My life is changing again and I so hate change. Sure, it’s necessary and unavoidable…but it’s definitely NOT pleasant. I lived here mostly alone, cuz hubby is at work during daylight hours…all of them. The girls popped in from time to time and stayed various amounts of time…each one an adjustment. Just as I adjusted, they left. Then going on 3 years ago…the boy came for the night and ended up staying. Then he left, then he was back, then he left then he was back. I go from hating having someone here to missing him when he’s gone. The hermit meets the lonely. Now….the boy is working all day and partying with friends all night. He stumbles in very late and goes to bed. He’s even mentioned the possibility of moving in with his friend so he can get to and from his jobs….both of them.
Now, there is nobody peeking at my paintings or telling me what I did wrong with them. Now there’s nobody to watch movies with or chat with. There’s another aspect of him not being here too. The work. For nearly 3 years, he has been toting the feed bags. I used to do it all by myself and was not really looking forward to ding it all again when he moved out, but I honestly thought I had years before I had to be concerned about that. I actually thought it would just be a matter of building my muscles back up. NOT. Remember me telling you I’ve lost a lot of weight…without trying??? Well…..I’m 100 pounds. The feed sacks are 50 pounds. It was too much strain on my heart. I had no choice but to ask hubby to carry some bags to the buggy for me. Then of course….getting them from the buggy and into the containers…..another thing entirely…especially at the girls pen. Those bags have to be lifted about 5 ft before being dumped. Then, mixed by hand, then more bags, then mix by hand, etc. I’m recovering now. My heart is still beating at a rapid pace and I’ve been sitting for at least 20 minutes. I just bred my entire doe herd….thinking I had help. Trying to get more pintos since so many people want them. Have I screwed up again? I got my herd down some……but I bred all the girls, so I may indeed have made a blunder. Not a true blunder cuz I really thought the boy would have no place to be but here, what with no drivers license and no way to get one without paying that $3500 in fines. Damn. Well…..it is what it is. Can’t cry over spilt milk.
Another thing. I bred baby Heaven. Petunia I have no worries over, she’s a big girl. Heaven was borderline sizewise and was in heat, so I bred her against one persons advice and with anothers advice. I thought she would grow some. She really hasn’t. All the others have. Little Flower and Crystal have grown quite a bit…but Heaven just looks the same. Now I’m concerned….so I’ve been praying that she have it early….if she’s even pregnant….that she have it early so the baby will be small. I’d rather risk the baby than Heaven. And interesting about her….she was born a pinto…..big huge patches of red/brown and huge areas of white. Now….she’s all brown, with the occasional white area, like her face and ankles. That’s it. Weird.
I think I’ve hurt myself. Pulled something in my back I guess. It has just reared its ugly head. Hubby finished putting the tin on the boys house without any help. I’m not willing to go see. Don’t wanna know. It’ll just upset me and I’m already in the mud. I strained to see without going in…..it doesn’t look good from here. Oh, sure, the tin does….it’ll be a windbreak for them and vastly needed….it’s the catch chute that concerns me. Without an effective catch pen….life is hell.
I guess the bottomline of all this is….I’m in deep doo doo. Even if I want to downsize….how???? I love them all so much. I already sent 20 goats to new homes. Maybe this business isn’t for me. I get too attached. I dunno…..things to ponder on. Oh ya….can’t get another inhaler till I go see Doc, so I’ll be wasting a few hours sometime this week. Still working on the Mary painting. Going very slowly still. It’s different when it’s all from your mind and not a photograph. You get to change it. And change it. And tweak it…..lol. It’s coming along. Ok…well….this girl is hungry. Signing off at YeeHaw Ranch.