just a THOUGHT….

I forgot to mention in my last words, that all of those things I was saying….they were thoughts. They were just thoughts. Thoughts can be replaced. I however, cannot. So, if my thoughts are dangerous to me, why then by golly I need to choose new ones! Safer ones, and healthier ones. Like….well, if you slide down that wall Sheri, you could get a splinter. Or, Sheri, these feelings are only for a moment. See…new one here now…irritation. Ya, get outta my way, I’m having a meltdown. Well then Miss Priss, when you melt down, just make sure you do it in that bucket instead of the bed cuz we gotta sleep on it. Haha….ya, I’m in a Mood. Seriously now…I would say…just breathe, you’ll be ok, just hold on…a new moment is on the way….that will surely carry you away like Calgon. Ah gosh…it is late…my only defense. I do indeed want a cigarette. I’m learning Non Violent Communication…..i think it actually goes by another name…anyway, I’m learning not to say can’t. I can’t. Or, Summer won’t let me eat that. Won’t let me, can’t. Both are helpless victim states. This is just one aspect about the thing…. One that affects me personally….from my own lips. Usually though, this method is used to communicate with others. It is based on needs…met and unmet. The bane of all existence. Needs….met and unmet. Let that sink in. I think it means that everything we say or do…is based on…needs, met and unmet. We are a huge jimble jamble of needs. Like a ball of yarn….all wrapped up but so easily unraveled….to then possibly tangle. A tangled mess or a carefully wrapped ball…..it is still the same thing….a big thing of needs.
Well, my life is what it is, so I don’t really have time for long drawnout depressions now. I gotta recognize it, feel it, appreciate it and comfort it…all in the space of like a day now. No time to spare. And I can’t ignore it cuz if I do…I’ll spend my last days in a bad bad way. Not hardly Ethel. Ya, I feel different. Y’all can see it too can’t ya? Stuff to do, decisions to make. Oh those are the hardest for me. Always have been. I try to live my life in so predictable a way that I don’t need to make decisions. Oh sure, some slip through the cracks of my wonderful cement work, and I deal with them usually. I was about to say…I Have to…decide which cure to reach for. Hmmm. It will benefit me greatly if I choose a cure now. Ya…much better. Holy Bologna to me but yes, still much better. See, this stuff albeit spot on and truer than true……reminds me of psychiatry. Analysis. Shrinks. Summer wanted me to learn this stuff years ago and when she used it on me back then and even lately…I would get oh so pissed. Telling her if I wanted to be shrinked, I’d pay money and go to one. Do not shrink me in my own home. Ha…I now have a friend who does that for a living. Psychiatry, that is. Now however, I can see some merits and could probably use it to discuss things with hubby and maybe others in the future. But right NOW….I’m alone so nobody is telling me what to think, say, feel, eat or do. Not even me. Got a bit of painting done. You guys haven’t seen a painting in forever…but that’s cuz I haven’t done one in forever. I have a few in progress but none far enough along really to show, or so. I do have a Buddha head….and all it needs is a tiny bit at the ear…..but until I put that tiny bit in at the ear…nobody is seeing it! It’s funny, we giggled tonight that each totem painting we do…teaches us what to say on the instructions. Like tonights for example….No more than 2 pets. Ha! Pets are added pressure cuz they are precious to the recipient. Tonights totem has 4, but…one is a generic one straight from google and that helps! One more to go and I can relax and have fun with the rest of the painting. But, to be strictly honest….the google one is the one that gave me the most fits. Go figure. Another one taught us to be specific on how many trees. And another allowed in the use of dieties. We do…we learn. Well…it’s late and I’ve been silly enough tonight, but at least it’s better or different than the depression sounds of yesterday! But hey….it is what it is and I is what I is. I am Love…regardless of who and how many I show it to…myself included. 3:27am = 3 = Holy. Night night.
I’ve had a fairly good day. No sadness, yay!!! I worked some on the totem and I had the most yummy pancakes for lunch. They are found at Whole Foods and are called Angel Pancake mix. Hehe, of course they are! Cathy came for a visit and I even swept up kitty litter. Wowza, what a day! We have come up with a way to acquire money…and it involves another trip. Get to explain that to hubby…but on the other hand…he’s been clearly telling me there is no money…so what can he say??? Go forth and prosper!!! Also, Summer has been directed to another cure or two….one being rather squished and squashed like the cannabis oil…you know how those plastic makers feel about hemp, right? It competes with their ropes and such. I’ll tell ya more about this one when I know a bit more…no need to raise any dander yet. It’s fixin to storm and I gotta wait on Jesse to finish eating his lunch. No way can I do todays feed without him…Summer has gone into Austin for a few food supplies and the library for some Pema Chodron. Hey, how come people don’t quote me? Haha….I say some gooduns sometimes, eh??? And where is my Freshly Pressed already??? Come on WordPress…it’s on my bucketlist, ye know!!!??? Hey…I watched a good TedTalk….Dying to be Me…Anita Moorjani. Not putting the link in today. Feeling lazy…and its gonna rain. My mind is moving, body isn’t tho cuz I’m waiting on the boy. Really good video tho about how much we are aware of.
Erbie is lookin good today. Oh…have I told you? This is a reminder to all goat owners. These guys are tough….rock iron tough….sure a tiny worm can take em down and out…but other than that, they are extremely tough. So tough…that an injured leg can very well be a broken leg….and the goat wouldn’t say a word…lol, or scream a scream. Or say ouch. My Erbie…now is a bow legged Erbie cuz his limp from way back…turns out it was a break..therefore it set all wrong cuz I didn’t know. Shoulda known, cuz of Khalifa last year, but this was different. Erbie was just limping…his leg wasn’t just hanging there like Khalifa’s. So, my poor baby will forever walk funny now. I so admire these tough lil things. Ok…well, craving some more Angel pancakes but eating popcorn. Eat…it’s all I do. Signing off in better spirits….from YeeHaw Ranch.

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