? So…..I’m not sure if I’ll continue to blog while I go through this. It will be a charted Whinery. Does the world need a charted Whinery? Maybe, I dunno. Maybe they do, more than they need wineries. Ha….maybe if we all let it out….then there would be no pressure releases…no volcanos blowing in our minds…therefore, maybe no murders or rapes or tortures? Haha…ya….sure Sheri…the world will go good…if only you whine in public.
I have to finish the totem, find the right fleece and mail it off, shear 8 babies and 19 or so girls…all before the weather gets cold. I have an event not this Saturday but the next. I’ve just realized I didn’t miss it and although it won’t be a SELL event, it might be a Will Sell event. It’s non profit, so I can’t sell, but I can show and I can give my cards out and I can talk, boy can I talk. You should hear me at the gallery. Once upon a time, I was so shy I would never have considered such a thing. Talking to people about sheep and goats??? Who me??? Now, heck ya. Let me fill your mind with whispers of maas and baas and wisps and curls and food and soap and clothes and paintings. And….so many more things I cannot even begin to remember…my plate is overflowing with need to do’s.
I wonder. Do we all have a need to be recognized? I’m watching Akeela and the Bee….seen it a zillion times, yet here I am tearing up at the part where she is finally at the BIG bee….the National…and they show the hometown folks watching on tv from their respective homes and places. At Akeelas house, you see 2 young women sitting on the couch watching and you hear….thats my sister!!!! I guess I need that type of thing. I don’t get it though. Well, I don’t hear it anyway. I didn’t know I needed it until I had that gut reaction. Where the gut tightens and the tears well up. I only have a couple local friends. And it’s not like I’ve had a grand opening where those few might show up to say such a thing. And my family…well. Hmmm. Not only has my family NOT said a word about my art….but they also haven’t contributed to the fundraiser. Ha…and one works for THE major oil company. Maybe they don’t know? Well….the standing family joke is……the beede grapevine. As soon as one family member knows something…thee WHOLE family knows. Thing is…I’m no longer part of that vine apparently….cuz I get no word about anything. I literally saw my sisters on a vacation together…on Facebook. 3 sisters….one missing. I made a rude comment about it and they fixed it by putting another photo up and one sister photoshopped it to have me in the center. Lol. But you get my drift. I am such a needy gal, eh? Gosh. Makes me feel stupid. Whoa….that must be my negative voice thinking that. Forgive me.
I guess my daughter has made herself indispensable….and I gotta figure out how to live again….without her for awhile. For the last 5 months, I’ve thought of myself as dying….and now I gotta shift it….and shift it alone. I will go to be healed. I will not chicken out. I will raise the money. I will not give up trying. Ya ya ya, I’m talkin to myself. Oh dear Lord….I don’t know about this. She has checked with her psychic friends and they all say it will be fine…go. Shit…I told her I would be fine…go. Soon as I said that…panic set in. Ahhh, how sweet….I just got a call….monk was concerned cuz I’m not there. See folks…in the end, I don’t think he means harm. I think he is just from another country, is a man, may have his own issues, who knows, but I don’t think he intended to harm me. He was worried that I wasn’t there. Sweet. Up down.
Well, we went to shear the babies today and poor Cathy got stung 3 times by a yellowjacket!!! I, am deathly allergic to them, so it was good that it was her and not me, but jeeze…I feel horrible. It was hot and the stanchion wasn’t in the shade at that hour so I told her to go home and we’d shear tonight. I’ve since eaten lunch. Never shear with a full belly but oh well….guess I gotta. I have allergies right now too….the sneezing kind. So…..I may or may not be shearing today and I may or may not be sneezing or crying while I do it. My girl has been busy cooking me soups all day…to freeze in little baggies. I should have dinner for most of the time she’s gone. It really disgusts me that she must do this……to make money to heal me…..when she does art so beautifully. The art should pay for this. Damnit. Just makes me ill. My daughter will be in a tent…during winter. Great, just great. And I…, shit, who knows how I’ll be. Like I said…it’s a Whinery. YeeHaw Ranch Whinery….and I….am a snifflin ball of whine. Gonna go walk the 18th mile to the mailbox to look for my anniversary ScrapBox’s…..2, remember??? Natalie threw one more in for retail therapy!!! Can the scrapbox fix my tiny depression? Can 2? What will I paint? Will I paint? Hmmm….wishin we had a 4wheeler….and a gazillion boxes of Puffs Plus tissues. For any who would like to contribute….I guess Summer isn’t doing an update…. The paypal is: firstname.lastname@example.org Any amount is graciously appreciated. Little, big…it’s all wonderful and will help immensely. At this point, I need enough for meds till Jan/Feb…then some for the trip. The healing trip. And yes, I do need to stay on the herbs and meds until then. Ok…headed to the mailbox hopin for a smile. I feel like a little girl. Lost. Little girl lost. Hmmm, sounds familiar. Ahhhh. They arrived. And while exquisite and fiberyummylicious, I seem to still be bummed. Haaaa…we watched Shear Madness last night. Somehow I only have 4 episodes left on my tv harddrive, which thoroughly upsets me…but we did have a blast watching. Summer for the first time!!! What a joy. Too bad there’s no more episodes. Ah well…at least there’s Blogtalk…on tonight…9/8c. Be there if you can. http://www.blogtalk.com/namastefarms. Oh….and if you don’t wanna donate to my LIFE cause….how bout purchasing a painting for Christmas? Or commissioning one? Or layaway???? I can make smaller…well, sometimes. I will try my best. Later!!! Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps………..the ScrapBoxes are wonderful…and the kitchen sink lives up to it’s name. Funny…it’s always been the plan to one day sell my leftover scrap bags. Bags that retire when I get a huge batch of new colors. (I’ve even talked about it here) That’s what kitchen sink is….one of my scrapBags….but new to me fibers. Hehe….yay!!!! Adios amigos. PSS……….Uggggh….I’ll tell ya tomorrow about the horrific shear episode.