…a loss of respect

It’s not been the best weekend. I’m in stunned mode. An argument over getting water to my goats….cuz it’s just me……caused my husband to say….Fuck You. I said, you just said fuck you to your wife…as I was walking away. 12 years. 12 years and he says that. Oh believe you me, he has his moments of anger, which either scare me or crack me up…depending…course I never let him see me laugh. He hasn’t apologized. AND….was planning on leaving it be…as it was…until I went in there today and said I was taking the pump to town to return it, where’s the receipt? In the end, he went to town and got something that enable him to connect the house water to the pump. Thank God and sorta thank hubby. Yes, thank you but I ain’t forgot. I feel a loss of respect…for the man who lost his respect for me. Jesse is sick and I’ve been fighting it. Had a sore throat each time I woke in the night and I prayed so hard. I am praying this illness away! Jesse came home tonight and wanted to know the story behind the nasty words and I was so foggy it took forever to get it out of me. Feeling clearer now. Actually what happened is…..I felt………..a bad thing coming. Felt it so big. Prayed like the dickens and could only attribute it to Jesse out by the gate smoking with a friend. Nothing bad happened and not too long after I prayed, it eased, so I don’t know what it was about. Maybe it had nothing to do with Jesse. Hmmm, where’s my daughter? Just heard from her a day or so ago, so not scared. She’s headed to a place that was offered her to use to do a cleanse. She’s not really in the cleansing mood in winter, but she feels this is right.

I’m still not in the best of places. I just kinda wave in and out of sadness. Rather bipolarish. I did another dragon….not my own design. The people loved it…I was numb. Now I’m working on a falcon. I’ve nearly ripped it up repeatedly from the beginning. Jesse said it was good, so I kept going. I went far. I’m exhausted. I finally established with myself…which is harder….oil painting or needle painting and by far and hands down the answer is needle. Oh LOrdie, the punching and punching and the leaning. Then, not physical, but still….there’s the color aspect. You don’t just have a color wheel. Blending colors together doesn’t work the same as paint. You need the right color on hand. Therefore the palette must be friggin huge. My palette feels color bare right now. Bright colors. Buffy, a gift from Mea, came in really handy tonight. I felt the falcon needed a pop. Then I pulled out Buffy and the red portion was perfect! The red portion of Buffy is felted….must be a neck area, but I don’t give a rats tattoo! I love Buffy’s red! And by golly I pull it out and make it wonderful! Had to force myself to quit tonight, just a few minutes ago. It’s late ye know! 2:57am = 5 = change. Night night folks.

This new schedule is rough on me. Losing 2 hours sleep sucks. Takes me an hour to get him to work and back then another hour to get back to sleep. Half the day is gone. When hubby and I had our argument, he had torn up the pen near my room. He never repaired it. We are having massive wind and it’s banging on the house. Guess I get to fix it. Looks like we have a couple more ice days coming. Yikes and yuk. Drove to town for an inhaler, then stopped back off at the Renaissance to drop off gloves and box cutters. Our illnesses seem to be passing rapidly. Mine never even materialized fully. His did. Yay!!! Thank you, MY BODY! For healing me. ..well, Father too. Then again…we are all ONE! Hehe….not funny, but oh well……speaking of all one…..I read today that the Pres ordered a shit ton of degradeable coffins, multi body, that is. A billion or so…plus the same amount of body bags. Hmmm. So, they’re planning on mass burials? Each coffin fits several bodies…and then it fertilizes the flowers…haha…most likely Monsanto flowers and the fertilizer is Round Up! I know, not funny but what else am I to do?

Damn, all done feeding and warmed up again when I found out about the ice to come. I really need to load up more hay and feed so I won’t have to do it in the ice. Man. Wonder if I will. Been working on the falcon all day….what of it I was here, that is. Even in my mind, as I drive, I’m painting. Oh man…you guys wanna hear something annoying? My Blue dog, had massive flea issues. We have since fixed the problem but he now has a nasty habit. His back leg goes. It goes and pretends to scratch but it either scratches midair or it scratches the floor. The endless sound of scratch scratch scratch is annoying beyond belief. For awhile there, I was putting a sock on his foot. May need to again. He hates it but shoot.

I saw an odd thing this morning. It was a group of vultures all sitting in a pasture. They were congregated together and all were on ground level but one. That one was on a fence, facing them, then there was one more on the ground, but he was holding his wings out in full wing spread. Just standing there like that. It really seemed like it was a meeting….and the boss was on the fence. Not sure what the winged one was doing though. LOL. Standing at attention maybe, like raising the flag? Another thing….my pups now rarely require us to put them in the pen. They won’t go out the gate anymore. I just come and go…..but…..if they see the Goldfish box…they will all run in there for some cookies. Hehe…good pups. Well…………..guess I best get back outside and take care of some manly things…since I’m the only man around…oops…I’m a female. Oh well. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.














5 thoughts on “…a loss of respect

  1. I am so sorry. I know about that…but in the end those things make us stronger…at least it did me. enjoyed being able to come for a visit. so seldom I get to these days. love you

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