Shoot. See, I shouldn’t have blogged yesterday, I didn’t get it right. I didn’t tell you what REALLY turned things around for me…yes, sure, helping Natalie tweet and stuff, and just the excitement of the show…oh ya…that lifted me. However…..I had already been lifted. So much wind was sent my way to ride beneath my wings and lift me. So many people. So many kind, good, good people. You see…for days….a part of me wanted to tell you all the shape I was in. But everytime I wrote it out….I then backed it out. A plethora of pretty ways to say…..I’m screaming inside…please help me. Finally, after deleting and deleting one night….I got angry. I typed the conversation in my head. And me wanted to hit the post button!!! I was like, really????? All those pretty ways and this…this one is the one you want the world to see? Ok…fine! I clicked post. Immediately….I was cradled in the arms of many. Loved by many. I didn’t deserve that love….but it was freely given. Joyfully given. Bless you all. (Also, as I hit the post button….My voice then said…this will help them too.)
Oh ya….remember I told you I ordered silk sliver? It finally arrived…out of country….and….it was not sliver. Silk yes, beautiful yes…..but not sliver. Oh well…..scissors it is. Next time I paint. Some of the symptoms are returning and I’m leery. I’m catching myself hanging my head again and certain body movements that I tend to use when depressed. This is a physical thing that is quite familiar….like an old friend or enemy. It’s like a force. Or a suit that settles over me. Little things so disturb me. My husband walking up and down the hall….to the laundry room and back….over and over…..past my room…..without ever looking my way…or smiling at me. That’s what’s wrong with my life. I am with someone who is 180 degrees opposite from me. There he goes again. What am I…invisible?????? Chopped liver??? Don’t get me wrong. I love the big guy. He’s really sweet and kind and even thoughtful….we just have nothing in common. WOW. 13 years later I figure that out!!!!! How does one fix that I wonder….cuz I don’t wanna quit on the dude.
I prayed warm bubble shields as well as angels to hover….over my goats last night. Everytime the winds gusted, I had to remind myself I’ve already prayed. I try not to over pray cuz that is doubt. I try to pray and believe. Every single goat made it through the night. Even the one I was hoping would please just go to Heaven already. Even though I prayed, I’m still stunned nobody died. Naked goats with bellies big like beach balls…..shivering……I was so afraid the shivering would cause early labor. Gotta get through tonight too. Baby Sochi just is part of the herd. Nobody butts him and he goes where he wants. Very curious right now but still wild. Not sure I like having a wild buck. Soon as I pen them for the rest of the births…I’ll have to work hard with him to get him to trust me and like me. He sorta likes me now but doesn’t want me to touch or catch him. That’s what happens when you grow up in the field instead of the pen. I’m praying extra for little Heaven too. Our biggest shiverer and our littlest pregnant goat ever. Yes Kimberly, I hear you saying I told you so. She surely seemed ready and seemed like she’d be big enough come 5 months….and…she was in heat. Oh well. Prayers.
Well, I started to talk about the tv show…..cuz she would like us to keep the chatter up. But I found myself deleting. I may not agree with everything I saw. Am I free to discuss that? Nah. I don’t wanna. I loved 99% and that is good enough. I think the biggest thing we have in common is our sons. My almost 21 one and her 22 yr old one. Same issues…willingness to help. Oh, and the giving of the ram to her hubby as a present…priceless. LOL…….I gave Lovey to hubby to get him more interested. Ha…didn’t work. Oh, he loved his Lovey….but no interest in anyone but Lovey and Lovey is gone, so………….. The OPP issue was scary. In the goatworld, CL is the real scary one. CL is the one that makes people keep secrets and whispers and lies and fear. I’ve not had to deal with any of those scary ones, thank God. We got some inside scoop being at the spreecast after the show…..she actually had to put down more than was said. Very sad. But hey….that new boy wowza!!! A real stunner with curls to die for. A very beautiful Teeswater. All of my animals have names…I wonder what his would be if she named hers??? Titan or Thor maybe?
Ha, I’m being schooled by my son on how not to be in a bar. How not to speak as if you’d like to start a conversation with anyone who’s willing. Why the heck not???? Well, seems I’m embarrassing the boy….so I shall attempt to refrain from being friendly at the bar. He says I’m loud and goat talkin….and nobody knows those goats. Hehe….made me feel bad but that’s pretty typical of parents and kids. We embarrass them. Ok….well…..there. Another blog for ya….and corrections done, to give credit where it’s DUE. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch till next time. When? I dunno. Next time! And don’t forget….you’re all rock stars…..you help people every day and probably don’t even realize. But you do. Bless you all.