where’s the beach?

I’m watching Super Soul Sunday….not a typical thing for me. I wanted to see the interview with the author of the book The Alchemist….lol, even though it’s not the exact one I like, which ironically I have not read. Ya, I’m nuts. So……he’s telling about being published….but no books sold. It was 6 months before one sold, then awhile later, another…but by the same guy, so they pulled the book. That is my story and apparently it is Paulo Coelho’s story too. I told you the other day I woke to an upsetting text. Well, I wasn’t ready to tell it yet. I was trying to remain positive and strong because I was trying to open my tiny gallery. So. Above story. I had art in a gallery. It was published, so to speak. It didn’t sell. It was removed from said gallery. It was upsetting to me, as I was scared at the time and unconfident. I understand. I’m grateful for the 2 months that it was displayed and grateful for the chance. Grace, I imagine you’re reading this. Thank you for believing in me and for the opportunity. It just wasn’t the right fit. Blessings to you and your gallery and I hope it does really well. There. Now I have stated my beautiful humiliation. I say beautiful because somehow, today…….it occurred to me that sorrow…..was indeed beautiful. Anything that touches the heart….is beautiful. Beautiful. The word is over used. Think about it. I am saying….shoot, I can picture it. Someone crying….is beautiful. Someone being comforted…is beautiful. Someone frightened…..is beautiful, like a child. Do ya get it? Oh ya….! He finally sold some books!!!!
The death of 2 goats and a kitten, is eased, by the memory of some words by my monk. Ha, wonder how he would feel if he knew I was calling him that. Truth is, I really don’t remember what he said, but I remember it was about animals and I remember how I felt about it and that I connected to it and that the next time an animal died, It would be ok for me because of those words, that understanding. That’s how strong it was….that I did better with just the memory of the memory.
I think I’ll feel better while being at the gallery now. My desire or felt need for money….the need to sell one, was too heavy. Now that there is some medicine money in the coffers, I think I can maybe relax some and just enjoy it. Life is so different now, with the internet and especially with Facebook. A hermit, has over 500 friends. And even the admiration of some of the friends of those friends. It’s just remarkable that we all sorta kinda know each other. I love it, this new era. Well, aspects anyway. I see so much warmth, so much caring, so much love and so dang much give a shit. And on that sweet sounding note….I say nitie night. 2:37am = 3 = Holy.
Hmmm, If God is all of us and we are all God……then that spider is aware too. That spider living on my window about 4 ft to my right, as visible as all get out. He or she sits there day after day, watching my life, as it goes about its life. The microcosm I suppose. But ya, his chosen spot is here in my room. What I’m thinkin is….how many times have I said, boy I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that! Well, maybe that does indeed happen! Maybe the insects come, to be witness, because after all, they are the same ingredients, just a different recipe.
Ok, the bigboys are done. There are only 8 now. All are very gentle loving souls. Only one has mites and it’s the tee tiniest case so that case, I will treat. The rush to shear was to see who did and who didn’t. Now we proceed. Continue shearing the baby boys and when done….the whole pen of babies and yearlings will join the bigboys. About the bad grass. Here’s the deal. I asked hubby why, when they have 6 acres of grass that is everywhere and so high we barely see them……….would they be starving to death???????? His answer? After the hay gets to a certain length, it loses nutrition. So, since the field was never shredded…….there was no nutrition, although there was tons of grass. Good grief. Next time, tell a gal. But they are all done now. My Wywy has been dealt with. That is now the past. I must look at it that way cuz……I am now down 2 goats and a baby kitty. Oh…..and for those who remember Picasso, he had worms a year or so back and had the high fever which caused him to shed his entire coat. That next coat didn’t get taken off in time I’m thinkin….and this one neither…it is so way past due to come off….BUT…..the top later is dry and weak….and under that???? I hit paydirt I do believe. Hehe, the kids didn’t know that phrase. It’s Soooo long. If it washes ok and isn’t felted…woohoo! We shall see.
I was a witch last night without my cookie. And been in arguments all dang day. Apparently I have a temper these days. Apparently I am angry. Liver issues, anger. Bottom line is this. Nothing, not even hot tea or juice or water….processes in my body….for hours and hours. I have food anger right now and a whole lot of other anger. Husband anger. Me anger. While all this is going on….I am also discovering myself….and learning to love myself. Not sure how well I’m doing though cuz I keep giving in….on things I don’t wanna give in on. That’s loving them. Well……..baby steps. Ya. Baby steps. Ok…..I’ma gonna babystep it on outta here. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch, with a reminder for me…..the book The Alchemist, sold 65 million copies of that book that nobody wanted to buy…..gives me hope for my paintings. Hugs

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2 thoughts on “where’s the beach?

    • honey you are allowed to cry anytime you want. It’s your body. Holding in tears is not good for us. If something strikes a chord…it needs healed maybe and the tears are cathartic. Thank you….that means alot that you cried for my babies. ❤

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