Well….I wasn’t kidding. I need to see Amma again. She is my teacher now. I don’t need to search any further for enlightenment. Well….I mean, no further than Amma Mama. Anything I need to know about how to be or what to do or how to live or how to die….I can learn from Amma. http://youtu.be/SPjC-T3LWe0 This is what I’ve been watching over and over…in my room, in the car today when I had to go grocery shopping. I was different. As I told you. I knew I was. Every animal I saw…I said…Amma!!!! Every human I saw….I thought….you are God. I am God. We are here as expressions of God. I used to say……we are here to learn for God. Well…I was close. We are here….as God….as an expression, a wish…to experience what that particular life might feel like. I hope I’m not ruining the thrill of the chase for you……but I so love you all and wish you ease and grace…which comes with knowing. Knowing who you are….and why you’re here. I was never quite sold on the karma and reincarnation thing 100%. I knew it was most likely on the reincarnation during my winter solstice experience, when I saw the incarnations of so many beings…all stemming from a few. And karma….well, I just usually say….I haven’t decided on that one yet. Well….I have now. I have no doubt whatsoever that this Amma is an incarnation of God……but one who had already ascended…meaning they figured things out…they won the war with the mind. This Ascended being, living in another dimension CHOSE to come back in human form…to help us heal. To teach us love. There is no better teacher. Sure, Jesus could come back….but he’s a man….and right now…it’s a mothers love that is needed here on good ole planet earth. So much pain. So much pain. Mamamamamaaaaaaaaa…..jai jai ma. I love her so much. This love is huge. HUGER than any ever felt. I have expanded. I am large in spirit…in light.
Granted….we have no money….but we have faith. Just like I had faith that we would raise the money to go do the iboga….I now have faith that we will be sponsored to go see her in DC. Then on to Anahata…to heal further under the watchful eye of master herbalists. Being away from my norm…will help me reduce my addictions too. I’m seriously down to 2-3 beers a night now. Yay me!!! Not all of the money needs to be sponsored. I am creating a totem painting!!!!!! That’s all I’m gonna say about it, thus to save its energy. My mom sent a bit of money for Buffalo, but I need to use it to replace 2 small high density foams for painting…these wear out and are literally losing pieces. Also, I’ll need that to buy some of the meds. The Amma thing is very soon…July 1st I think. Gotta get to DC before that. Haven’t asked Cathy about caring for the goats…having faith. Also….we invited Jesse. BTW….he had a friend pick him up, had to pay gas money….then the guy didn’t bring him back. No hug for Jesse and more stress than I needed during the Amma thing. His phone was dead so I couldn’t reach him. Time was approaching to leave and no word. In Dallas!!! I tried to be like Amma. I try that all the time now. I am so different. Ha…before we left, the girls and I were talking about being a nun. I said I used to want to be one. Amasa assured me I was now a nun. Hehehe. AND….should I live and choose to do service work for Amma….I know exactly how. I would work at an orphanage like I also always wanted. Not an American one though. Very different species that. I know, I’m being grandiose…but not really. If I’m so different that my hubby can’t take it…well……there’s always India! Or Anahata…or Chico….or Peru…or or or. The young lady at Schlotzskys today caught my energy. We just grinned at each other. While in there, I was sending Amma energy to any who asked on FB. I was literally rocking, dancing in my seat there in Schlotzskys, holding my mala beads….the Guru bead specifically. Oh ya…Gu = dark….Ru = light. From dark to light. I would hold that bead….and internally say…AMMA!!!!! Then the persons name and energy would surge through me. I had to giggle as I thought about Amasa asking me how to learn from me, how to not care what people think of how you look or what people may think about what you are doing or saying. I was a prime example of…………..free to be me baby. I was God. I was YOU. Everything is right. On purpose…..exact. I was doing Gods work and didn’t give a flying flower what anyone thought….except….EXCEPT…………..for wishing them Amma love. 808 words…lol, time to stop!!!! I painted tonight and I am happy with it, very happy with it so far. The girls are lookin wormy, so that’s on the days agenda. Course, it’s 5:20am = HOLY…..so it will be an afternoon thing, eh? Still listening to jai jai ma….night night sweet ones. You are loved. Ps….am I putting all my eggs in one basket? I’ve seen and touched the basket…..I’ll put all I have inside. Pss….I don’t usually tell what is inside my pouch….but I thought I’d share that one of my apple seeds fell out of the core and could’ve gotten lost…I knew…it was supposed to be in my pouch. She didn’t give everyone apples ye know! We had just given her our paintings of the elephants…and she gave us apples!!! Along with the hersheys kiss and the rose petals of course!!! Psss….why do I say I need no other teacher? Cuz she figured it out. She was enlightened while in body….what I strive for. Her books have the wisdom of the ages inside. Ha….night. 5:34am = 3 = HOLY!!!
Hectic day of thoughts and plans for the goats. Wormed all the girls and the yearling boys. Last night I posted that I was selling most of my herd….addressing the responses to that as I go through the day. Hadn’t planned to worm the yearlings but Billy wasn’t eating…so wormed he was!!! Also made the list of which goats stay and which go. So very hard. Tried to keep it low but also give us enough color for the paintings. Have it at 17. Keeping 17. Sounds like too many still, but I can’t imagine who I can take off the list. Already selling ones I swore I’d never sell. Heart string ones. Cathy said she’d watch the goats while we go east for 2 weeks and I agreed to wean Flutterbug 20 days early so no bottle required. She’s good and healthy so it’ll be ok. All the goats chosen to stay…were chosen by coat color and not sentiment. OH!!!!! While looking at them today to assess…..Rainbow has turned brown!!! Oh my…she stays. Browns are so hard to get. The sad part of this is….I’m choosing before the coats are done. I know of 4-5 that change every day and who knows the end result. I knew when they were born that something was up….white with very pale patches of reddish. It’s just now starting to come in after reverting back to white. Took me till 5 oclock before I got to say my 108 mantras. Jeesh! Ok…brain whirling still and again. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Yes, trying to justify my need for more Amma but I do.