when OverWhelmed….becomes the norm

Tonight I painted the totem for the volunteer. Well, I started it anyway. I worked on it 3 hours with prep and then 5 and a half tonight. It’s only begun. But it’s a good beginning. So far so good. It’s a tricky one. We are overwhelmed here and there is so dang information to see, to read, to understand….to decide. Hubby hasn’t said a thing….but then again, that is his thing. Ok….I tried. It’s so late. Better sleep. Isa kitty got out just now (not fixed yet) but she actually came back when she heard my stress and let me get her. Sneezy is starting to like it outside, after we let him back in and he did it again….and out he went again. Tonight is his 2nd night. Last night he cowered…tonight, he darts out in the grass and back for fun. Gucci is with him, yay, as I wanted! BabyGirl Pyr pup went for a walk with Summer and didn’t wanna come back. I found out why. She had a bone with meat on it. Hmmm. Scary that. I left her out in the big pasture with it so it didn’t cause any fights, but now she is alone there. Hmmm. We make decisions every day. We hope and sometimes we pray…they are the right ones.

Food. This food thing is gonna drive me crazy cuz it’s already stressing me out. So far I’m still eating my way but feeling guilty. The guilt is a good thing. No white sugar? Don’t wanna live without sugar! Honest to goodness, when I had disaster thoughts, my mind always went to…would we have enough sugar? We need to stock up on sugar!!! White potatoes? They are my existence…that and another no no…cheese. Good glory be…..and no beer??????? And no cigarettes? Mercy. Mercy please. ON that note….I’m goin to sleep. 4:22am = 8 = Infinity…hehe…and beyond!!! Night night sweet peeps!

Gosh….it’s catching up to me. Feeling very overwhelmed today. Too many things to do, to read, to decide, to buy. Just too many. And top it off…just discovered that the Yellow Rose Fiber Festival is this weekend. I lost track of time and didn’t realize. Even if I’m not selling, I always go! Last night I reserved a room in Dallas for the Amma thing on the 20th. There just is no money. Not go to the festival???? Gosh. I’ll feel that pain for the whole next year. It will bother my brain. Had to make a decision regarding extra stuff they wanted in the gallery. Only so much time in a day and it’s all taken up with paintings and goats, so I won’t be able to provide the extras. Had to tell her that today. Hate that. Also…trying to find out how things work at the meat market, here in Texas, known as the Sale Barn. Never done it, but think I shall. Need info though. Will break my heart….but hearts heal. This I know for sure. Was supposed to shear today. See….I find I can’t do it. I keep putting it off. I need to. I just can’t. Ha…my daughter is getting a refresher course from Cathy on crocheting…..as If I don’t know!!! She must have forgotten mama crochets too. Cathy is teaching her very well though. :=)))

My brain really is too full. I feel bad. It’s just too full. Maybe meditation which I suck at, is needed. I’m even feeling sick to my stomach over it. I just don’t know how to do all this!!! I need to calm. Maybe if I pray. That’s what I’ll do. I did. I placed a violet flame around me to transform my chaos mind. It worked. Painted awhile to still the mind then. Just got done feeding and dinner begins. Some of these goats are so precious, so personally attached to some. Like Buddha. He’s in with the other last years boy babies….not getting any attention. I still so wish…they could all run together naturally. What have we americans done??? Sometimes I just hang my head. I really only spend time in the girls pasture. That’s where I hang out….if I’m outside wanting to hang out. I never hang with the bigboys. Or the baby boys for that matter. So different. Tiny pen vs large tree covered pasture.

Well, I’m working on that totem again today. It’s for Deb. If anyone knows Deb, she’s the volunteer. Don’t think she’ll mind me saying. Its interesting. Each persons totems are different than the next. Deb has a bunch of tree totems. Makes for a fascinating painting, eh????? Ya…It does! It’s coming together. Have more roughed out now, oh…..3/4 maybe…or a bit less. Only 3 more animal totems…and one animal totem that is getting an unusual display…and a few plants and then we detail. Oh Lordie, the detail is the mind sucking part. Last night, I decided to go ahead and detail out 2 certain critters…cuz they were the hardest so I got them over with. Not completely, but close….and it wiped me smooth out. IT’s the intense focus parts that drain me. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would and will be doing these paintings regardless of my health. Oh….speaking of health….the gallery lady was completely ok with me not doing yarns or bracelets!! Yay oh yay! It was worrying me and I try so hard not to use worry energy. Anyway….I really think Deb will be happy with this painting. Way more to go though!!! Pretty sure I can pull it off. I have so far. Course, many more hard parts to go.

Ok. Well, on to the Thursday night reminder of Namaste Farms Blogtalk. I do believe this is my last time. Watch it or don’t watch it. A bit of appreciation for support is needed for me to continue such endeavors. I like helping, but not if it’s completely completely overlooked. Ya, that’s ego. Ego wants at least a….hey, thanks for doin that. Ego gets to be a real pain in the arse. Anyway….it’s on tonight…9/8central. www.blogtalkradio.com/namastefarms Usually lasts 1 ½ hrs these days and tonights guest is a Cat Behaviorist. I’ll be there listening for any great advice I can use with my ungodly multitude of cats. Sneezy is lovin it outside, oh and BabyGirl is back. Yay! Ok….signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps…if you’re a pray-er…please ask for calmness of mind and a knowing of which treatment. Thanks!

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