,,,when the dust settles

I was having a conversation tonight when I said…I wear the things I make…hoping to get a ….oh how beautiful…did you make that? How many of you do that? I doubt I’m alone in this. You make something. You want others to see. You want to show it off….you are proud. Proud. See. That’s where I glitch up. One minute I’m proud and think it’s ok…and the next…I’m dooming myself to the realm of untalentedom. One minute I’m feeling good and the next I’m saying…you stupid bitch! You are so damn stupid….the stupidest on the planet. The other part of me hears this and cringes…but can do nothing to stop the diatribe. See…whoa….I’m smart….I know big words!!! Whatdya know. Anyway…back to the discussion. I wear my stuff….I walk into a store on my Saturday errand runs…and I walk in boldly…as if I have a neon sign flashing above me saying….hey…handmade….hand spun…for real, truly home spun……designed and created by me…ME!!!!! Please say you want me to make you one??????!!!!!!! Ya. Such is the life of a fiber person….I think. Tell me if I’m wrong and I’m the only one. I can handle it. I can handle anything.

Apparently God thinks so. He keeps throwing stuff at me. Let me tell ya folks….When ya decide to do open air burials…as in…let the wildlife prosper……..well….that doesn’t work so well when you have multiple deaths in 2 days. No sirreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Jesse carried Edo off to his resting place by the claypit wall…….but I….and my Summer girl carried Kitchie. I saw too much. I’m trying to tell Blue dog…saying you don’t even realize whats happening. Three goats are dead. Kitchie, Darwin and Edo are all dead. They’re dead. They’re dead. They’re dead. You see…you people only have to hear my words. You don’t have to watch the death…the dying. The cries. The suffering. The EYES. THE EYES. You don’t have to then drag that blessed baby by the horns and pull him out of his pen…onto a tarp…tie him up and drive away…into the country…..into the woods…to untie him…..or her….and pull them off the tarp…and leave them there. Your babies. Your BABIES!!!!! Digging is useless though. In the end…it ends up the same.

The deaths have just begun to hit me. I powered on….and now during the lull….I’m realizing. I’m grieving. 3. 3. 3. 3 boys. 3 babies. Darwin…the smiling Beautiful who was so timid, curious but always to the back…but had the most brilliant silver/brown/gray/blonde curls. My Darwin, so bit up by mites for 5 years…finally supposedly cured…but not. No cure….maintenance required. My Darwin…whose beautiful coat I was finally to get….finally. No. I did harvest a few neck curls however. Edo…..one of three lookalikes…he and his twin were born up against a fence. The first baby went through the fencehole so I ran around the other side of the pen and fed the baby back through the fence hole….only to do the same a moment later with the twin…..he was also the goat that Lisa Shell said…he could be Nanji’s twin!!! Nanji is the buck of 30 years experience culmination, her pride and joy…now granted they weren’t exact…Nanji was way more quality but still…Edo was my quality goat. I was about to sell him for $200 because I don’t want to deal with the hassle of paperwork. He was not a friendly goat, but he was my highest quality goat. And Kitchie. Sweet sweet Kitchie. The only black baby to remain black, born here. Loved Mama. Loved his Mama. Mama loved her Kitchie too. Just because I move them to the buck pasture…doesn’t mean I stop loving them. They all are most respectful of me. Even in all this death and worming…with just me and Summer……they were on good behavior. Not happy….but didn’t hurt us or even act like they might. I love my boys. So gentle all….well…almost all. There’s big Wyatt…..not the pinto…but he’s a bully. Anyway……that’s my boys. All in heaven and Summer told a story to me tonight about a bunny….and towards the end…the bunny went to YeeHaw Ranch to heal the animals and she even had the 3 departed babies on the visit. They wanted to say thankyou to Mama. And to let her know they were all together and happy. I guess it’s late and I should be heading this off. Bear with me…while this happens and while I deal with it, in the best way I can. That’s after all….all I can do. Night night sweet ones. Thank you for your prayers. 3:44am = 11 = master number!!!

I’ve been leery of waking up. What will I find? Anyone down? Today, the answer is NO!!! Yay! Ok….been working all day and no time to blog. So….here’s the nutshell. Everybody is good…no sick goats. My Eggie has been moved to the big cage outside…and she is scared. Also…just found its supposed to storm tonight. Jeeze. But it was time…she was unhappy in the box as of last night. I hope she settles and I hope to one day show her to you. We spent the day tackling my bed…and the fiber….and washing my sheets and blankets. It’s a wowza mess but Summer knows where everything is…lol. Still in process…cuz it was a BIG job. Hopefully it’ll make things easier…lol, at some point. I know me…I’ll be reaching and it’s not there. Ok….thats it….outta time. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. I haven’t even told you about Shear Madness. Tomorrow maybe.Later gator.

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