Confusion say…..

I misunderstood. This one is a big one. Words. Words are so very important. I heard the right ones put together in a string today that said…..Sheri, you are not taking a single item that says it will kill your illness. I guess you gathered that from yesterdays words? None. Oh sure, some are useful or helpful or repairs, etc, but of the ones I am taking, not one is a killer. There is one that is a possible, but that’s not good odds. That leaves the recent one that I thought I could step out of and let Summer do that one, cuz I felt it was calling to her, not to me.. Hmmm….it turns out that’s the one that supposedly does the actual virus killing. The actual dirty work. Ya, well…it’s the one I don’t wanna do. Dangit. So much for my ducks being in a row. How did I miss that? How did I understand that? True confusion cuz I thought that like 3 things were gonna work together to do the job. Nope. Guess they are separate and I don’t have an explanation. Truly don’t cuz I remember what I was told. Need to do some reading myself…not so easy to do though…reading is hard. But when I can get my brain to work…then ya. That’s mostly inbetween meds. All I know is….I thought this was all figured out. Then, when I mention that I’m not into the one thing….well…that’s THE ONE THING. Huh…ya, I’m trying to make sense of the misunderstanding. It really doesn’t matter. Now matters. Right now…..what I have is what I have…..and ok. I’ll look further into the cure, but dang. I’m losing hope, faith, something. It’s already been 2 ½ months now…and we already chose the treatment. Damnit. I just dunno, I didn’t like the sound of it. Do I have more faith in this new thingy that I don’t like….than I do in High Potency Vit C? Hmmmm. The vit C must be done by IV…….that tell ya how weirded out I am by the other treatment? Oh wow man…it’s that late already!!! 2:37am = 3 = HOLY….trinity. Nighty night folkie olkies.

So, I slept in a bit…lol, ya, 2pm. Got a couple bills paid and got a painting off of the foam. No, it’s not done, but I wanted it off!!! I get that way. Sometimes I don’t wanna finish right now. Sometimes I wanna start something new while I’m in a different mood. Not sure what my mood is right now. I can just give it a factual title: theIjustrealizedIdid’ntchooseaHEPCcureyetoivehowisthispossible. There….now that’s a mood! I’m trying to pay better attention. I just ate that….how is it making you feel? Hmmm, my belly is stiff…what did I do different? Ya….all out school here….between that and the brain lessons, the spiritual lessons. Goodness. Ya ya ya. So, now I get to go over all of the options again this weekend and decide if I want to do one….ya, IF…..and if so, which one. AND……there’s always the “cures that could!” All the old wives type cures that nobody believes in except the people who do. I’m on one of those now. I am the one who believes….we shall see how strongly I believe!

Two weeks ago…I was a complicated human. Today, I feel like a simple thing. Very simple, do this…turn here and wala…look…its this human!!! Yay! Yay and violet flames and burnt cookies?? Oh no! Speaking of cookies…no, I’m out! None to cook at all! This is not good. We shall see who wins in this scenario. No clue. Well….guess I’ll see if I can do something today. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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