It’s starting to get real now. I ignored the signs for so long. I can tolerate so much due to my muscle disease pain. Too much apparently. Now….just about everything I eat, tells me not to eat it. I’ve cried more tonight than any night since Doc said I was dying. Food. Food is important to me. It’s not just the food, but let me go there, ok? I am not your average person in any way. I like what I like and if I can’t have it…I go without. With food…if I can’t think of something to satisfy my mind…I won’t eat at all. I do that often. It has to be the right food. At first it was Summer telling me what to eat and what not to eat and I could rebel! Now…a mere few weeks later and I can barely eat. Nothing works now. Even the beer. It doesn’t process. It sits there in my body, I can feel it. Tonight I ate a childhood food….eggs scrambled with egg noodles, with salt, pepper and butter. Wowza. Very uncomfortable and it reminded me that I think I felt this way the last time I ate it. Oh man. This sucks so bad. It must mean that I need to hurry on the liver cleanse. I missed my warm lemon water this morning again. Gonna do room temp, going toward cool and see if I can tolerate it better cuz it’s so key to the liver. Hehe…it makes bile! Did ya know bile was a good thing? I didn’t either. Always heard of it in the negative light. Without it…the liver can’t process food. So…lemon water it is!!! I bitch and whine through it all…do I really have to Summer??? Yuk! I hate this! I need to stop and smell the roses and the lemons.
I don’t wanna talk about the paintings now. Or maybe for awhile. It’s not the best topic for me. Really and truly, it’s painful. God/life is so funny that way with artists. We hurt….therefore we create. We create…therefore we hurt. Maybe a bit extra than the norm. Which I hate. I hate the norm. There really is no norm…fake word made up. This planet is made up of individuals. Each unique and special. Be it humans, plants, animals, bugs, rocks, trees and fish. This society likes to lump things into categories. Salmon. Period. Well now…there are different types, tastes, locations, contents…ie GMO. Oh, I know a good one…Pitt Bulls! See what I mean? Hippies, feral, actors!!! Lol…we lump them into categories…knowing nothing about the real person. Yup, we are a compartmentalized society and we put things in order, in pockets, in drawers that get locked……and we pretend that all is ok. When it’s not. Not at all. All societies are breaking down across the globe. Science is going too far….big money is buying the planet and the water….healing is being surpressed….and families….are almost a thing of the past. I mean real families…extended families…like a tribe. Tribes are being slowly eradicated. Wonder what will come of this pres visit to the rez. Wonder what will be left of the Amazon in 10 years…or even 5. Very depressing if we let it be…or we can do our individual part. Our piece of the pie…to change. One thing. Just change one thing and the world will change. Really. Night night sweetie peteys. Ya…I’m blogging on Friday night…rare. 3:49am = 7 = HOLY! Thank you Holy!!! Night night.
By the way…lemon water isn’t so tasty. Ha. So…now that the symptoms have caught up with the diagnosis and I am actually feeling bad…..the next shift has begun. I couldn’t keep waiting. Today was grocery day. A whole new experience. I bought organic and for soups and salads. Hubby bought a few meats to go in his salads and that is our new meals. Yuk and yikes. Somehow….hard to tell how or why…but somehow the bill came to less. Buying organic and the bill is less. It’s all those $20 pkgs of meat that made the difference I think. So…no more good food for Sheri. Maybe after my liver is healed enough I can eat something good sometimes. It’s about more than food, this life, I guess. Hehe.
So, tonight is the phone call with the naturopath. Also, as we paid so much for the organic veggies….we will go ahead and grow food….and herbs. Gardens really haven’t stood much of a chance here, but shoot….. one beet…$4.36 are you kidding me???? Ya…mama gonna have to paint her thumb bright green!!! So today….my life really changed. And there are so many more changes to come. Eating out is no fun now….soup. That’s my life now, soup. Ha. But I can paint!!! I have one I’m gonna do while I’m waiting for some people to decide or find photos. I was thinking today…what do I wanna paint???? What if you died tomorrow Sheri…what would you want to leave? Took me a minute, but I can see it, some of it. Certainly wasn’t the grandiose thing I used to try to come up with, like….how do you paint a painting that can change the world? Ha. I dunno now. Used to think I did. So…this will be…..just something to leave behind. Nothing world shaking, just something personal. Hmmm…..naturopath just got rescheduled to Monday. She’s gonna send me the PDF with her liver cleanse for me to look over beforehand. Cool…so, that and the free Intuitive reading from Bloom Post also on Monday. Am I boring you yet??? Ok…well, this is it for this rare Saturday blog. Ps….people…y’all are awesome!!! So many people give a damn!!! You rock!