here I AM!!!

I am writing this as fast as I can soon after waking so that I can make sense and be logical. Not that I have anything to say mind you, but y’all are expecting a blog and I haven’t been providing very many! Well, thing is…my meds are making my mind pea soup, and I can’t do much when I’ve taken them. I’ve held off for ya today. I honestly can’t do any blogging or much of anything to be honest. My memory is gone….but I’m hoping it returns when the meds are out of my system. Right now, if there’s something I need to remember and its important…..I dilute it until there is just the tiniest spark of it’s originalness….then I hold that tiny seed to remember. Rarely works but its worth a try. Haha…..also, I have no writing skills. Whoda thunk? Without memory skills, I lose my writing talent! It’s really really bad and I’ve been hinting at it but just now sane enough to sorta explain. I was just about to cancel the blog for awhile, but thinkin maybe I’ll rethink the meds instead. The dose anyway.
I can’t remember anything. Its as if there is only ½ the information and stuff there once was and even then, I can’t remember. I’m glad I’m only writing these words…so as not to give them much energy. But it’s like I think I’m supposed to be depressed about something. And, I can’t remember what to do with myself or my brain. I just sit mostly. AND…top it off…I’m still in mystical spirit learning mode. I had to turn the tv off last night. Too much input. It’s as if I need to go somewhere 100% alone. For a week or 2. ALONE. Wouldn’t that be nice. No tv, just me trying to figure out me. Meditation would play a starring role. In fact, it would be the only participant. I ponder this a lot lately, this need to be away. I wish I could explain how bad its been, but then…..I look around and the news is awful. My pitiful miseries don’t compare. I remember a day when the news reports weren’t so dang bad….back in the 70’s I guess. Bad news from just every direction!!! Don’t know who to side with so I don’t. I live in the now and live and deal with what touches me in any way. That’s the best I can do. Also, I think this business of telling someone they are dying is horrible. Maybe they should give death dates if they’re gonna bother with the death predictions. I’m working on my new sugar addiction. Getting better already. I’m a tough cookie and doesn’t take me long…lol, cookie. Already veering away from the great illustrious cookie!!! Last night all I had was cookie dough. Tonight I shall have neither. Its amazing the difference this weight makes. I can feel the fat on me. I can feel the extra inch all over me. Really quite odd.
Really wish I’d have gotten a knight in shining goat armor, but alas. Nobody wanted my whole herd. Yes, of course I am keeping some. Ok…mostly my whole herd. Either way, nobody wanted a whole herd. Real bummer man. Its still available!!! Most of a herd! I really can’t deal with them. Some days I can’t do anything. (meds…so far the health feels ok) Wow…I got half a blog written!!! And it all makes sense, whatdya know! Still haven’t worked on the tiger painting. Jeesh….passion, where are you??? It stares at me….and I see all the things that need fixed, tweaked, moved, pushed, pulled or removed. A half finished depiction of a tiger. Frozen in time until these hands pull a fiber here, push a fiber here…and wham….a sight for eyes.
Well, it’s been another day. How strange that we look at life like that. It is twenty minutes to 7 and I guess I have already written this day off as done. Guess I’ll go ahead and take some of those meds now so this blog is ending. I may not blog quite as often while I’m still on them cuz it’s a useless pointless venture. But yay, today is good. Ok. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.











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