Tonight….I hit a wall. Not a literal one. But a significant one. I reached a point of no return. I had to speak and for once…I didn’t care about the outcome. Divorce, no divorce…I’m gonna speak my mind. And I did. Wasn’t nearly for long enough and covering nearly enough subjects….but…it was fairly thorough. The bottom lines of many things. All his excuses….explained with strong, assured corrections. Now what? Who knows. He was smiling later and friendly. I even said…..I don’t know if you still want me here or even if I still want to be here. All of this was said with the low low voice of my illness, giving me authority, I suppose. And it all started with…………………HAY. I told him the hay was gone, the square bales….and that what was left was unuseable. He blamed it on Jesse, saying the goats must have knocked them off and nobody…Jesse…picked them up. WELL…..I did inform him that it was not Jesse’s lack, but his instead. Not thru any intention….yes, you laid the bales on old boards so they would be off the ground….but your thing…..it didn’t work. Plain and simple…it didn’t work. They are all rotted on the bottom. So, I mention the hay in the yard…about 6-8 big round bales…and he yells…..thats for my COWS! Whoa!!!! I left the room and later came back to lay it allllllll out. I let him have it. I told him how he treats me, how he treats my kids, how I recoil from his mean faces and ugly words, how he got the goats and knowing they are the main farm business….hasn’t updated, fixed, repaired……that I’ve jerry rigged it all. That I’m still yelling each year about the babies getting their heads stuck cuz it’s the wrong wire but he refuses. I didn’t even mention the damn alley gate…that would have really set me off cuz I will deal with it till the day I die or he dies. If he dies…I’ll cut the damn wire and put the gate back. If I die…it won’t matter. He’ll sell them cuz he doesn’t know them. He even said it tonight….those are YOUR goats. Sometimes a marriage of convenience….isn’t so convenient.
Picked Jesse up at the bar tonight around 10. The new boss, Dennis, said Jesse told him about the Ren Faire saying no to me selling my paintings now. He said I’m welcome to set up outside or try to find a place to place some inside…anytime. Sweetheart. It’s kinda cool. I’m ‘on the in’ of a new bar. Well, the bar isn’t new, it’s been remodeled but it has a new lease, new liquor license and a whole new life. It’s like I’m becoming a part of the community. OHHHHHHH…ohhh…..ohhhhhh……!!!!! They’re getting a shuffleboard table!!! The only sport I ever really excelled at. Ha…not really a sport or is it…dunno, but I used to be pretty damn good! I’m a thumb thrower and I always choose red and I DO THE SHAKE of the dust. Next week he said! What fun. If ya think I’m not the bar type…….I been goin to bars forever! The dinkier the better usually. I thought I’d outgrown it but apparently not entirely cuz it’s fun to go there…and I’m only there a few minutes! Never there for karaoke or,…..well…there will be new OR’s now. Cool ones I hope. Shoot, I can give em ideas should I come up with any! I did already. As I was driving out of the Ren Faire this morning…at the main gate…this huge wooden thing, there was a small white Papa Woody’s sign. Most likely placed there to attract the workers, vendors and even the goers….to their bar. Well, that bar is closed…but this one isn’t….they need their own sign up!!! See…I’m helping already. Oh heck…my earlier rant made me go over wordwise….night night folks….12:36am = 3 = Trinity…..HOLY. Ps….that baby! It’s fascinating to me, that I was walking down to the pens and my eye INSTANTLY caught something off colored in the pen. I know that pen. I know it with every breath of me and there was a new color! What? Oh my God! A baby! A pinto baby!!! A beautiful baby! It was such a special moment. I had another tonight as I was driving to get Jesse and saying my usual prayer when I get in a car…just at the part of…protect any humans or animals on these roads with me….when swoop!!!! AN owl……………………….swooped in front of my car and I saw his dangling legs with his talons all curled up and some wings and some body but mostly those legs….what a MOMENT!!! Hehehe….night night again!
Ahhh, this schedule isn’t even for the birds…it’s just plain no good. Up at 8:30 but boy won’t get up…finally leave at 9:30. Talk about ticked off. Woke at 7am with a non stop coughing run. Had to take the syrup, but it still wouldn’t stop so had to take 2 tsp. Then had to get up an hour and a half later!!! Back to bed after 10am and woke before 2pm. YUK. Loaded some feed sacks and delivered them. Went in to visit with Sochi while Smurf was eating. He was shivering so I put the lil coat on him that Mea made. I let her smell it first but it didn’t work. She walked around with her nose in the air…..lookin. Just like when she first got here…lookin for her old friends and family….staring off in the distance. So, I called Mea. Best thing I can at this point come up with is to hand wash it now and try again tomorrow…it’ll be colder that night anyway. Sad though to take it off cuz he had finally stopped shivering. One bad part of just a crutch and not a full shear. Mom is warm and doesn’t realize baby isn’t. Man….the legs on this boy! I’ve never seen such long legs on a baby! Not too long cuz he walks just fine. Oh, and it seems he only has 3 white feet. Persimmon Tree Farm saw his photo and couldn’t figure out how I got him. I gave her Smurf’s tag number and she traced it back. She got her from Lisa!!! My Lisa! How funny! Well…..guess it’s that time. Hubby left me a note about getting the kittens fixed and about the silk I wanted to buy. Too late this run, but maybe she’ll get more in a few weeks. So I guess he’s not angry about last nights discussion. Chili is for dinner…2 kinds of course, one for hubby and one for me and the boy. It’s cold, so maybe hubby won’t complain. I still don’t get that…he eats firey hot foods all the time no matter the weather. More rains supposed to come and will be 30 tonight and 27 the next night. Stay warm Sochi!!! Ok…signing off at YeeHaw Ranch. Ps….I went through the October blogs to make sure I had my dates right. I do. March 21. Babies! I was able to sneak an udder feel on a few yesterday…Georgia and Petunia for sure! Later.