when God gives you both….double H

The splashes and the waves. The light has shone long enough that the glint of truth has been shown to me….a place of understanding. I now understand….that I am painting the world. My own tiny one, as well as the whole entire one. Others have come to this knowledge before me and I wondered at it. I even winced at it as not true. It has touched my mind and my heart. Ahhhh…..I get it now! That’s the key! It needs both! Oh yay! So, simply was it put, that I now want to simply paint it as well. Yes……I want to paint….that I am painting the world. Hehe. Can you tell I’ve recently been in an art gallery? Maybe it will rub off and mine will look more like one. Oooooh….in fact. We have decided on some changes to the gallery. But lest I completely confuse you, here are the words I read….in a nutshell: That when you throw a stone in the water, it creates a splash and a wave. YOU are the stone. If you create a splash, it will affect others.

I think I’ve just comprehended karma. We all live on a spinning ball……full of symbolic water. Each of us lives our life and as we do so….we put out emotions….which are an energy. These energies travel and bump into others. Whether they are good or bad. Think of the swimming pool. The child pees in the pool. There is truthfully now pee in the entire pool. It has touched everyone. This is where wars come from….and this is where wars are ended, once understanding of this concept is fully understood. That means that if we are happy or grateful or loving, we spread that poo. Good poo. But…if we are angry or jealous or envious, etc we spread bad poo….it splashes out and hits people as well and who knows how this can affect them! Shoot…they could murder someone, all cuz I said mean and cruel words to my child…or to anyone for that matter. Bad energy is bad energy. Period. I send it out, it can take any form when it lands. Angry words could yes, turn very easily into murder across the globe or who knows what.
The average person has 17 thousand thoughts a day. As a brand new meditator and very very slow at that, I am doing the kind where I simply notice the thoughts. When I do, I think the word….thinking. Well, I think Thinking about every 2 seconds. I bet I have more than 17 grand. Hehe…this says, thoughts are often one sided and untrue. I’ll try to remember that. :=) Also that we radiate the thoughts….whether spoken or not. So….wow, ya!

Oh…..that we are on a wheel of life….being born and reborn until we get it and are released from the cycle. The pieces of the puzzle seem to be falling into place quickly. Much quicker than I expected. I thought the process could be unattainable but at this rate, with the universe answering my questions so quickly after me asking for them…..wow. Gosh I love learning. It fills me up with this awesome squishy feeling that seems to swell inside me. Oh ya…my monk……he asked Summer today what she was reading…she said Jack Kornfield. He said, oh…that’s my friend!!!! We had the same teacher! Well, my friends…between my daughter, Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield and my monk…. Amma is holding true to her promise. Her promise to take me all the way.

A vessel of gratitude. I am. Natalie has been busy trying to regroup her life after the tv show ended and has started several new projects, therefore she’s been really busy. She didn’t realize how serious my condition was until tonight. She posted a really sweet post on FB telling about me and my condition and she put the fundraiser link up and asked for donations. What a generous thing to do. I thought she didn’t care, but she was just really busy. It meant a lot to have her remember me, see me again. I had such fun during the tv thing…what a hoot. Bottom line is….she helped me a lot! Donations came rushing in. $5, 10, 25, 50, and a large amount from someone calling themselves…Scrappys Mom….lol. Thank you Natalie. Thank you everybody! Now I can absolutely do the IV thing and the other thing I also wanted to add, that Summer required as well, and I got the amount for hers from hubby for Summers birthday(had to spend $40 of it though on meds). Ya, I gave my kid the promise of meds for her birthday. Good grief, eh? What can I say, she’s sick too. We don’t know whats wrong with her cuz she doesn’t have insurance. She tried some clinics and even had a scan thingy but they didn’t see anything. Had the issue for a few years now. So, now we can both get those particular meds since I still have the 100 for hers. Yay!!!!

We are renaming the gallery. I am very happy. For the life of me, I can’t ever remember the name of the place. Hehe, the life of me. Strange things we humans say. I’ll tell ya after we get the domain thingy straightened out cuz she already got it…hoping we can change it. Then we have to make another sign. I thought the first one was adorable….with the elephant and the mouse….Ganesh. ok….night night. So so so much on my mind. Sleep well world. Blessings across the globe. 2:23am = 7 = HOLY……it’s raining. Ahhh, holy water! Oh, ps…….i feel some better tonight, and was able to eat some dinner and a half a cookie tonight. Yay! I also took the harsh meds twice again. Ya, I know, but soon, thanks to y’all and Summer and to so many people and Natalie tonight….I can now get the same thing…..but without the side effects! Yeehaw! Pss….my monk has satsung twice a week…right there in his gallery. Hehe. We thought we’d have to go to Austin for that!……meditation and like minds joined type thing I believe. Looked it up….it means…..spending time in the Highest Truth or Spending time with a Guru. Cool, eh? Ya. Man, this is so fun. I now hear myself in my head say things like….thinking……..being jealous…..judging……………remember when I said I’d been shaking my pillow out before bed the same way since I was 17 and that I wanted to change it up….to challenge myself and it. Yup….still shaking it new…different each night. :=))

I am being tested. Can she handle really really good stuff AND really really bad stuff at the same time? Will she stay strong and bend like a willow or will she….snap…like a twig in winter. We have had 4 rains just this week, in our drought ridden state of Texas and I am now in the middle once again of…a worm storm. Last year I lost 3. This year…..so far one….and 2 have taken a step or two on the rainbow bridge and I’m standing on this side holding them by the horns. My breeder goat, WyWy. And Popeye, but WyWy oh man. My buck. My beautiful buck. My dalmation. 4 or 5 colors in that boy. He can’t get up and the fireants are on him so I’m gonna be moving him as they appear. Please pray with me for their survival. Worming them was very hard on me, so we will do the girls tomorrow. I nearly passed out quite a few times. There’s more. The fence that fell down….had not been removed yet. We have 2 does with injured legs. I asked hubby to deal with it. He did….which then required me and Summer to go and fill the post holes with something temporarily so no broken legs would ensue. Hubby does what hubby does. It should be safe until he re-fences it and this time with the right fencing. When you buy your herd….read up and don’t just listen to one person. My advice….3 inch fence hole or smaller. Period. Oh, I so don’t want to split up the herd. I’m hanging on just in case. I want to keep a few, but I really want the rest to go as one. Am I asking too much? Probably. Well, this is a long blog, so I better go. Big learning time for me. Hard too. But I am so blessed. A really big thankyou to Natalie Redding. Her reach is far and her people adore her and they have been so kind. I am truly blessed by all you wonderful awesome and…here’s the kicker…NICE….friends. Love you guys. (ya, I was raised in Maryland where we said…yous guys.) Later! Signing off with LOVE at YeeHaw Ranch. Oh ya…hehe…I’m even starting to embrace change. Its getting fun. Change means something new….hehe, new perspective. I love new things! Later! ;=)) Pssss……yesterday was 2 months….since I quit smoking and drinking on the same day!!! Yay ME! PssssssSSS….Wywy is drinking water and nibbled on some grass where he is laying….and Popeye took a drink of the water I brought him and then wandered away.

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