shortchanging a Miracle….

I’m realizing that my laptop is just as worn out as I am. Funny tho, cuz it’s only around 2 yrs old. I realized that I have blogged so much that the letters are about worn off of the keys. Guess I don’t look to type much anymore cuz I didn’t know till I couldn’t find the T. Makes me giggle. Giggling is good right now. I’m editing myself a lot these days. Had a sweet conversation with a friend who did some violet flame calls for me. Very nice prayers. I don’t feel I have a ton to say tonight. Today tripped me out and scared the tar outta me. How could a person be that weak? That thin…..ya, I was in a dressing room. I guess we’re stayin till Sunday. Summer will go tomorrow evening and be back Saturday evening, and we leave Sunday. Wow…..I feel sleepy good. It might just work, this chamomile. It worked last night folks…I slept. I woke often, and too early, but…I slept. And now….I’m feeling like I could just fall out so………………..don’t wanna risk a second wind, eh? So…night night my friends. Yay……12:44am Hello Angels!!! = 11 = master number!!!!
I slept again. Yay. Not thrilled about the longer stay, but it is what it is. And yes, even though I said yesterday on the FB link that I guessed it wasn’t a miracle after all…well….wrong. Just the fact that I was up and walking in the town…was a miracle. Just cuz it was so painful and I couldn’t make it but a few feet before sitting down…doesn’t take away from the miracle. I was headed straight for pneumonia and I have no doubt. Yet, here I sit……so I stand corrected. Lol. I’m having my tea….this time with what I think is regular white sugar….BLEACHED, yuk…..but hey…been eating it all my life….but YUK!!! Yum……and perfect for a cigarette. Haha. I thought Amasa might come back with us if I wasn’t smoking anymore, so that’s why I went with the quitting idea. Previously I had said…no way. But she isn’t coming, and now if I start again Summer will be hurt cuz she too hated breathing it. I just keep losing. Course all of y’all think it’s a gain. Try being me for a second. Give up everything you love that has to do with food or addictions or drink. I remember feeling dirty by the smoke here in this house. Pretty crazy…been smoking since 11……that’s 41 years folks….and all of a sudden…its dirty? How on earth I’m not smoking is beyond me. I mean…what is my incentive? What is my reward? The only incentive is….that I’ve already made it 5 days. Don’t people usually have to have a really good reason….in order to get the strength to do so???? Someone on HIGH must want it and must be holding back the brunt of withdrawls. I was told last night….Thank you for going through these changes…FOR THE WORLD. I’ve said it a gazillion times…..if I learn it…the world learns it. Hundredth monkey. Same for you!!! Was cool to be acknowledged. And ya….quitting drinking and quitting smoking in the same day…..not a brilliant idea….but yes…..yes I did. Y’all didn’t know how strong I was, did ya?
Do y’all wanna know what one of my biggest flaws is? I HATE to think of hurting someones feelings. This causes me to do things I don’t wanna do….go places I don’t wanna go, say things I don’t wanna say. Always has. I’m just now beginning to see it and recognize it for what it is. It is ME….giving up my Power… I rarely keep my power. Now that I’m aware of this….I wonder how it will change me?(hopefully it will but not yet cuz I removed a huge paragraph.) I’m being whisked along on the high speed rail car of self exploration to simplicity. I.e., enlightenment. BTW…enlightenment, is not a road with a house number on it and you will know when you’ve arrived cuz the GPS will show you the big checkered flag to say…You’re HERE!!!! No….it’s daily. Enlightenment is daily and it accumulates and it even sometimes takes a step back…or at least I do. I’m not always of the right mind at that moment of understanding and I go back to where I was previously on the rung. (huge EDIT) In case I haven’t been clear…when I say Edit…it means I have decided I better not say some words out loud, therefore they are deleted. Uggh, I’m so ready to go…days ago. Summer left for Ashville, no turning back now. Here I will sit for 2 more days. Haven’t painted a stitch here. Can’t wait to get back home and work on that totem painting I was doing. It’s probably around half done or more. Well, that’s about it for today. There is only one painting in todays photos and its not hers….it’s Mine! An oldie, made of acrylic…that’s been hanging out here at Anahata. Nice to see it again. Signing off then….at the ring around the moon firefly haven.

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