Things normally not spoken….

So….it’s 3:20am. I just forced the needle out of my hand and laid the painting aside. This is a new one. I wanted an owl but the only one I felt like doing was a simple drawing. I started it then realized…hmmm, I don’t know enough yet so do that on my own…so…I went looking for something similar to the drawing. Wowza…found one. I’m thinkin this one might be good. But who knows. I’ve been excited about it all the way through. As each new “thing” gets put into the owl, I get a tickle, so I giggle. Like, the way I did the head, then I liked it and wanted more and wala…perfect spot. In fact, required spot…I just hadn’t seen it yet. I feel like it’s a combination of both photos, so it feels all mine. HEHEHE…. I think I fixed Falcon to the point where it’s useable….and not sure yet about tiny owl. Made a ton of changes. Summer said she looked fat. So I shrunk her. She hadn’t seen this type owl before. Later, I came across another owl of the same kind and it too….looked like what I had painted. Oh well. I’ll fix it somehow. It’s such a cute photo.

Hubby is off work tomorrow to do what he called…Teamwork….and he’ll be planting trees with teens all morning long. Strange, but ok. I of course, will be taking the boy to work and then going back to sleep which means I then wake at 1pm. It sucks…but it is what it is. And…it’s only temporary…cuz the job is temporary, this particular one at least, and….he will eventually be able to drive the truck. Still not here. It’s a red worktruck…dented panel and all. Has a camper top on it which has to go cuz it just reminds me of Jesse’s dad beating me in our truck with a camper top…that truck was blue. I’m blue…I just won’t talk about it. Shame really…I feel censored. Oh well….aren’t we all? Guess I need to wind down now. 3:34am = 1 = Beginnings. Night Night!!!

Yup…looks like those rains a few weeks ago brought the damn barber pole again. I’ve got a doe who needs wormed and no helpers. Nearly impossible for me alone. You guys do know….I don’t tell you everything. Sometimes its just easier on me that way and sometimes it’s for other reasons. Either way…I gotta get it done. Hopefully Cathy isi feeling better and we can worm everyone tomorrow. If so…get to see how bad the chute system now is in the boys house. On the good side of that…it is now completely tinned on the sides, top to bottom…so, some sort of protection from winds and rains. Got half of the goats fed. Waiting on hubby to load 4 feed sacks for me…and then to help with another issue. The one I’m not talking about. Oh for Gods sakes…here….here’s the truth. I had a goat I loved dearly….baby Sendai…they’ll always be babies to me if they were born here. He was one of the 3 that looked alike. Edo, Junebug and Sendai. Milly’s son…Edo’s brother. Sendai was never really healthy as a baby and it just kept on. He didn’t grow like the others and was a tiny thing. When I noticed…yes, of course I noticed…that he was sick…I knew it was worms. I chose not to worm him. My version of culling. Hate the damn gun. When he was down yesterday….I knew what worm….and knew it was a threat to the whole herd, not just him. So…they will all be wormed and my baby Sendai has crossed over….as was needed. I couldn’t breed him and he wasn’t healthy so possibly not feeling good his whole life? I don’t know! It’s over and he is safe with all my other goats in heaven. Gosh…..it’ll be a miracle if I don’t backspace all those words away! See…part of me feels rotten for choosing to do it this way…and part of me is relieved. Normally things not spoken of….but there goes Sheri….can’t keep her mouth shut.

As I was trying to go back to sleep this morning, I was thinking of God. The masculine one. I then inquired about a female one. Mama. I said the word Mama. It doesn’t feel like it’s Mary. Hmmm, I just haven’t connected to her??? Whoever Her is??? Must be one, eh? Anyway, then I centered back on the male God. And I was saying I love you even if you’re….: sharp, too big, too small, too ugly, too anything, too bright….and then I remembered a line from the bible saying…..even you who say you love me, were you to see me, you too would turn away. Too bright…….turn away……..The SUN. RA. The Sun God. Hmmmm…..maybe these people had it right after all??????? I dunno, I’m just a traveler on a spiritual journey to find out who I AM and who we AM and who they AM and why I AM….etc.

The illness I was getting…..is still there…just with mild and painless symptoms. Prayer really works man. It is going through my body….as if it was wrapped in light…..letting me know it’s there, but not harming me. Lots of sneezes and blowing of the nose but that don’t hurt!!! I AM so blessed. Ok…can’t finish the blog without mentioning the Renaissance Faire at least once! My brain is now attempting to decide what kind of structure it wants…should we get chosen. Since everything about Ren is…”out there”, my mind is as well. Mea suggested a tipi….cost is at least a thousand dollars, so I dunno….course wood won’t be cheap either. Old woman in a shoe….fairy house…..dome covered in grass, lol. Jesse thought the idea of dressing the part was awful, wants no part of that. I think it would be a blast and would scratch a certain itch I’ve always had. Well….I showed the newest owl on FB last night so I can share it here too…just a look at what it looks like at around 10-12 hours in. A long long way from done, but gives you a bit of insight. This one came together with a mighty flow…most definitely…meant to BE. Ok…signing off at YeeHaw Ranch! Ps….I ended up loading all 4 feed bags and the other? We shall see… And, Done!!

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