Oh man…no, the mood never did clear up or get sunny and bright. Its ok though, cuz I’m supposed to analyze the emotions I have, if I want to be successful with my spiritual journey…ie, LIFE. Nah, there is a difference. Many many many, in fact, most people I know….are not on a spiritual journey nor do they really even understand what that might mean or entail. Most of the people I know….are either my family or are acquaintances. None of my family are spiritual. Religious, well, a teeny tad maybe, but spiritual, nope. They all laughed at my journey and the things I learned….they would have laughed so hard they’d land on the moon with all the laughter hot air. Hmmm, wonder what they would’ve said about Planet X? Or Niburu? Hehe…same place. Or the Kolbrin bible? Sacrilege!!!! Nah…..my family was not religious enough to yell sacrilege. But they were “judgers”. Yup. They judged the neighbors and well, everything. I was judged to be….a failure. One who never reached her grand potential. The wasted child. What a shame. Ironically……nowadays, life is proving my journey true.
Oh man….ye know….all this art I do of wild animals. Something about them that bothers me and I never really understood it. It’s the kill. The animals don’t know how to kill quickly. It bothers me. I watched a food fight. A few cheetahs caught a young antelope. They were eating it while it was still alive. Arrrrgh!!! That part is so hard for me. On the other hand….gosh, try to have compassion for all Sheri……there is a need for speed there. Eat fast before someone comes and steals it. I guess that could explain it satisfactorily for me. Need to stretch my compassion to also include the hunger. Boy can I relate. No, I’m not starving as some are, some truly are…..but I have had to switch my foods drastically. I literally cried hard while I created my dinner tonight. Can’t even call it dinner. I don’t have meals anymore. I have food. Quite depressing technically…..and not technically. I mean seriously. Vegetables are ok….as a side…..as I’ve been TRAINED to eat them. I’m too old for this. Ya, I complain sometimes even though I’m happy to still be alive. A happy person isn’t happy every second. Or every minute. But this food thing man. And the gestapo is after me every second.
I’m wanting to hold onto the anger that I’m sitting with. Summer and I are having a spat and I’m noticing that anger wants to come out and play. I’ve been in a bad mood all day. I don’t say why. Many reasons, some are known. When you’re already partly there….and anger rares up….wow…easy to slide right on into an evil persona. I guess that’s how bad stuff happens sometimes. Someone is having a bad day and then something else just blows the lid off. Like one too many straws on that camels hump. Why are there straws on the camels hump? Just curious.
At the end of a long Amma quote it said…..a Self-realized soul is the master of his own mind; his mind will only move at his command. Wow. Boy do I have some work to do! His mind will only move at his command. What word is bigger than wow, that would cover this….the incredulity of the realms to which I must go to reach such a thing. The distance to that seems insurmountable but on the other hand, I have already achieved mountain moving things. :=))) In the kitchen, I saw a small lone brown curl laying on the floor. I picked it up and ran my fingers across it’s smoothy silkness and then I lay it down on the counter. I got my drink and came in here. A bit later….here comes Summer with the lone brown curl….saying, look who I found! Hehehe….yes, we love our fiber here.
So….through this examining of thoughts and my shadowside self, I’ve come to the conclusion that everything about me is beautiful. All my imperfections are perfect. I shall try to remain in awe of this. Ha….especially when I’m really trashing myself and my efforts. Just beautiful. Ok….well, night night beautiful people. 2:52am = 9 = Endings
Ha. God laughed at me today. I picked Jesse up and we made plans, lol, to shear a few babies, which Jesse would carry for us….then while shearing, he would rebuild the pen by my bedroom. Up to that point, all was great. Got Squirrel, poor guy had no clue….and got him 1/3 sheared when the rains came. Just stuck him back with his mom in the L. I could tell they were gonna give him a hard time….which is ridiculous cuz the yearling boys didn’t give a hard time to either new baby boy that was just sheared and placed in with them….double reason to head butt and all. But no, they were sweet. So poor Squirrel is not having a grand first shearing experience. Poor baby. And the remaining fiber will be not so great as well.
While we did that, Summer was and still is, out checking out a new local market that we may be able to sell the art in. She is also making a website. She decided on her own to change the webhosting company were were gonna use. She decided on Wix. (not sure how I feel about that) If we can sell paintings, that’s more money, so that’s why a website is important, especially since I can’t do the kid n ewe. Everything right now is all about getting money for medicines. Ye know what…..I’ve got de ja vu. Not the ordinary kind though. This is the thought kind. I just had memories, of visioning my life and having someone to go to festivals with me, someone to help me sell the art. ITS HAPPENING NOW! Ooooooh……Spooky! :=))) The even funnier part is that just earlier today I was wishing for an example of visioning working….to remind me that it does work. Ya baby, sure does. Now, we just need to stop the arguing. Jesse says it’s too much togetherness. I think he’s half right. The other half is she is nearly as stubborn as her mama. OKIE dokie then. It is time. Signing off at a soggy (yay) YeeHaw Ranch. Ps….those two babies have suddenly remembered they want their mama’s and are crying like crazy. Well, especially Sochi, who is a cryer. He had dalmation spots upon shear, love those. Anyway, they be sad lil ones.