So sleepy all the time now. Been awhile since I’ve been able to take a nap, but I bet I may not even need that chamomile tea. I told ya last night I was gonna try to sleep without it but at the last second I got scared and said to myself….self…..you don’t wanna toss and turn now, so you just go on in there and make that tea. And we did, me and my Self. It’s funny. I go to the beach and walk or sit with Jesus as I said….but so far, we don’t ever talk…just hangout. Last night though, I went to sleep before I even decided if we were gonna walk or sit!!! That’s fast. However, I was only asleep a few minutes before I had a coughing fit and had to take codeine cough syrup. We asked Doc if that stuff was still safe and she said not really unless it was bedtime and I needed sleep…otherwise…use another kind. Oh, btw, the Marinol I spoke of…it’s just for pain. It’s not a treatment in that form. It is straight THC in liquid form in a pill. She gave me one script years ago and after a few tries, I said no way. Too strong and no control, like if I’m smoking a joint, I can set that joint down if I get high. Nothing you can do once you’ve taken that pill. I guess that’s why I liken it to taking acid. With acid…it’s a tee tiny piece of paper that you place on your tongue. I clearly remember it hitting immediately and trying desperately to remove it from my tongue…..but it’s always too late. And that desperation is NOT a good way to enter a “trip”.
Fever not too bad tonight. Never reached 102 but close. That’s when I took the ibuprofen. Here’s the deal on that. If you have a bad liver….take motrin of ibuprofen. Those two harm the kidneys. My kidneys are ok as far as I know….which is why I can take em. Never ever take Tylenol with a bad liver. Uggg…..am I now doomed to only speak of health? How flippin booooorrrrring!!! What’s cool though, is people are telling me they’re noticing that I’m strong. I’ve always known that cuz I lived through the bad years of my leg pain. Nothing touches it. Childbirth and dry root tooth and a few other things are worse maybe but different. I dunno….I’ve just had a lot of pain in my day and this leg arm thing takes the cake man. So friggin intense and if I dealt and deal with that….I am truly a rock. God know this cuz he built me this way. He does tend to push this rock around though. A friend of mine and Summer’s, just messaged and said he’d seen my post about the recurring fevers so he researched it. He said it’s not good and the liver is failing, stop your stubbornness and take your mama to the hospital! I don’t believe that’s true though. The x-rays showed improvement. I do have orders for a cat scan though so I better get that over and done with. Still no cookies. Tomorrow hopefully.
OH!!! I finally told hubby the options 1-6. His response? Same as usual. Not a word. I’m sure he’ll ponder on it awhile. I’ve just said a half round on my mala rosarie beads and I’ve hung, with Jesse’s help, my favorite photo of Amma…with her hand on her heart. It gives me so much peace when I stare at that photo as I say my mantra. …and sick or not sick….I smile so in the doing. It touches me. I still feel like I’m still so far from knowing what I truly need to know…from finding the secret, the truth,….of myself. Some days it feels like it’s closer then I will have a crap attitude and know I know nothing. I recently read that we are all always in the Present……although the world through books, magazine articles, tv shows…..tells us we don’t. That we live in the past or the future but rarely in the present…here…buy my book and I’ll teach you how to be present. Well….this person was saying that if we were not usually present….there would be few people on the planet cuz if we were in the past or present while cooking, driving, cutting things, mechanic-ing, around large dangerous equipment….well, we’d be in constant accident mode. No….we do mostly stay in the present….but when work is done and we are safe and at home and just sitting and relaxing…then, in my mind, we tend to choose where our thoughts will go…forward or backward. Which road do you choose more often? Fear???? That would be the future. Or maybe your friend is shame or failure feelings…then you will mosey on back through your life, kicking yourself for everything under the sun….ahhh, good ole memory lane. Ya. That’s my take. Maybe it’s 50 50…or less. :=))) Okie dokie…it’s late and I never did go to sleep yet. Didn’t paint either though. I did work on a small piece at the Dr’s today though. Ok…night night. 2:56am = 4 = Angels!!!
I rock. Lost all my water, both in my sleep (sweating) and while doing said chore….but I got the girl goats wormed!!! Not alone mind you….heck no. Summer and Cathy both were there and they did all the catching and brought the goats to me once we realized I was getting dizzy squatting then quickly standing…it’s really hot here folks. So, it was a catch, grab and drag to Mama kind of thing. Then the dang syringes get so hard to push after just a couple goats, and finally Summer had to do the squeezing…oh wait…that wasn’t why….it was when we realized I had no gloves on and the toxins were seeping in me…oh crap! Like my liver needs that! Erbie was in the worst shape and after he got his, he laid down beside me and didn’t budge, no matter how big the goat throwing a fit to be brought to me was. Mama’s Erbie. I could never sell him. This worming was the first for all the babies except Flutterbug and Erbie had tape wormer once. Usually they got it from moms milk. Too old for that now. We had a few screamers….but everyone is sporting a purple mouth and it feels great. I sweated a lot so Summer brought me water. I now have a low grade fever of 97. It just doesn’t seem to want to regulate which tells me something is wrong. Am cold….quite cold. Catscan Tuesday morning. Still waiting to find out if I have to drink the yuk barium stuff. Back to the goats….as a reward…tonight we make those cookies! Yum. Hoping the fever doesn’t go high again tonight. Oh….PS…I am still writing that book I told ya about. Turning Dying into Living. I may change the title, who knows, but the point is, it’s still goin…..a little over 5,000 words so far, and more to be added tonight. Hoping tonight goes well and I get to work on the totem painting that has been half paid for. I don’t wanna ruin it by not feeling good or being depressed. Oh gosh…way over my word limit. Hehe…hubby wants to cook dinner for me and Summer. Should be interesting…. :=)) Ok folks….signing off with purple fingers at YeeHaw Ranch. PS…Oh and by all means….don’t forget to have a listen to Blogtalk by Namaste Farms.