a heaviness……

Warehouse thoughts. Can you imagine? Our thoughts go into a warehouse…..where they are filed away and stored, waiting…..waiting for an opportunity to manifest. Yup. I knew it. I know I’ve told ya before but its relevant. When I had that dream in the 80’s of Mama’s Poundcake Cupcakes. I saw the package. I saw them in the package. It was very vivid. When I told people of the dream, I heard…..oh you don’t wanna do that, you need a commercial kitchen, you have to get approved by the state, just an endless litany of reasons that I wasn’t qualified to do such a thing. So, no Mama’s poundcake cupcakes. A few months later…..Sarah Lee. Sarah btw, is the name of my 2 yr old inner child given to me during primal therapy)….and Lee, is my middle name and was even my last between marriages last time. Yup, Sarah Lee made cupcakes of poundcake. It was in the ethers, cuz I dreamed it. It was in the warehouse of thoughts and since I wasn’t gonna use it…someone else got em. Fascinating!!!! This stuff is so yummy to my heart. I was suicidal for 38 years because I couldn’t find answers to my questions. Ever since God gave me a rebirth, I find answers to my questions. Granted, it’s a very slow process and so far has taken 14 years to get here…..but yes. Understanding is occurring more and more every day. Sometimes every hour. Usually its so much that I only remember a tenth of it.

Another new thing to consider in life. Pray for love and peace to enter the hearts of all beings. Imagine if every human on the planet said that same prayer at the same time. What would earth be like then I wonder. Ha, but what would life have been like before that happened, that caused it to happen? No, really. If we prayed for each being…human or otherwise, to have love……that’s HUGE!

Once again, I can’t eat my cookie. I go through the motions….getting it out, buttering the dish, pulling the little squares out, stacking them up and waiting and checking and waiting. 30 minutes for this huge cookie. Well, I shouldn’t have been eating the huge cookie. I’m just now willing to acknowledge that. It is sugar. Sugar feeds the ick. It was a necessary thing. A part of my dealing with this illness. A part….head in sand and just plain how I deal with things. Problem with that is….I’m already losing weight again. Summer says I look bony but with flab, lol from the cookie sugar, like on my arms. Heheheeee. Well, that flab sure tasted good goin on. But I haven’t really been honest with myself about how I feel. Nearly every food I eat….I feel. I need to start being more honest with myself about it all. The awesome donations coming in give me more options and I’m so relieved. Ready set go. Ok…..2:14am = 7 = Holy! Night night….and may you see your hands in your dreams tonight….and realize you are dreaming. The idea of lucid dreaming used to scare me. Tonight…it sounds intriguing.

After reading to Wywy yesterday and giving him good drinks……he made it through the night. Thought he’d make it but when I moved him…….it made him worse. He has passed now. We went ahead and did a fast cleanup shear on who we could in the bigboy pen. No wonder they couldn’t fight the worms. They are skinny! They are in 6 acres of grass, no grain. What the heck? Well…..for some reason, the grass is not feeding them adequately. So, we sheared 3 and have 2 more of them to shear tomorrow. These coats were delayed being removed. If they had been removed, we would’ve seen their skinniness. The fiber hides conditions. So…..the boys are back on the feeding rounds. When I finish the two tomorrow…..we will then finish the baby boys and move them all together into the bigboy pen. We will then only have 2, girls and boys. I am so sick about my Wy. I’ve known for hours now that he wouldn’t make it. Had to witness the entire thing. Why oh why does death take so long when its time? The process takes hours….and I guess God did it for a reason, but geeze. And Sneezy Easy Smokey Baby…..the cat….the black and white cat…………….we think a coon got him. The pups got a coon. Sneezy has been missing 3 days now. This morning was a dead coon. Poor friendly baby. He probably walked right up to it. My heart hurts so bad today. So much stress. We sheared Popeye and it may have been too much for him. Too much stress, so I may have lost his opportunity to recover. He’d been up and around…till I sheared him. Just a big bunch of horrible. Just so hard. On the other hand….Wywy and Sneezy will be waiting there for me. We were gonna take Tika to the vet about her foot, but it’s not broken as thought. We shall just wrap it tonight when we go worm the girls at feeding time tonight. Ya….shearing 3…..AND worming 30 some goats. And I’m supposed to get healthy how? Oh………my appointment has been made for the initial IV visit. Monday! Not sure if I get a treatment that day or not. It will be in Austin….also don’t know how often till I see them. Will be ordering other meds tonight as well, now that there are funds to pay for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YayayayayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYYY!

Ok. We got the name change to the business. As you may remember, but I didn’t elaborate, I didn’t really care for the name. Summer wanted it from the getgo. It was a choice of having 2 business’s or me accepting her name. So, I did. But I couldn’t ever remember it! At this moment I can’t remember it. So……when we came to look at this property 14 years ago, God told me it was Noah’s Ark. Funny that at many times we have indeed had just 2 of many types animals. So……………….Noahs-Arts.com Noah’s Arts. Art was taken so we had to add the s, but there are 2 of us here!!! :=) We also had to add the dash…lol, cuz it looked better. I doubt the website has been opened yet, but that is the new name. Will have to create a new felted sign or signs.

Ok….all girls have now been wormed. The bad hoof has been bandaged, the other was just an owie. Bigboys have been fed and Popeye came to eat. Hubby knows why grass no good. Jeeze….tell me next time, eh????????????? Ok. Its just been a loaded day. I’m exhausted and beyond. Love you guys. Thank you so much for everything all the time. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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4 thoughts on “a heaviness……

  1. Sorry for your loss. It never gets easier. Is there enough in the donation pot to hire a shearer to come do the rest of the flock, so that you can get ahead on that without further endangering your health and losing more animals & fleeces? Then you could better monitor their condition and you would have fleeces to sell too, so win-win.

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