Summer is making me some tea. The most healing tea on the planet or some such thing. I’m sure there are more healing ones but ok. Hehe. It’s late, 1:30 and we’ve been researching all night. No painting today. The more I learn…the more complicated, thus scary it gets. There are so many issues. My drinking, my smoking. My weight. My mental issues. Money. I got really scared tonight and cried for a second and Summer said it was ok to cry…but then I stopped. I saw a video tonight. Jesse played it for me. He loves me. It was the one on FB where the guy tells a poem….about social networking…..and how disconnected we all are. It said, nobody on these social networks tells true emotion. Well………I am a very emotional person. I shall endeavor to share those emotions with the world on this brand new journey I’ve been set on. Right now…I’m scared. Scared of things I won’t get to do when dead. Like paint, or eat certain foods or go certain places or see certain people. I’m a homebody and rather reclusive…yet I still feel these things. You guys are my anchor…even if the video says you aren’t real. I’ve felt the realness. I’ve felt some of you and some of you have been very kind. I may lean every now and then, ok?
It’s just not that easy folks. I’ve smoked since age 11 and drank beer every night to get me to sleep since 97. 2…TWO…hardcore addictions. The tea is ready. Gynostemma. A special herb from China….really strong though so I’ve asked for milk and sugar. Told her I’d try it first without. This is the first of my new life of health….to the best of lil ole me’s ability. I’m a stuck in my ways kind of gal. Been alive friggin forever!!!! Believe you me…when you want to die all the time…life is so very long. That was 38 years worth of my life…….so…really…quadriple that. I gotta change me ways though. Somehow.
Well, I painted a little tree. Needs something but I decided I wasn’t into it. Summer urged it into being in the first place. I was just sitting here. Just sitting here. The tea was good. Summer was reading aloud about the word cirrhosis. Said…it’s the next to last stage of liver disease. Cirrhosis being the last of course. Hmmm. The more she read the less positive I felt, but it needs to be known. So many issues as to whether I can take the iboga. It’s all pretty hectic in my mind right now. The urgency is here now. Feeling overwhelmed though. How do I do all of this? How do I get it done? How will I deal in another country???? IF…I get to go! I’m being positive but the treatment is quite expensive. This one more so than the Peru trip. But…it’s for the liver specifically…on top of other things. Will I die in the treatment of it? Will I die in the non treatment of it…yes! The topic is funny to me. This whole thing is so new to my brain…and my heart…sorry heart, I keep forgetting what I’ve learned about you….that you are a brain and society unto yourself. I need to feel and try to experience things from there….from the heart…literally put my mind in my heart….then decide or do or experience whatever is happening right then. The thing I read tonight said you could do a hundred ayahuasca treatments and not get as much out of it as the iboga….which you do twice…once to detox the body and once to go where you need to go within…to heal. They say it’s like the heaven review if you’ve heard of it. Where you see your life in all it’s shame and glory…only you’re not dead…and get to wake up and live…knowing what you now know. Imagine the person I would return as!!! It even is supposed to eliminate unnecessary fears which I have abounding. I would certainly have to quit drinking or at least get myself to 2 beers a night. Summer has shown me some sleepy teas I’m gonna try. We’ll see. Ok…enough whining and spouting off for tonight. Ha…I didn’t really, did I? Oh well. Night anyway. 4:21am = 7 = HOLY!!!
More research. That’s all we’ve done today. Got a helper though! A master herbalist is gonna advise us about some of these things that get so confusing. Yay for FB friends!!! See…told ya they were real. I’m real!!! I’m so real that I’m on hold with the Texas Comptrollers with a 19 minute wait time…..for a fee that they assessed on me. Yup…the good ole gov shining down on us lowly slaves…squeezing every drop they can from us. Gotta pay for those wars and war planes somehow! Todays research includes High dose vitamin C. Go figure. Intravenously taken for a long time, but in country and it cures. There are quite a few options really. All the info on the western protocols are bad. It harms other organs and is hard on the body. AND, it’s manmade. No thanks. I rather trust God more. And I gotta keep reminding myself….the liver is the one organ that can regenerate itself. Shoot…if I was dedicated enough, I bet the mind itself could cure this. I need to get myself a mind regimen schedule. Heheeee…certain times I’ll concentrate on the liver, then others, the arteries, etc.
My goats are getting shaggier by the day. They are 2 months behind for shearing. The boys that is. Just went out and looked at them. What a disaster. On the other hand….if they aren’t too felty, there are some mighty long locks goin on out there!!! But then…the burning question always is….whats goin on underneath all those curls? A bug problem? A mite problem? Who knows till the curls come off. The girls have just had their 3rd lice treatment. Poor dears, their coats are covered in eprinex stain. Good thing it washes out but how does it feel for the goats I wonder? I know it burns the white ones cuz their skin turns all pinkish red in the area where the eprinex touches. But…nobody wants to deal with the lice…so….on the crap goes. I personally wonder cuz they scratch all year round. Have been scratching since the first and 2nd doses. So expensive, it better dang well work.
My mother has asked for a painting y’all haven’t seen yet. It’s a white buffalo. So…..I I am giving it to her and she will send me some supply money. Can’t charge your mom regular price, now can ya????? Heheheeee. I’m glad she likes it. It’s good energy and will help her. I’ll make another white buffalo soon, I’m fairly sure, lol. Feel it in me skinny bones!!! Speaking of my skinny bones. Just tryin to wrap my head around all the changes I’ll need to make. Diet, alcohol, less smoking, taking vitamins, drinking water. Diet being KEY. Diets are so hard to change. I like my food and the thought of eating crap I hate the rest of my life is not appealing. I’m dealing. You know I won’t go the full monty with any of this……but I will give it my best bestest effort. Ok…..time to go. Love you guys! Thanks for all the support and understanding of my need to figure this out myself instead of being told what to do and having no choices. No more signing on the dotted line unless I want to. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch!