The more I learn about Amma, the more love I feel. We watched a movie/documentary tonight about her life. Crying through so much of it, we, I realeyes’d the absolute truth of what I already knew. It was the most heartbreaking of stories. As a small child, she wanted only to meditate and talk to Krishna. Her version of Jesus. She meditated day and night and was beaten for not doing enough. She stole her moms jewelry to give to someone who was hungry and was tied to a post and whipped. She would pass out………but was in pure bliss. She would dance for Krishna. The town confronted her and demanded a miracle when she was probably in her teens. She said she didn’t want to but they demanded so she stirred the bowl of water they had given her and turned it into pudding. Food. She turned it into food. How compassionate. After that the family was ridiculed and she overheard her parents discussing suicide by poison so she went to the ocean….to merge with it. To leave. Her parents saw her and pulled her out and from that moment, they supported her and accepted her as the Holy One. I’m watching it again now. She meditated so long that she didn’t eat and the animals brought her food. She loved animals the same as she loved humans and rocks and trees and plants. A poisonous snake was near her Grandma…she told her not to be afraid it wouldn’t hurt her then she put her tongue to the snakes mouth. A supreme being? I think so. Don’t forget the leper part.
I’m a little panicky now. I didn’t realize how soon the DC Amma thing was. It’s this coming Tuesday! I am working on the totem painting but there’s no way to finish it, and get it to her in time. And pack! And get ready! And get the car checked and possibly worked on! Amma….. ! Where there is a will there is a way. I was hesitant about it….trying to justify it…it’s only my spirituality after all, not my physical body….but after watching her story….I realeyes that my spirituality is more important than my physical body. It is everything. There is a part in the movie when her mother hits her last straw and pulls her up from her meditation and drags her to the house to do chores. After that…she couldn’t feel Krishna. She went to the water and fell in and poured water and mud on herself and screamed for Krishna…where are you….where are you Krishna? She lost her connection. My connection to Jesus and God the Father is very strong. I am now developing my connection to Mother. To the feminine. To the mother of children, of the world.
Tonight, a new friend asked if he could weave me a wall rug. Yes….he did. He then sent me to see which pattern I liked. I told him I love spider so was drawn to that pattern. Within a moment…. A large spider crawled up on my pillow. He walked up to greet me and moved his mouth. I was about to move him with a paper but realeyes’d he was Amma. I am Amma. You are Amma. I am Jesus…etc. I am God. You are God…experiencing Himself. So I spoke to the big spider and told her I loved her. We hung out a few moments. I love. I was about to say, I love Spirit…but changed it to…I love. I’m trying so hard to do all of this. I gained a pound!!! I’m finding foods I like. I plan to do all the things I had already planned….as needed. For the liver that is. Oh ya…I forgot a part on the movie. Her brother went with a few friends and tried to kill her cuz of the trouble she was causing the family and the man who made the attack was instantly struck down and was dying. She went to the hospital and sat with him, fed him and stayed with him till he died. Love. May I acquire such love. I may not be able to do the meditations as prescribed by Amma to attain internal bliss YET, due to my lung status….but I can certainly chant the mantra. Out loud or in my head, doesn’t matter. The more I say it…the more I am gifted with spiritual awe. I shall endeavor however, to do the I AM 20 meditation as taught. I’m still drinking water with minerals, drinking less, eating right, taking what few meds I have….I’m doing good I think. And don’t discount the joy. Joy is energy too of course and it’s the most positive of ones available. Ok….night night. 4:11am = 6 = Earth. Mother. Ps…..remember, I didn’t know anything really about Amma except that she hugged and you had to stand in line and it was worth going….so maybe considering this….you can imagine how powerful, how saintly, how spiritual, how godly, how sacred….was my meeting, that I have been saying all this and am trying to go across the country with no notice…to see her again. Hehe….night. ha…pss….and if I get there….it will be such a different experience…knowing what I know now. What I know now. That reminds me…..I told Summer earlier….Can you believe someone wrote this into the script? A few days ago I was living with a death sentence and today…I have this. I have this feeling in my heart. It’s a peace. As they say….Mother is supercharged with Divinity. Who knew? I have to get there. I’ll spange. :=)))
It rained today really really hard and apparently the goaties were out cuz they are soaked to the bone. How funny they look when dripping. We are weaning Flutterbug fast. Not nice, but gotta. I posted on FB asking for help with funds to go to DC. Any amount would help. My paypal is firstname.lastname@example.org. I had $120 and was just gifted 50 so 170 now. Not quite enough. That will get us there, but no hotel and no food and no way back. I’m still praying. I am so insistent that we may go even without the funds. Maybe I will spange. That means fly a sign and beg on the side of the road, for those who are unfamiliar. Never done it but won’t rule it out. Still hoping that ultimately I will find one buyer for the herd. If that doesn’t panout, I will begin to sell them individually. I have a nibble or two. The gallery opens on Friday, something will sell, right? I’ll take the car to a friend tomorrow. Summer just suggested we only do Saturday night to conserve on money for a hotel. NO! I’m driving across the country for Amma…don’t wanna shorten it to one day!!! No…I have faith that we will get there….and not only that….that I will grow more inside….and be able to help others more. Well…..I’ve written long again. Sorry. :=)))) Love you guys. Be sweet! Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps…I just like the photo of Anma’s feet. Pss… You guys should see me when I play Amma music…I jump in my seat and clap and smile and dance. Now that can’t be anything other than healthy!!!! One more thing…I was thanked today for bringing Amma to awareness! Yay! Jai jai ma!!!!