Gods perfect pain…

I’m listening to the really fast Amma song that I love so dearly. The one that makes me shake my head and dance in my seat. I adore feeling like that. My seated body twists and rocks in place, like a bobblehead doll. We have Angelic visitors tonight…were told to expect them. We have prepared a space for them and then we made cookies. Left them one. :=) Like a cookie for Santa. Well, Angels are a lot like Santa. They do indeed save the day and they bring peace and good tidings. So….did they really arrive? It most likely depends on the belief system of the one whose home they are to arrive at. You know I love Angels. Ye think I’m making them welcome? Hehe. It was fairly fun making the cookies….and really fun eating them. They agreed with my belly too…all the quality ingredients, eh? Unbleached wheat flour, sugar cane, organic chocolate chips. Yes, they were a splurge, but I’ve been craving these cookies since Anahata and finding so few things really. Last night I actually cried. We just went to Whole Foods and my choices for dinner are basically the same as they are every other night. Made me sad. Next time we go I won’t be so sick AND, will take a list! Well folks….it’s late….and no, no painting yet. 2:17am =1 = Beginnings!!! Night night folkie olkies.
I used to try to understand life. Why are we here? What is the purpose? I also used to wonder why Life was as it was. Why wasn’t it like a movie? If it was a movie then we could watch it, without having to actually feel the pain. I of course, was referring to the main pain in my life…the muscle disease in my arms and legs. It was to me…..SEVERE. Intolerable. Inhumane. Too much suffering for a human. I now know that there are other things worse, even some far worse, but while in the midst of my suffering, it seemed to have no kin. Nothing to say, Oh…..I know you. No…I was alone in my suffering with this particular suffering. To this day, I have not met another who has the same pain. My mom and Grammy dealt with it on a very small scale from what I understand. I now look at it as art. They were Gods first tries at the creation of this pain. He finally perfected it when He got to me, so it was unnecessary to repeat the art with my children. I mean, when you reach perfection in a painting….you have no need to paint that painting again, you move on to fresh new paintings. Thank you Father, I am honored to be your perfection.
Dreamed that my mom took me to a nursing home to introduce me to my real father, no, not my first real father…the real father. He was busy and I never did meet him but I met his friends and there was a double phallus on the floor of his room. Oh, and there were purple waves in the ocean. It was so real I was ready to call my mom and ask if there was any possibility I had a different dad. I even went lucid in it. First time ever. Not sure what to make of it but wow it was strong and seemed to be a long dream, cuz I remember aspects but they just hover and aren’t clear now. Interesting, eh?
I’m watching my favorite Amma song video again. I’ve put the link up before and told you it speeds up. Well, it doesn’t speed up until 12 minutes in on a 15 minute song. Y’all musta thought I was a big fat liar and just turned it off! Well, it does speed up and then it speeds up and then it speeds up and then its done. Just lovely.

Oh ya….hubby made dinner for us girls last night. Turkey meatloaf??? Actually YUM. Also steamed broccoli and ummmmm, mashed cauliflower. Not. Definitely not when there are red potatoes here. But it was nice to have at least a semblance of meatloaf and mashed taters!!! Well, got Erbie some drench but tomorrow think I’ll choose electrolytes instead. Also got a lot of the yuk off his butt. My poor Erbie, never been perfectly healthy. My next step, should he not make progress, will be to treat him as if he has cocci. That’s what I recently did with Crystal and wowza…she looks great. Rather like that baby I remember! She even came up to me yesterday when I called her name. Hasn’t done that in a year. Hmmm. It seems I’m always hungry now. Is it the no cigarette thing? Dunno but hungry now and Summers eat time is like 9:30….hate that part. She does my cooking now. Also the cleaning. The kitchen has completely lost all semblance of Mama. The pantries have been rearranged…as if I’m already gone. Hubby too does this. Nobody remembers or cares how Mama did it and I suppose it no longer matters. Last night making the cookies…we even argued about that….my hard earned mother baking advice was not wanted. That’s sad. At least Jesse wants it, that’s something!!!! I’m still here folks….why not take advantage of that? Ask me things. Get me to tell stories…I’ve got a shitload. Going thru something???? I probably already did it…might know an easier way. I’m just saying…..I have lived a long hard life in these 52 & 96% years(hehehe, ya…it’s almost my birthday! August 6th.)and I might know a thing or two to help. Alrighty then…enjoy your weekend wherever you are…whichever country you are reading this from….I love you. Sight unseen….I love you. God created you….therefore, you are so loveable!!! Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.

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4 thoughts on “Gods perfect pain…

  1. It is hard for kids to know what to ask, you should just start telling stories. Think of ones you think are important/funny/meaningful/sad/whatever and tell them, when you are in the zen buggy, while you are eating, talk tell, don’t wait or they won’t hear them because they won’t ask. Impart all knowledge while you can, because when they realize they want it, it may be too late.
    A life can end in a flash, or it can be long drawn out, regardless enjoy everyday as if it is your last, because it maybe
    Love you, tough days

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