Dazed and Confused……

The other day, 2 of my pendants fell off my pouch. One….sure, but 2? One was a tiny spider with a broken piece of amethyst and the other is a gold lace heart that once was my mothers. I was picking up a piece of fiber off the floor when I saw it. The other had fallen into my lap. I always wonder at the possible meaning. Is this a sign? Maybe, maybe not. We shall see. Hubby’s mother is now in a nursing type home after her hubby died. Hubby never ever calls her…never did before his dadd died either though…..so it’s up to me to keep in contact. He says he can’t understand her on the phone. I understand her just fine. This time it had been a long time. 4 months maybe longer since I’ve talked to her. I asked if she remembered me, and her reply was maybe, she might. Then she said that Dennis is the only one who comes to see her. That told me her mind was more in tact than others may want to believe and that she did indeed know me AND she knew that I hadn’t called in ages. To grow old and be forgotten in a home….is a horrid thought, and shame on me for allowing it to happen to her. I shall do better. We have nothing in common except her son….but it’s something. OH ya…we are both women.

I’m goin to bed a bit early tonight and trying honey in my tea for the first time. My whole life I’ve been allergic to yellow jacket bee thingies so I’ve avoided honey, not knowing if I would be allergic to that too. Lately, I’ve been testing it out in tiny bites of things that have honey in it….but tonight…is the night. Actual honey…in my chamomile tea. Speaking of that…the Mr, Coffee French Press is most awesome! As long as you push the thingy down slow…it works great. Really a nice addition to avoid a tiny bit of stress or ick on me. It was previously a pain in my butt. Ha. Ok…well, I seem to be alive after drinking the honey, so…….night night my friends. 12:32am = 8 = Infinity! Oh my! That always brings me right to reincarnation and the body vs the soul and the soul exchanging bodies forever and ever amen. Oh my. Kinda prefer the Christian idea….go to heaven and be done with it.

What a day. I’m not sure this gallery was a good idea for someone like me. Face it folks…I do have some issues. Insecurity and low self esteem are large in my life. I’m torn. Half of me loves this and loves talking to the people and the reactions when they see the paintings…the other half doesn’t understand why they don’t sell. Yesterday, at the last second, I was told there would be a parade. Hey said Monk….these are people for you! For your work! This is children and families. Hmmm. Then today he decided to tell me my stuff wasn’t art, it was handicraft. And they certainly weren’t paintings. I then had him tell me what made art art. Well….the colors are real. THESE are real colors, I said! No…they need to be liquid. He then asks me if I think of it as art. My answer….absolutely. Yes, yes I do. It made me cry and he got uncomfortable and ate his lunch. I was just telling hubby last night that I now know why there was a monk in my life. Not what I originally thought….not to enlighten me in the general monk sense…but to enlighten me that…..even monks aren’t better than me. I am equal….made of the same ingredients as this monk and that Queen and that famous actor. I am the same….yet not. I am both equal and extraordinary!!! Extraordinary….because while I may be the same ingredients….i was put together in a totally unique way. I am….my own cookie. Or cake. Or bread or candy…..or 24 course meal. Actually…..I’m more like the 24 course mean because my art skills are so varied. Ha….guess this means poetry is not an art either? No real colors there. Judy pointed out that oil paints are created with pigments…as are dyes for fiber. It’s almost as if monk is here to force me to reconcile myself. Are you quality? Are you worthy? Then again….what is quality. I’ll never forget Lisa Shell telling me that if the goats had vertical skin rolls….that meant I had a quality goat. We joke about it all the time….as we shear and have to pull the curls out from inside those vertical rolls….what a pain in the arse…..we joke but hey….at least it’s a quality goat! Well….if there is a God…..all things would be made by said God…..therefore…how or why would any judge which are quality and which are not? I myself am guilty of doing this too. Forgive me. In fact I did it recently. I saw an owl that was nowhere near as detailed as mine……and I noted that. Quality. Who are we to judge? Hmmm…..or who are we NOT to judge. Ha…things to ponder on lifes journeys. Row row row your boat life is just a dream. Well, I dream in REAL colors….made from real goats, with my real hands….just like any other artist…haha…except for the goat part. Yes folks…I’m touchy. Someone this touchy probably has no business being an artist OR handicrafter, which is prolly why God didn’t give me the skills till I was mature enough to handle it…or close. :=)) Haha…..well….it is what it is. Selling or not selling…it is art. I deem it so. It sho nuff ain’t scribbles!!! Oh……AND……I texted Doc to tell her the HEPC people on FB said the numbers i got meant nothing. She agreed!!! What???? How is that possible? These are the same set of numbers that told her I was dying!!! Dazed and Confused… Signing off at 920 Main St. Bastrop, Texas aka….. http://www.noahs-arts.com Oh…it’s my anniversary in the morning. 13 years!!!

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6 thoughts on “Dazed and Confused……

  1. There is also the possibility that Monk met you because he has some stuff he needs to work on, such as his very narrow definition of art….. he is just plain wrong about that. Perhaps he is insecure about his own art and this is his way of telling himself, I’m an artist, I’m good. Some people build themselves up by making comparisons, etc. Your art doesn’t negate his and his doesn’t negate yours, though I think you already know that. It seems your own doubts about your art come from someplace else. Anyway, this is one interesting journey, isn’t it?

    • Ha!!!! It surely is an interesting journey! Certainly not boring. The constant analysts alone is quite stimulating even if on the sadder side of the road. Ha, yes, his constant announcement of..I am the artist might speak to that. Also he is from another culture. India. They have different views on things. :))) thanks for the lift! What a ride

  2. Painting, it may not be the correct word for what you do, as you don’t use paints. But isn’t stained glass a piece of art? there is no paint in that but there is color, it isn’t painted, maybe assembled to create an affect. A statue is art, I mean the statue of David is a famous piece of art, admired my many, but, how do you classify what art is. Henry Moore’s statues art artwork but they have no color added. Photography is art, but it is only taking a photo of what God has created. Who is he to tell you what art is.

    from wikipedia: Art is a diverse range of human activities and the products of those activities;…which includes the creation of images or objects in fields including painting, sculpture, printmaking, photography, and other visual media.

    People look at what you create, it is visual. Architecture is also considered art, as is the “art” of embroidery. I think what you do applied art, but art none the less. Is ballet not an art, is an actor not an artist. Who the —– is he to tell you you are not an artist, perhaps he sees the gift you have and how vulnerable you are. People can be cruel, but you are an artist.

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