I don’t know if I’ll make it…to a cure :=(

Oh goodness. It felt good to speak my mind tonight here and I feel clear. Well, about that anyway. LOL…still not sure the best cheapest route to go though. I am so glad to be here and learning from these people….who know so much more than I about health and nutrition. Just beautiful souls. And speaking of beautiful souls, I guess it’s the internet issues but I just found a whole stack of comments I didn’t know about! Sorry!!! What a treat! And I had a few other treats tonight as well. The ice cream made from cashews…well, I didn’t much like it and it stuck like a lump. BUT, the popcorn was good in small doses. Everything is small doses. I think food with my old brain and were I to be filling my own plate, I’d do it just like always…..cept it’s not always. It’s now. The great big NOW. Ya…I’m pretty much in it. Nothing I can do to hide from it. But in my nows….some of the things are truly good. Like tonight, we had a really good chat with my new friend Cameron, who talked with me on the phone back in Texas, remember? Well, we are pretty connected and so is my daughter, to this family. Speaking of them….2 things. During the Amma trip, it was the most precious thing, I witnessed this many times and there was something so different in her voice….I would see my daughter interacting with little Unica, Uni, and she would say…….what is it little bunny…..with so much love it was a stunning sound to me. This was new….she used to say her dog Indigo was her only child…but I think she energetically shares this little one with her family, ye know? Did I make sense? Oh, I know….like the child has an extra parent. Ya. Touching. And onto no 2. Last night, said little bunny and her half sister Maya Sun, graced us with the cutest performances. Oh man…so cute. One was shyish, and the other was grand…and by that I mean dramatic……like crazy!!! What a hoot!
Ye know, I said I wasn’t ranting or raving. I am however, crying A LOT. These are tears of discomfort…not grief. I wanna sleep. I wanna be able to eat again. I want my life back. I wanna smoke a cigarette while drinking a beer while watching a kickass movie like the Hunger Games for example. Haven’t watched movies since Amma in Dallas. I wanna wake in the morning and drink my yummy earl grey tea, which I can do….it’s just not with sugar. Ya…the drops are ok…but they ain’t no SUGAR! So, even my precious tea, so cherished my whole life…..tainted. Everything is tainted. Summer and I sorta tiny argued in the grocery when I tried to put cookies in the cart. She reminded me I had pecan shortbread cookies already. Like a child, I did walk away mad. Then around the bend…I remembered…I’m 52. I’m an adult, and what do I care if I already had a bag of cookies…obviously I wanted another!!! So…I got em. They may be lousy too, but hey.
Well, it’s only nearly 11pm….the whole house is asleep. I’ve had 4 kinds of herbs put on me oilwise….and acupuncture…might be a bit much. And now I’m drinking chamomile. I’m still not very sleepy. Don’t feel comfortable taking the extra strong ones I’m supposed to take just before I lay down. I don’t like mixing all these herbs. To me, an herb is a medicine and not all medicines go together. See…I’m quite capable of recognizing when something isn’t right for me. Btw…chamomile tea….knew of it mostly my whole life….a sleepy tea. Hmmm and gee. Somehow I thought that meant it tasted good. I thought women drank it at tea parties in England once upon a time. YUK! See….what I was saying…tainted. Once upon a time….ya, 2 weeks ago, I drank beer, which I liked, all evening…now I drink bad tasting stuff night and day. Ya…whining and explaining. Oh…and I eat bad tasting stuff too, night and day. I was given no warning, no anything to prepare me for this. On the other hand…some people die instantly in an accident or such. I think they have it wayyyyyyy better. There is only one tiny thing the same in my life….and I’ll keep it. I may vent about this again folks…cuz that cuppa tea…..man, don’t know if I can handle that. Not supposed to eat white sugar. What could 3 tiny spoons every day hurt??? And UGGGGH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>edit. Sprkln63fwilsn9i’axx75kgkgji@!!!! Night night y’all. 11:00pm = 11 = master number. Well master number…..help me get to sleep and help me to get back to sleep each time I wake, please and thankyou. Not an easy feat when I’m so pissed and un something’d right now. Night.
Not much happenin today. Headed into town a bit later to discuss herbs with an expert. I also have a craving to buy something. I get that way when I’m down. I’m thinking clothing. Maybe a thrift store. They do have a cool store here, the Funky Monkey. Oh ya. That reminds me, I should tell you about where I am. Floyd, Virginia. Where Edgar Cayce said was a safe place to live for the coming catastrophes. So, what you have here is…an enlightened town. Or maybe not…that’s so hard to do….but at least conscious. Ya… a very conscious town. Not a fast food place anywhere. Nothing but healthy, active, metaphysical, herbs kinda thing. People walk a lot here. It is becoming more and more rain forest tropical every day. There is one drawback however. You can call it coincidence or you can be like me, who tends to think darker……but there is a lot of sickness here. Nearly the whole town has Lyme’s. My guess is very purposeful chemtrails. Ooooh, speaking of conspiracy theories….I’ve been seein some sayin that the UN is here in the US, come to “save us” ya right, from the disease that is about to run rampant due to overabundance of illegal immigrants from Africa and a few other places….with illness unchecked. Dunno if its true…
Well, not good. We did go to town, got milk thistle and rescue remedy and olive leaf extract antiviral….yuk yuk and HOLY yuk!!!! Then we went to the little cute clothing store. I found myself a couple tops and a rainbow skirt for layering…which I thought was 12 dollars. It wasn’t, but I wanted it. I got it on a certain credit card, and while I would be happy about that…that is after all, the reason…cuz I was a bit depressed….well….the outing was the tell all of doom. I am no longer a functioning human. This is very scary. I cannot do….any more. The pain and the energy loss, was more than I could take. I can only walk like 50 ft, then I have to rest. And the pain comes. I’m no good now. Useless. I’m just devastated by this knowledge. 2 of the meds are to actually fix the liver. The milk thistle with dandelion is to regenerate liver cells. The holy YUK, is to kill the virus. So, I am finally on meds to reverse it. Only it may be too late. I don’t know if I can come back from this. I’ve lost so much weight, my panties won’t stay on. I look like an Ethiopian child. I guess the mold musta kicked the liver virus into high gear. I’m scared….but no, I’m still not going to the ER. And Colleen…..if you’re serious about that threat to take me…I won’t come honey. We may leave earlier than intended, which means Summer won’t get to go to the ceremony she wanted but I dunno. Ok, guess I better go, but before I do….I got the go ahead to eat some white sugar and to eat cheese if wanted cuz I’m wasting away and the herb lady saw it. Also, we found raw cane sugar that’s close to white sugar. Hope it works….but if it doesn’t…I at least now get to have my morning precious tea!!! Yay! Later peoples. I know…..it’s sad but hopefully something can be done quickly…Cannabis RSO or Phoenix Tears oil? Signing off in the firefly hills. Ps….I’m not giving up. Pss….still glad I came!!!









