I wonder what I should talk about. I feel weird suddenly. I usually speak my mind. Let me say this. I am so very very grateful for and to the two individuals who felt the call to help me get to DC. I’ve raised $70 now. Thank you and bless your hearts!!!! I am not giving up. I am planning on going with Faith. Faith is carrying me. My faith was just tested. First, a dear friend doesn’t trust my heart to know what I know. It hurts but hey….I’m here to enlighten myself. I try to carry you with me, but ultimately, I do do it for myself. I must. I am the only one living inside me. And then I read an article online about Amma that was horrible. It stunned me for a moment. I had to ponder it. Then I realeyes’d that what I have experienced is no lie. No lie no way and for what happened to me to happen……a pure heart must be involved. No, I have no doubts. I believe Amma is here to enlighten and raise us from suffering and I certainly believe and know that she is working on me and with me in a supernatural way. I like to think of God up there giggling right now, cuz he knows how much fun I’m having, how much joy. I think He is delighted at my courage to go to the big city last week and I think he is proud of me for getting this far up the rung of spiritual life. After all….this is just a body. A shell I wear.
My whole life has been lived with the feeling that it was a mistake. Someone made a mistake sending me here. Someone pushed the wrong button. Not supposed to be here. The other religions hold for reincarnation and karma. I didn’t know much about either cuz it didn’t appeal to me to tell you the truth. During my spiritual journey of learning these past 14 years, I have had one thing hammered at me like no other and I hate it. Hate is a strong word. That we repeat forever. That we reincarnate forever. No end. That’s the part I strongly, like the taste of whiskey…dislike. It seems however, that there is one exception. Ascension….and according to the sages….during this time on earth….is a time for ascension. For those who can and will. You see….I don’t wanna come back again. I feel tired. Have always felt tired. Like, are you serious? I gotta go back again???? So………………the higher I elevate in this life, the better. You do know that elevation has nothing to do with money, right? I could be the poorest soul on the planet or the richest…either way…. I could become so enlightened that I figure it all out. Thus, no need for a body.
I feel that my visit, my hug from Amma has given me the jumpstart of my life….my enlightenment….just when I thought I was dying. I may be…but my Spirit isn’t. I feel like I’ve been given the greatest gift. Peace. Love. They go together. How funny…it’s my mothers birthday. My mother who I had to teach how to hug. How ironic. I know that I have access to Amma’s words anytime I want. Online, on twitter for goodness sakes too….or by books…the 2 I bought or others I could buy. Videos, songs, a magazine…so many ways to stay connected…so why do I want to go so badly? So badly that I’m insisting on driving across half of America…into DC….a HUGE city…a bad vibe city……up and down mountain roads and such to get to Virginia while I happen to be there……leaving my babies here….oh ya, who I’m selling…Oh man. Anyway… My point was this. I just do. I just need to see her one more time. Can’t anyone understand that? I still tingle! Anyway…..done justifying it Again. Haha….when I asked one of the Amma people if it would be ok for me to put a charm on the Guru bead on my mala beads…..the lady was shocked! What? NO! No! that’s the guru bead. What did you want to put? An elephant. An elephant on the Guru bead? Well…maybe if your Guru was Ganesh. No…no charm unless it’s Amma. I was sufficiently scolded for my silliness. I just thought of her baby elephant and you know I like charms on my pouch. That way I get the essence and energy of both…the stone…and the critter/symbol. No biggie. Once upon a time that would have shamed me to no end, but nah……my brain thinks different now. I’ve been rewired. Not all people will experience what I’m experiencing….they haven’t all wanted to die for 38 years of such deep deep sorrow. Such agonizing pain, both physical and mental….emotional. Imagine when THAT…..meets LOVE. There ya go. In a nutshell. Goodnight sweeties. 4:44am!!!! Ha!!!! = Hello Angels!!!! PS…feel free to send me five dollars anytime along the way during my trip. Ya…I’m without shame here…..to paypal firstname.lastname@example.org. If you need repaid, like a loan…I’ll gladly do so when I start selling paintings. Notice I said WHEN…not if. Night.
Uggh. Well, we can’t take the Blazer. It is leaking gas from somewhere…on top of needing a new transmission. Faith. Ok…well, it seems some of you are concerned for me. I guess maybe you’re thinking I’m following a false idol maybe or worshiping another God. Well, no. It’s pretty simple, yet it’s not. Amma is my teacher. My Guru now. I have chosen to learn from her….to sit raptly and let her wisdom seep into my bones and my very cells. I’m 52. This isi the first time I have encountered a soul who has been enlightened while on planet. She was born enlightened actually. She was born….remembering God. Trust my wisdom people. I’m not a groupie who has fallen under a spell. I’m me…still searching for answers and finding a gazillion with this particular human. Besides…if I was wrong…it would be my wrong to make. I’m not wrong though. A false person…cannot give of the heart to this extent. So….I guess we are still planning to go but in the tiny car. Yuk. No room to move, sleep, haul back…jeesh. The totem painting is taking awhile. There is a lot of detail in a bird that is taking it’s sweet time. Also, there are 4 small pet portraits within it. Not so easy that. I don’t think I’ll get it done before I leave. I don’t wanna rush it….and have it not as good as I want it. Ok….signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.