2 thoughts on “I don’t know if I’ll make it…to a cure :=(

  1. Yes, it sure would be easier to just go fast or suddenly or in your sleep. I read somewhere, though, that it rarely happens that way even for elderly people. So, most of us are in the same boat (even those who don’t realize it). Yet, every day you write about it. That’s a pretty big deal.

  2. I have kept quiet through most of this, not because I don’t care but because it is your journey and you must make your own decisions. But you have said a couple of things over the last few days that I feel I must respond to.

    Going fast may be easier for you, but it is hell on those you leave behind. I lost my daughter 6 years ago to a car accident, Sudden, totally unexpected, and utterly devastating. My life will never be the same. A lot of her friends have made me the “extra mom”, but I would give almost anything to see her again, even if just so I could say good-bye.

    A month after she passed, my long-term boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer. It turned out to be a very rare, extremely aggressive form. He did everything the doctors told him to do, and he spent the last 13 months of his life dying. Chemotherapy, radiation, multiple surgeries. He was angry and scared, and totally refused to talk about any of it. It was an ugly time, and a waste.

    Whether or not you go to the hospital, or you go to the Amazon, or you simply relish the time you have left to the best of your ability, that is your choice. None of us get out of this alive. Find peace where you can, be kind to yourself and your loved ones, live well and do the things that make you happy.

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